Inno(5-4) vs Adverse(7-4) - Ad WINS
 

in

AYO WHAT IT DO
Check good luck

https://i.imgur.com/GZcWVE3.jpg

The Man Who Hung The Stars

I used to think that you hung the stars
From the gigantic ladder in the garage, feet planted on the highest bar
I thought you changed the light on the sun, replaced flickerin bulbs
You always had a way to keep us warm when the winters were cold
You were my superhero, without the cape and the gloves
When you'd throw a football in the air I feared you'd hit the planes up above
You worked tirelessly to put food in the stomachs of my brothers and me
Friday nights, you seemingly always summed up the week
With a case of Budweiser n that Matchbox 20 CD
Watching you stumble reciting the lyrics drunkenly was funny to me
Maybe I should've read between the physical lines that the author depicts
Should've dug deeper into the holes in the drywall you carved with your fists
Mom was chasing a high, but you forced a toxic relationship and stayed just for us
I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that was..

I'm staring in the mirror at a broken man, misty eyed and twenty five
Wishing he was half of, no wishing he was a FRACTION of that guy
If I could I'd give my life twice to repay your sacrifice
I'd happily abide, but it seems like I'm only taking backwards strides
You spent two decades in life's prison cell, probably memorized the cracks in the ceiling
As the days would fly past, you saw your chances receding
Until you saw that light breaking through those walls, your answer, a beacon!
But now only five years removed from your salvation, you're going through cancer treatments
And where am I? The son you gave up so much to selflessly raise?
Thousands of miles between us, the borders of half a dozen states
Not a dollar in my pocket, and not an alternate way to pay my debt
There's no excuse for it, no apology good enough, better off to save my breath
Can't give you a microcosm of the warmth you gave me to save me from the damning cold
As you go through surgeries, chemo, and radiation without a hand to hold
You gave me everything, planets, galaxies not one was too far
And I...am not even worthy to clean the moon dust off the boots of the man who hung the stars..

I'm Sorry, Dad.

@Adverse posting in a few

Moon landing


Convoluted veins tripping on the vines
Bullets dripping creating massive tides
Concentrated hues spill out of the walls
Pouring colors mixed turning to water falls
Ceiling fans reaching from heaven to hell
Winds of tide, seas rough from the currents spell
Shifting floor boards spewing Wood chips
Black holes for windows, the night consumes as the sun dips
The moon dissolves against the glare of the stars.
Each rung In this steady climb sticks to skin until it scars
...or atleast I think it does, sorry
Sweat dripping tunnel vision tunneling catacombs
Engulfing walls along with the screws paint and all
Bed springs afloat a sea of confusion
On the look out for white whales and illusions
Psyched seagulls sing between the ceiling fans
Deep waters drying from the bed sheets Is the plan
As the galaxy blossomed so do the colors burst
A bean stock rising ever so high towards the universe
Shooting for the moon but I only caught a couple stars
A pit stop on my way to mars...
The longest midnight breaks for the sun as I squint
Deserts of pillows swallow my parched eyelids
As I reach for the stars with a moon lit back drop
Reality takes grasp...It’s going to be a long night

Adverse:

Touching little piece here about a son's eternal love and respect for his father. I think every son with a good father feels this way, or did at one point - and the event that triggered these feelings (cancer) sort of made a child out of a grown man. Looming death can do that. I enjoyed the message here. Couple downsides would be the line length at points, but you're used to hearing this and I feel, being the last week and all, you kind of said screw it, I'm doing this my way. The strength in this verse lies within the message, and technically, it's in the middle where things really shine...

Highlights:

"Maybe I should've read between the physical lines that the author depicts
Should've dug deeper into the holes in the drywall you carved with your fists
Mom was chasing a high, but you forced a toxic relationship and stayed just for us
I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that was."

- these bars here basically summed up the whole piece - and were beautifully crafted.

"I'm staring in the mirror at a broken man, misty eyed and twenty five
Wishing he was half of, no wishing he was a FRACTION of that guy
If I could I'd give my life twice to repay your sacrifice
I'd happily abide, but it seems like I'm only taking backwards strides"

- This was heavy.

"Not a dollar in my pocket, and not an alternate way to pay my debt
There's no excuse for it, no apology good enough, better off to save my breath"

Some great sections for sure. Unfortunately, for me, the beginning and ending were the low points, on the technical side of things. Rhyming "cold" with "bulb" is a stretch - and the final line was nice but wayyyy too chunky. Sort of killed it's momentum just before it ended.

But overall, this is a nice capper to the season for you my friend. It came straight from the heart... Allthough I find myself wishing you saved your Pic Challenge concept for this spot here...


Inno:

This was a cool piece seeing how I know you have some personal stuff going on - so thanks for dropping something as touching as this. The thing I liked about this verse, and about last weeks verse from you, is simplicity. You have done away with all your crazy rhyme schemes and just went in and spoke from the heart. There's a pureness here that's hard to put my finger on - but I like it. This piece describes what it's like to be sort of in a purgatory state of a dream - the blurred lines between sleep and reality. There were parts that were a little TOO simple though, and multi's were lacking here and there. Still, some great Inno'ish lines can be found as always ...

Highlights:

"Shifting floor boards spewing Wood chips
Black holes for windows, the night consumes as the sun dips"

- Great imagery - especially shifting floorboards.

"Shooting for the moon but I only caught a couple stars
A pit stop on my way to mars..."

- Loved this.

Wasn't a huge fan of the abrupt ending though... But overall, I enjoyed it.

I think Adverse put more effort into his piece and it showed, so he's getting the nod from me. But I enjoyed this read and both your takes on this cool topic. Enjoy the time off fella's, you both deserve it.

Vote - Adverse

Adverse- Heartbreaking stuff man. A vividly realised and emotional story neatly divided into a 2 act play that conveyed the admiration for the father character. The childlike wonder expressed at the start being referenced at the end in much darker, adult tones was the perfectly way to round off the piece. Great storytelling and imagery with well chosen vocab. One of the best pieces I've read from you.

Inno- A metaphorical effort from you with some nice philosophical musings in it which gave me plenty to pause and think about. The piece leaned into poem territory more than once which helped give variety to the feel of it and the punchline at the end was a good way to finish off the piece. Strong metaphors and good vocab. Good effort man.

Vote- Adverse, while Inno brought it this week I was just blown away by Adverse's piece. Great stuff.

This was a dope, dope battle. Man...Both brought it to the full effect. But Adverse, did that story come from the heart...as if your real experience? Because it was quite piercing son. This can definitely be a dope track to record, you should consider. Inno, the fight of ride, the tide, peaks and valleys bro (dragon chasing bro?), the rhymes and the journey to the destination of where does it end...fire.
But I have to give this to Adverse with the soul clap, even though Inno brought the sulfur.

Adverse - oof, hard hitting aight. this is a good piece, to touch on the perspectives. child sees dad as a hero, as he grows up he starts to see more of what his dad has given up to be there - shitty relationships, anger, and yet he gave up a breadth of his happiness just for you - bc fuck it, kids make us happier than anything. if I read this again I'll cry I think. thank you.

Inno - reads like a hallucination, starting with partial visual towards experiential. normally I don't like this wide of a mix of "location" indicators, water and space and desert and beds and walls oh my, but in the case of a drug trip (which again, that's how I'm reading it) it worked alright. good abstract piece, didn't hold water vs your opponent.

mvgt Adverse