Still Here
 

head gone, left wandering the city alone
thinking of home. old friends no longer pick up my phone calls
busy evolving into something more than they were in the past
perfectly satisfied not spending their mid-thirties in tracksuits
turning their backs on who they used to be. losing sight of themselves
time doesn’t help heal, just hardens the outsides of our shells.
mindfully seldom seen these days. been working two jobs
purposefully off the scene to the point my social circles a dot
been earning a profit, I got mouths to feed and a house to keep
accounts depleted but fuck it, death grants plenty of hours to sleep
im out here dreaming of a better life for both of my daughters
to show them the former is achievable if they can only afford it
life isnt about hoping for shortcuts on the path to success
a champions legacy ain’t defined by how fast it ascends
gradual steps amount to great strides when put in perspective
trust me you’ll never find intrigue where nothing is ventured
diamonds form under pressure, so do cracks in the pavement
naturally raising hell until we upset the balance of stasis
my past isn’t tainted, just viewed through sepia-toned nostalgia
where’s really home without your people close around you
to keep you focused out here when it matters the most
trapped between ghosts of my past and the shadows below me
black as my soul, sullied by consequence and personal shame
nurtured the hatred to get it out the mud with dirt on my name
flirted with danger, learnt drugs are a bitch im insufferable with
nothing but indescribable lows i could never fully commit to
troubled with issues from substances misused recreationally
days without sleep, I’ve known a 100 grams tabled one weekend
face had no feeling, body tremors quaked through my system
heart thumped out of circadian rhythm while I paid for the privilege
save me your institutionalised lies and rational thought
leave the latch on the door, hopefully I’ll be back in the morning
caffeine still soaring though my neuroreceptors trying to sleep
mind is in freefall, I’m wide awake but the silence it deepens
inviting me nearer to the vacuous void happiness filled
i flatten the pillowcases fabric of silk that smells as if you’re still here…