The Crazy Never Die
 

"Some may never live, but the crazy never die." - Hunter S. Thompson

Mortimer Cocksmith was overly cautious
Mostly, he’s nauseous, petrified by the hold of his conscience
He’d never provoke a neighbor, that ain’t in his wholesome nature
Cuz folks who are known to anger are more prone to danger
So he avoids all confrontation, he’s never even sipped a beer
Gripped by the crippling fear that he’d become addicted for years
He’d strictly adhere to rules so as to never lapse his control
He even pees sitting down to avoid the backsplash in the bowl
Sex? He enjoyed by himself, jerked off til his scrotum was swelled
Then he’d cry himself to sleep and think, “…..I’m going to hell”
His heart was open as well, he finally met a woman that nurtured
But he played the observer as she fucked all of his co-workers
Still he retained his credo, because he was in love with his wife
And if he ever confronted her on it he could fuck up his life
So he maintained his silence, and vowed to ride destiny and enjoy it
He never had any expectations, so he could never be disappointed
Mortimer lived a lengthy life, without wanting nothing more
And peacefully passed away at the age of a hundred and four

Jurgen Von Cockenstein was the live fast-or-die type
He liked the nightlife… loved to skydive… a real wise guy
Lived the high life, I mean REAL high, dude been hype from the start
He once rappelled into a volcano just to light his cigar
He goes extreme upon any scheme that any man could embark
When he goes surfing, he does it on top of actual sharks
He’d race speedboats through crevices the width of a keyhole
And when he did a little jizz would shoot out of his pee hole
He lived for the rush, and could get any bitch that he wants
Fill up her guts, spill all his nut, then she’d fix up his lunch
He’d say, “D’you honestly think I give a shit if I live til I’m eighty?
Look at the chicks that I’m dating… this shit is amazing!”
One day then, Jurgen had a plan for a new extreme sport
He loved to fuck, and loved to rush, but still he’d need more
So he devised to set a woman on skis down the steep slope and…
Follow up behind her, butt naked, for some downhill deep boning
He thrusted as wind gusted against the sack of his balls
And as he nutted, his face busted as he crashed into a wall
He made headlines as the dead guy who did something sick
Dead by Extreme Downhill Banging at the age of twenty-six

So, who would you rather be?

Yo Pinot. The pacing of this was masterfully done, and the juxtaposition between the two characters brought this together like pb&j, which is my favorite snack. This is my new favorite on the front page right now. Just like my last favorite there are no quotables because it is powerful as a cohesive piece and not a one liner thing, plus most these mofos are lazy is shit and will prolly just write their review based of what I quoted so they need to do their own dirty work.

Keep writing bro.

Also I'm more like Cocksmithenstein, anyone who is bipolar knows exactly what I'm talking about.

GONE @ he even pisses sitting down ahahahahahahha
I'm drunk and bout to head out

I'll reply when I read it all

very nice multis.

ha, i'd probably rather be the 2nd guy but the 1st guy's verse flowed better IMO

This was a great take on the topic with wonderful storytelling, smooth mechanics and a good dose of humor. I think I might have preferred a less partial rendering, as Mortimer Cocksmith kind of got shat on while Jurgen Von Cockenstein was glorified. But in that sense, you were pushing the same button as Hunter S. Thompson did in the topic quote. You know what you're doing and consistently show it. A more ambitious take on the topic from a similarly high-level writer might have defeated you, as breaking a verse into two character sketches falls a bit on the easy side. That's about the only criticism I have.

Fun verse, easy reading, hilarious in parts - lmao @ crying himself to sleep after jerking it. You're great at this humorous style of writing - certainly I would be looking to you as an example if I were to attempt a humorous verse. Your rhyme schemes are very good, too. I do agree with Certain that an equally well written verse that explored the two different lifestyles in a more impartial way - considering the pros and the cons of each - may have trumped you. But maybe not. Hard to imagine how you'd incorporate that with such a humorous take as you did. Anyway, it was a great verse. Fun to read.