Exis vs Razah[RAZAH WINS]
 

NWL:Season I: Week VII



Verses ares due: FRIDAY(next week) at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.


TOPIC:

FREE TOPIC THIS WEEK

@Exis @Razah

Word.

Check...I'll probably go like 20 bro.

Ayo,

I believe in signs
Before her son one day came up, we'd never met nor smiled
We probably wouldn't of ever chatted if her child hadn't made that bee like line
This girl said she in some domestic violence type thing
& she doesn't know what to do
Where to start, how to think?
Breaks my heart, every beat
Every raised hand can take one's breath,
But too erase an Angel's pulse potentially
Just didn't sit well...
So I went above & beyond, completely outta my way
Hopin' she'd totally get a wake up call by me eventually,
Genuinely givin' her help,
Instead of thinkin' of me as some typical ass nigga that's only there for themselves
Yet I got deleted,
Nothin' like gettin' someone out of a situation like that & you is no longer needed
The feelin' is squeamish, I want all heavin' off limits
Those signs I mentioned @ the beginnin'
I won't believe when I'm finished...
So disappointed she disappeared when we were closer than most,
Maybe got too engaged on some lesser things & on me she chose to elope?
Yet broke away from what's right,
Went back to what's previously wrong & got all fatally knifed...

Why?

The root of my problems, I tried to branch out but these black clouds linger
Open palm stretched out but her hate makes for clamped down fingers
She expresses sorrow- She hopes to escape her past
I watched a tear drop drip and turn to mist on a blade of grass
- The amount of angst built suddenly crumbled
I tried to run from the rubble but I was crush and & I buckled
I feel the passion between us, I hope the fire is real
I lust for this lunacy , it's like I had my desires fulfilled
- I asked her: Do you breathe for me? Take a breath, please
To the root of my problems, I look forward to the day I spread seeds.

Im going with Razah here, shorter verse but wording was clean and imagery was strong, loved the mist/blade of grass line. the overall verse was definitely more cohesive than Exis'. Exis i did follow your story but it wasn't neatly coupled and your wording was off in so many places with long-winded lines, try cutting off some irrelevant words and you'll be fine.
V/Razah

Gracias...your just not catchin' the scheme bro, 1 zip...can we plz get some more votes?

Thanks for votin' @Maximus.

Exis I understood your story but I felt it was an odd scheme. The story was powerful but it didn't flow effortlessly, the format clustered the stream. Razah, your opening lines brought a powerful impact and concept wise I was feeling the connection to the nature/nurture theme. I especially like how you closed it with a connection to the beginning. In the middle of you verse your wording was a bit off which took me away from the flow. But overall you had a stronger verse, therefore I'm giving this to Razah.