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-   -   rhymes (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=149383)

dull boy 08-18-2021 12:09 AM

rhymes
 
Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live. Columns of letters caught in a cob of my consciousness' web I claw through to conjure microcosms to mesh. This hypochondria act's hiding the lie I rely on to mask I'm dying. It's bad. I might just relax. Deep sigh. Lie on my back. Digital rain sounds climb through the wax and sit in my brain. How's the climate, just ask. Currently on earth it's an emergency. A furnace burning trees. Concerned? Ask me how your currency from work can turn your burdens into needs my boss converts to furthering his greed. Heart murmuring. A beat circling, uncertain it's nervousness, a burp or if a surgeon needs a beep. Alerted to the lurid bliss Copernicus dismissed. The center of the senses. A winner of pretend events he never entered. We are all delivered. Pulled into existence to sift through since's remnants. Agendas we remember in an instant as if descendants whispered in us the tenets of the living's memory infinite. Epiphany's pretentious. Anything inventive a mimicry upended by a minute spent relenting to the limits of our limbus. Limping to the finish. The end. You've been sentenced.

Sharp 08-18-2021 12:13 AM

Fuck

This is impressive on a few different levels

corleone 08-18-2021 10:40 AM

everything about your verse reminds me of my old homie named cab six.. dude was nasty but apart from that, I thought this was classic.. I loved it, in my opinion.. keep up the great work!

- cor

Alice 08-19-2021 04:22 PM

Seems effortless and almost every line’s well thought out. Great display of your stream of consciousness, it’s smoothly structured and doesn’t lose focus or meaning despite the different scheme. Loved the last few lines the most but the entire verse is clever and accessible.

sral 08-19-2021 05:34 PM

Nice use of assonance throughout.

This line stood out most to me among the others:

Quote:

Digital rain sounds climb through the wax and sit in my brain.
Alerted to the lurid bliss Copernicus dismissed was nice too.

Keep your pen moving!

Eŋg 08-24-2021 04:02 PM

nice(r) rhymes. pretty dope.

Objective 08-30-2021 11:22 PM

Inspiring stuff.

Loved the intro "Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live". Straight to the point, hard hitting and makes understanding your piece as a whole clear as day, enjoyed the pacing.

emurgencee 09-03-2021 05:38 PM

The rhyme scheme was dope. The vocab was dope. I liked it a lot brother. Respect.

PancakeBrah 09-04-2021 12:56 AM

Best thing on page one. If I was young & cared I would give good feed.

dull boy 09-07-2021 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah (Post 812803)
Best thing on page one. If I was young & cared I would give good feed.

You said DM’s was the best thing on page one after this. I don’t like the way that comes off and I’m letting you know about it.

big baby 09-08-2021 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dull boy (Post 813004)
You said DM’s was the best thing on page one after this. I don’t like the way that comes off and I’m letting you know about it.

he knows i'll read it and wants to hurt me, dally



guess what pan. dally was also in desuktory too

Pharaohs Army 09-19-2021 07:07 AM

Sick flow. Enjoyed rapping it and cool content.
I liked the first 2/3 better than the end. Thought it was a little less sick starting with Alerted. But still pretty great.
Would be cool if you wrote something even longer.

Wise Wiggles 10-09-2021 11:48 AM

Nice chunk of meat here.
Favored lower sections
All dope. Multi King still huh

veritas 10-09-2021 05:53 PM

Epiphanies pretentious

Geno 10-10-2021 12:51 PM

Its alive

Blue Bayou 10-13-2021 08:21 PM

Not enough wordplay for a Wednesday

dull boy 10-15-2021 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Bayou (Post 816671)
Not enough wordplay for a Wednesday

Read it again on multi Monday

Clout 10-17-2021 05:37 PM

Fire


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