Guns & Cigarettes (Freeverse)
 

Hey guys this is the first audio or video I've done in a long time but thought I'd throw something up and gauge interest and what not. Might turn it into a weekly thing if the response is decent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drTXwwys9Zo

Lyrics:
You a feret trying to fare against a feral bear attack then
Still running that cold shit like the Mayor of Aspen
Come up in your shit with the barrel blastin
I'm gonna feed you to the beast like I'm Carol Baskins
One glance could get you killed what you starin' at then??
14 years of going Jon Hamm and I've buried mad men
I do my own thing, I never seeked validation
Been silent four years still have double your fan bases
Still Wilder than Gene on Blazin Saddles n
I'm the Dark Horse for them that's sick of Meg the Stallions
Never get the satisfaction to laugh at my fall
Mappin the game out i don't need an Atlus at all
Raised on Premo, n Dilla but I'll adapt and evolve
So lick my sack full of balls number one pick in the draft
And you never going to get that call like Kaepernick y'all
Too unorthodox? Too unconventional?
Better than some one dimensional, too fundamental no fun havin'
If they played that shit in the club no one would ever go!
You so unincredible don't duck this letter bro
I don't blow smoke for my health the blunt ain't medical
Congrats on your son, but as for your style member who fathered it?
It's time to pay the Piper y'all gonna make Roddy Rich!

couple things. you got what my hairline is gonna be in 5 years. meaning you're 8 years too late. buy these

https://www.amazon.com/Wahl-Professi.../dp/B000VVT94G

just give in. shave it all off. these cut close enough that you don't need to shave shave unless you're tryna be super glossy on these ho's.

as for the verse you had some solid bars. for spitting it tho i'd trim alot, you got the text defect that I and alot of boarders will suffer with where your writing and it works and should flow right but then you go to spit it and its like oh i didn't realize the previous 4 bars exhausted me so even tho this stretched line rides the beat when spit alone, when you're running out of breath in real time when you get to it, it emphasises how stretched it is. gotta sacrifice a bit of content and clarity in favor of flow

but word good shit man. i'd feed something like this over some random text anytime

I mean to me this sounds like what happens when a txt rapper tries to spit. It's too wordy and cluttered. Lyrics are better to read...but that's not the point here.

I'm gonna embed your vid in your post for you

for future reference, if you take the 's' out of 'https' on a youtube link, it'll embed on its own

Lmaooo thanks for putting me on game fam, sad thing is i look this way at 25 so it's downhill from here

And thanks for the feed and to @The Dead Poet as well, like you guys said things need to be trimmed out, i knew i was kinda cramming just kind of wired that way to be anal about wording and what not. I was primarily audio for five years and was getting it down then I picked back up on here after four years of not spitting and lost it all over again lol just got to the relearn it i suppose

And thanks @Sharp i wasn't sure how to embed lol

it's most of what I do

Why not just do full shaved head at that point? You think it’s gonna bounce back or something?

Started off good tbh, but the wording made you stumble on the beat, good bars tho it just didn’t translate to audio as good. But yo the first 4 bars you had the flow going nice. Props on posting this tho, most wont even do that.

gone @ more feed for hairline than verse. you motherfuckers.

this wasn't that easy to listen to tbh but you aren't terrible and you deserve a lil respect for even posting this up so you have that.

@Universe please show us how to rap as per your novella

My girl likes the little bit of hair i have, i gave up on it a loooong time ago

@Eng @Inno thanks for the feed, think i will turn this into a weekly series and try to improve per everyone's feedback. Hairline i can't do nothing about that it's bad genetics (also already expecting to get SMACKED on the NBL for my hair so do your worst lol)

She retarded?

There were some bars in this.

Good job.

There were some letters in those sentences.

Good job.

I dig your sound. But your a victim of what uh oh would call textcee-to-audio-syndrome.

Basically your longbar is to much for your actual breath control. Took me a while but i learned finally to write ober a beat and incorporate my breathcontrol. Pauses for air and all that shit into my bars. It really does hurt a textcees style because longbar becomes short bar real quick if thats how you write. Just guessing but i feel like this was written then spit. Right? Maybe im wrong but at points as i was like damn..if only hed took a few syllables out of that set he would have hit the beat better and had more air. Idk fam.

All in all. I like your sound. Very underground and grimey hiphoppish. Pretty cool post for what you did. Thanks man. Im edging ever nearer to a surprise diss for someone special. I really am lol. It just feels like so much work anymore to se set up and write and it so kuch easier to hit my couch and turn the ps4 on. Im such a lazy fuck. -hangs head- :/

I red this thread title in a forrest gump voice

Stop being so unnecessarily hateful man

Thought this was cool and liked the Tiger King reference

@Witty @ORC thanks for the kind words, i appreciate thinking of doing this weekly and trying to improve. Either get another done today or tomorrow.
@Genocide i feel you bro, i did audio for years and got a feel for it then just recently came back from a 4 year hiatus and jumped back into text so there's some growing pains again. I'll try to improve this week and keep morphing my style back to audio suitable. Thanks for the feedback and i hope you do drop some more audio, really liked hearing it from you back in the day

Word. Thanks man. Had a lot of fun doing it. I juat dont know if that side of me even exists anymore. Well see. ! Spit moar maine!!!

yeah I kind of agree with that @The Dead Poet


but @Adverse it still wasn't bad though ... accapella rapping a text verse is a really hard thing to do its going to sound choppy


but with that being said you did a pretty good job with this... I liked the carol baskin line


god damn bitch, fuck carol baskin (joe exotica voice)

haha damn you've really thought out this balding thing... I have too i'm not going to lie.. my dad has a full head of hair even now, I mean he could for real grow a gigantic fro if he wanted to... but what i've looked up is you're probabably going to go out looking like your moms grandpa and mine
went bald-ish at a young age

i'll probably end up dying with my long term gf that I have right now if all goes right, and I don't fuck around with other women so i'm not worried all that much about attracting another mate but just for personal pride I don't want to go bald... my hairline not horribly fucked up but I can see its coming soon and when it does i'll keep my beard and then just shave my head

I think I started balding younger because of genetics but mainly due to stress, i'm stressed out all the time. And have been for years. But yeah, I know its coming, and when it does i'll just shave it all off.