Herculean microsomes
 

I’m reading Finnegan’s Wake while driving on psilocybin.

Vibing.

Is there no innocent way of providing perfect timing?

Rhyming.

Aight then let’s dive in:

The perfect Truman Show mixed in with Dark City
To tune in with John Murdoch gon cost ya a buck fity
One five oh to rhyme with Fivel headed west for nuclear survival
I’m always running this, yet never held liable
Do you feel the full brunt of this? Wherever it fell frightful?
Or fall in love with oven mits? Holding it held delightful?
I’ve given tons of shits, scoldings sell the psycho
Scribbling wonderous hits, beholding this swell eyeful
On a fantastic voyage, tighter than Colio’s braids
Man that’s the goyim, the driver of two crusades
We don’t avoid them, the giver of useful aides
And so I enjoy when I Deliver pew-pew fades.
I will give you three guesses but you’ll only need one:
A textile worker in Pittsburg squeezed a gun
A text berserker gets shit stirred in leagues of none
A sex worker slept and gets word when he’s done
This is all in complete fun.
You see son, let gramps here deliver you the state of the union:
The elders know Veritas the illest. No debate and no assuming.

Is there no way of providing perfect timing?

I did like this thought a lot

Once you got into the verse proper I thought you had one amazing line in terms of pace and wording.

"Do you feel the full brunt of this?"

That is very good, to me. This is the type of line I would love to run with, or more likely accent a thought to transition into a new rhyme scheme.

I like your writing when it is a bit less sure. I did like that previous OM i said Nice to, I thought it was a bit more fre flowing. I prefer a less boisterous and confident Veritas verse I suppose. Interesting read.

Black Thought's Hot 97 verse is still probably a top 5 all time rap verse. God fucking damn. Gets better every listen, still.

@V
I really liked the intro.
Dope multis, especially in the middle, though I thought the oven mitts line was a reach that didn't make much sense.

Kinda liked the randomness of a textile worker in Pittsburgh, lol.

Like some of your other pieces, there are spots where it's almost whimsical, although there are serious spots too. Not saying that's bad. Just noticed it's your style.

All that being said, in general, I think you have a great deal of potential to write something great.
These small pieces of late haven't met that threshold but I know you have it in you. Spend some time developing the idea and make a masterpiece some day.
Of course, I should do the same thing and I post relatively quick semi-freestyle pieces as well. But I wanted to give you that feed.


Yep. It's almost 10 minutes long and he stays on beat the whole time with the sickest bars. 1 take.

Thanks for feed and that black thought verse is legendary cake agree.

Just had to mention the synchronicity of me thinking of a Dark City bar reference then clicking on this thread moments after. Crazy

Here to help, friend. :)

This inspired me.