vanished
 

I'm the saddest man on the planet
dulcet zones become eruptions of death
memorizing vocal tones, or numbing distress
most ballads, hit home, requiem out of balance
such a synergistic release comes from, this basket of malice
ill have it to here - 22oz black coffee french press
sinning continuously, in her black coffee sun dress
anarchy is best dressed, brown leather lounge padded headrest
takes a village to raise a child, theres no one to raise it with us
pillaged through blades of grass, photosynthetic assortment
spilling your flask til its empty, blood served in a brass veil
vivider mass pavilion. mom kept the pictures of dad, still
photo album laminating. magnifying glass on an anthill
steel razor tandem. Dear, anybody, anywhere who has ears
in a position to translate. this ballad i have here
monochromatic morse code
willing to listen. put your phone down. stethoscope to a torso
I trot through universes i never knew that existed,
thinking of becoming perfect with you, seemed so delicious.
I press my lips against windows you've brandished
just to kiss what you've managed to touch
ive become calloused. and rough. galloping stallion tusk
and you vanish

Abject disjointed nonsensical psychosis. Up to your usual par.

Grat

^^lol whut!

Maybe I'm just more in-tuned to textcee topical writing but this was really clear to me. The pain and the sadness were being expressed in like a burst of thoughts that splattered throughout your verse.

" Dear, anybody, anywhere who has ears
in a position to translate. this ballad i have here
monochromatic morse code
willing to listen. put your phone down. stethoscope to a torso"

^^This was what really held your verse together. You explained that you were struggling to come to terms with and understand yourself what thoughts were coming out, which made sense of the rest of the verse.

this felt like a re-introduction.

all your verses. well, most... feel like a story of your via photo album. if that makes sense. it is almost like a chain of raw imagery that you anticipate your audience to attach to something greater. latch on to what relates and sit there comfortably.

you're meeting us just about halfway and allowing everybody to jump into the openness.

which is excellent, as long as you provide us with somewhere safe to land. which you do. it never feels TOO open or TOO claustrophobic. it is still relatable and strange and sad as you intend it to be. as personal and public as you had anticipated.

thanks. post more

1

I remember your writtens always having this strong aesthetic appeal for me. Strong, sensuous mood derived from deliberate diction. This probably reads cluttered to anyone with out flow. In moments when you do compromise on the perfect bar flow, its still led along by by the words.
This moved along in a somewhat open endend way, with lines like

working as little transitioning points in advancing and redirecting the meaning. I dont like to stand back and look at your writtens though, i appreciate them better reading from line to line because they read like freestyles or something.
I had to Google like 4 words though and im pissed 4/10

wow thanks!!!!!!!!! k ill post more. nice to see you fig i just mens him u other d-i

:D

Pretty dope.