WK11: CopyPat (7-3) vs. dead man (6-3) -- dead man wins 8-0
 

I have no fuckin clue what to write about, seriously
I dunno what to do, so I’ll just type it out lyrically
Truth be told I’m a fake ass writer
And these stupid quotes make me hate transcribing
Cause I ain’t that guy with a poetic inclination
I just make phat rhymes then I let it get the praises
And everything I say is built to rhyme around the words
But every single day I think my style is soundin worse
Cause I don’t have the nerve to sit and whine about feelings
So when I just write a verse I spit a rhyme that I'm feeling
It’s in my mind that I'm reeling when I try to be emo
And can’t decide on a theme to supply to the people
So I hide in these sheep clothes, and try to be funny
But inside I'm a big wolf and I'm kinda just hungry
Cause writing ain’t something in which I take it to heart
Then I kinda get jealous of dudes who make it an art
But I made it this far just messin around like
I ain’t gave a shit. Hardly… I’m stressin to sound tight
But the rest of you can write. And all I wrote was rhymes
At least that’s what you told me in all my open mics
So now you know the strife and the trouble I suffer
And if you believe this shit, you one dumb motherfucker


"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you"

we

kissed greedily outside the bar on Wellington Ave
spit and sweat and snowflakes and the horn of a cab
our secretive dance. the distant flirt was growing perverse
settled for each other cause we've settled for worse
homeward bound. ye olde corolla put the rev in reverse
drop you off before the storm. exchanging sets to rehearse
you're a close second. i'm a competitive first
at cultivating loyalty then breaking its curse
love hurts and so does opiate withdrawal at noon
clearing out my throat so i can talk to a room
of absentees and silent, absent-minded recluses
preoccupying their uselessness. the wandering youth
so I'm talking to you. bar stools & Estee Lauder perfume
you're evidence in leggings, i've got nothing to prove
the happiness we sought is but a common pursuit
of a couple kids who rarely put their conscience to use
traveled half the world to rediscover some truth
all it gave me was a tolerance boost. vodka and juice
bourbon and water. worms to the slaughter, squirming in vain
babysit your daughter while you search for a vein
a study in redundancy: we've learned to be trained
to lust with unconditional regard for the pain
for those affected. consequence, discord, disarray
disappeared in the second that i saw you today
dishonor, betrayal, monorails, we're hailing a cab
instead of waiting for the train to stop at Wellington Ave




dead man


------


"Behavior is what a man does, not what he thinks, feels, or believes." - Emily Dickinson

This was an interesting battle...

Copy, I felt like you did alright, I see your verse as a cop-out
nothing wrong with that, you must be running low on fuel at the moment
which I kind of called this past week I believe, still you do what you do best
you continuously search for ways to alter the whole vibe you give off
which is fine, it worked with the quote as is, I also thought of doing the same kind of verse
matter of fact I did but as a different alternative that works for me..
I suggest you do the same next week, I'm quite sure you are in seeding...

dead, your verse suited you very well as well, you threw in that old touch
and you extended your verse, which I noticed with Copy's a little after I saw yours
I am not sure if you two agreed on this before the battle but i feel unaware regardless
enough about that, your piece was well written to your strengths so it gave you an edge
you always seem to be on point when it matters, at which point you just flowed effortlessly
nice work

v/deadman, he came with a stronger piece and came more prepared on his subject
which makes the piece more worth the read as I finished, nice work

Patrick: I feel the feels, brah. When you rhyme errthing people want you to rhyme errthing errtime and gets erritating. fuck. With that being said, you should've rhymed more. DUH. Nah. But forreal. This was cool, just not as cool as I've seen from you before. You still went with the topic without trying and it flowed better than most people here can even write when they try. You da man, Pat. Boner Police 4 Life.

dead dude: This was groovy, man. Relationships are so odd. When they're written about well enough it becomes a very cool read. This was very well written. Loved the lines about the bourbon and vodka (cuz alcohol), and the settled for worse line was rad as fuck. Gave me the feels. You're cool, man. Real cool.

v/dead

Copypat, this was amusing. Albeit, it has some of the same connotations as others of the past. Although, this has the added element of an untold narrative. Yet since everything a writer scribes about emanates from oneself essentially though the intermingling of their thoughts, emotions, and insights. Then a writer can then decide to release this internal energetic build up, and brand it a personal account. While true to a degree, it becomes an easy way out. Albeit, the agonizing tumult is still another fulcrum you explored, it still felt a bit foreseeable, a undevoted bromide you conjured masquerading as an apogee, which is composed of particles of the untold story you possess.

