WEEK VIII: Nick James vs AV 12
Verses are due THURSDAY at 11:59PM EST Voting ends SUNDAY at 9:00PM EST Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words Voting on 3 battles is required. Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253 @Nick James vs @AV 12 Goodluck! |
wat up tho
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Just Another Day on the Moon
what a day for those who have died to make a way a leap for human race, a step towards a chance to leave this place the media grew to a swarm, their cameras let loose in a storm their lights flashin off this giant white suit ill now use to perform ive gone over my lines, atleast a few half dozen times I cant speak for the group i have enuff trouble managin mine i know im not the darin type, to think im actually scared of height i guess everything shuld be alright as long as I am careful right? I trust in my country, my group and my team I cant help but feel lucky, to tell the truth its a dream I grab hold with a struggled grip n climb on board this mother ship problem is there rlly isnt much to it, inside its barely big enough to sit they fire the engines n I hear this tireless whimperin my partner is shiverin, I remind myself ill be sure not to mention him we take off as I feel a pull in the seat, a roll of my feet this has been our goal for a week, no one can speak with all the windows shut I cant help but feel im stuck i have to kneel n duck just to find out all but one wont open up but there it is, the view is clear. the bluest sphere what we all knew was there, it just looks too weird the farther we go the smaller it grows theres a landing approaching n all of us knows in a matter of minutes I hear the chatter diminish I hear us crash at the finish and look back at the remnants no damage, not a break or a crack. i take a breath after that I can feel it in my neck and my back, for a moment I forget where im at the door opens to a rocky surface, I tell myself to not be nervous I take one small step then say my line, one more leap then change my mind we all have that moment that we wait to find, I said what I said and sealed my place in time the rest was easy, I knew it was great as I walk off the moon.. into studio 8 |
Sorry... I thought I checked in. My bad man. Nice job
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@AV 12 you got until tomorrow midnight to post
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Nick. Honestly that was top notch topical writing. The syllables match up on a beat too. Hopefully your opponet shows up so its not a wasted verse. I will go in his place of they want
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thnx bro.
i dont mind, go head. |
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OAN The flow is sound and the imagery is strong enough that I can form a picture of the media frenzy in my mind. I'm loving this so far. Quote:
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For example: "this giant white suit ill now use to perform ive gone over my lines, atleast a few half dozen times I cant speak for the group i have enuff trouble managin mine" "to think im actually scared of height" "I grab hold with a struggled grip n climb on board this mother ship problem is there rlly isnt much to it, inside its barely big enough to sit" "this has been our goal for a week" "I hear us crash at the finish and look back at the remnants no damage, not a break or a crack" "I take one small step then say my line, one more leap then change my mind" ^^people have to be aware of the conspiracy theory/history to catch that. Clever. So, I assume you subscribe to the urban legend that the U.S. Government enlisted Hollywood and director Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon Landing footage, huh? Lol. Personally, I myself, wouldn't doubt if that were true. In any case, this was an exceptional verse. It was thoughtfully constructed and very well executed. You gave us clues to it's conclusion, took us inside the psyche of Mr. Armstrong, showed us what the ship looked like, and provided sufficient suspense and an appetizing twist at the end. Plus, your flow was butter from start to finish. I have no qualms. Props to you, my dude. It was dope. |
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