| Diablo |
02-11-2021 03:46 PM |
@ Bad Lieutenant The image provided may have been a difficult one for me to write to; I look and it and my initial thoughts lean towards something along the lines of “life imitates art, art imitates life” or to do with an artist trying to create something that lifts itself off the canvas and affixes itself firmly into the readers mind - taking hold - consuming him even. It doesn’t sound all that far removed from essentially what we do here each week, right? Yet the problem is (for me at least) that the very scenario I’ve just described has been done in numerous ways by various writers previously and I would be looking to avoid that obvious trope personally. A second idea that comes to mind for me is then something along the lines of Frankenstein’s Monster, his life’s work finally coming to fruition with disastrous consequences for her creator. It could be spun numerous ways but as most members of the AOWL in this scenario would opt to take the role of the male artist lead, a more interesting side for the story to be told from could be the point of view of the female painting itself - telling its tale of how it came to be, trapped maybe, until finally making its bid for escape. Maybe it hated the human person after all and was forced to play along in his wicked game until such a time that it could really be free? Anyway, I just thought I would give you an insight into the thought process of mine behind immediately viewing the topic image as it might give you an idea of how I could have approached this in a couple of different ways. I don’t believe I’ve read a great deal from you so far as you’ve been no-showed twice in the battles I’ve read so far. Let’s see how you did.
I think the opening lines invested a great deal of emotion into your lead characters predicament, there was definitely a more spoken word-esque edge to this work immediately after that, especially the non-rhyming segment which I felt hit with more feeling because it was so raw. It was a risk, for sure, but a calculated one and also one I thought worked well because it gave it the impact you were looking for in terms of its delivery and execution before you brought it back to a more lineal rhyming lined couplet. I think the addition of the short non-rhyming section showed a confidence and comfortability in your own writing that is lacked by a lot, it’s often overlooked but a lot of lesser writers wouldn’t even attempt something like that. It may be a minor thing but small flourishes like that are what separate the wheat from the chief. It shows your deft pen game and versatility. This reminded me of Scar at certain points, actually, which is a compliment in itself.
Quote:
The games that we play, only when you're winning however...
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This one was nice, to me, because I can certainly relate to that very scenario described in so few words here.
I noticed you brought back a similar non-rhyming form throughout the second section, and again momentarily toward the final third. It’s a shame you’ve been no-showed twice in successive matches I’ve read because I think it may detract you from wanting to stick around longer term and partake here. You definitely have some potential, but I don’t think we’ve seen the best of you yet.
Hopefully you stick around for the long haul.
Stay upward my friend.
Keep that pen moving. |