Deadman: I liked it, it had straightforward images and metaphors. It flowed nicely, and the material was absorbed into my cells as readily as drinking a glass of water. And though my cells run for H20, they do thirst for some other nectar. Thus, I still felt there was something absent. Perhaps, material more autochthonous rather than inspired by everyday forces, something with more gargantuan depth and message in terms of the reader's envelopment.

Vote: Deadman

Thank you both.

copy dope rhymes. I thought the execution was lame at the beginning and got better toward the middle but there was no depth to it. Emo writers are good writers, emotions are weapons. hemingway, goethe, even cormack no country 4 old men mccarthy fuel their shit w emo werdz. Without emotions what do you have?

deadman was deep. Feelin the seemingly autobiographical sketch. I stalked that ave on mapquest j to make sure it's in chi town. Good job.

v/ deadman

Copy had a 13 syllable rhyme. ...idk if people even pay that much attention? EEither way that was cool...the wording in copys verse was very simple ans formuliac which lent the verse feeling forced. The ending was lols tho. Deadman had a dope piece with some solid one liners/half liners and transitions. That competitive first chunk was dope. Words

V/ deadman

Copy pat is capable of depth defying arial acrobatics. He is a lyrical jester, a light hearted prankster with fun flows and zany rhyme skills. Copypat beat a lot of dope writers early on this season and might have run the gauntlet and could be easy pickings as the play offs get under way. Irony to the verse, not taking yourself so seriously, always refreshing to read. Cool verse.
Reminds me a little bit of Will Smith.
Dead man - "Bourbon and water worms to the slaughter"

Voting Dead man

Read them each, wasn't going to vote but figure Might as well say something as I read them

Copy's verse lacked the depth both in rhyme structure and hilarity to garner the vote. I've only read a few pieces from him ever, and when I vote for him he has a killer concept, in this case, well, the opposite. I applaud the openness of the verse, even IF, you still found a way to keep the persona with the closer while slamming the opened emotion's door.

Black - Not much to say honestly. The verse, per usual, was simple to read coupled with strong grasp on flow. The story was cool, I'll be honest, I only read it once and could decipher it better but, since i'm honest, will not read it again, sorry. For what it it's worth, this verse on face value, as that is only way I can judge given my lack of readers focus as the moment, would have beat most of the verses this week, Line limit may have or may have not been the reason

Copypat - This was dope for what it was. That sheep bar is one of my favorite of recent times. We'll see if it's enough to top dead man's conceptual rendition.

dead man - Interestingly atmospheric. You've gotta be a city boy to come off like this, so appropriately citylight gaudy replete with the substance abuse references, brand placement and weather forecasting. Nice use of language here. I was satisfied.

My vote goes to dead man. Props to Copy for being himself, and to dead man for doing the same.

CopyPat, relevant. Your topic interpretation was great, and I liked how you seemed so earnest about not being the type of writer that uses flowery language. The consistency was on point, never losing focus. Your multi's really did the trick too, belying your insistence that this isn't your forte.

dead man, poignant. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme especially, but I was certainly feeling your painful reflection. This had me feeling like you were inspired by real life, and that you were experiencing a kind of love/hate retrospective. very well written.

Vote @dead man mainly for his emotional tone and topic perspective. Pat worked a good counter to dead man despite going first, but left me without anything to reflect upon.

Enjoyed copycats take on the topic. Wish he couldve used more humor/wit and he mightve had me sold. Deadmans verse was cool I guess. Nothing really happened. You used weird little phrases that bear no meaning for the context at times, but you did more than enough to get my vote.

V. Deadman

CopyPat: I really liked this approach to this topic even though I almost always hate these approaches. You kind of opened up and then clamped back down with the defensive closer. It wasn't funny or anything, but it kept me engaged as you usually do. Writing about writing is never the right choice, though.

dead man: You went and killed it. Probably the second-best verse from you this season that I've read (which is most of them). This topic fit your nitch so well, but you went more directly into storytelling (albeit not in the linear-narrative sense) than you often do. So many lines to quote here, too. Great work.

Vote: dead man