Netcees - Week 1 Mag

[Intro]

Welcome to NC’s Pic League. I’m not sure what season yet. I’ll figure that out later. We’re looking at a Summer of minimal contact with the outside world, which is perfect for text (not that most of you got out anyway). After some prodding, I’m back to putting 10 page documents into my Google Drive folder every week in a league format that’s brand new to me. Hope you’ll bear with me as I navigate some of the ins and outs of managing 20 pics per week, I’ll be flexible where I can. Let’s get to it.

[New Fire Mixtape]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hJv5yBLe9c

[League Overview and Rules]

This is pretty simple. One battle per person, per week. Battles up Monday, mag up Tuesday, battles due Thursday with possible extension to Friday. At the end of the season, we’ll do an 8 man playoffs. 8 best records to sign in will get in. You need to sign in with a pic. Pics will be provided in the OP of each battle, so once you post it, it’s my problem. Pics can only be used twice per season (including playoffs). If you do not supply a new pic after two weeks of use, I will notify you in the sign in/out thread. Extensions will be automatically granted if you ask before the deadline. Ask after, and your opponent can deny it. Tags in battles will be treated as freeposting. Do it once, you get a warning. Twice, a season ban. Everything else is pretty standard.

[Battler Profiles]

Inno
Innoooooo. Da gawd. This is the type of battle he’ll probably do best at. He’s funny and good with personals, but struggled in battles where he didn’t have much to go off of. With his opponent’s pic in front of him, I think he’ll be good for a few creative angles or chuckle-worthy bars each battle. I don’t know if he’ll have the most favorable schedule here because this league is stacked with more experienced guys than him. If the schedule lines up in his favor or he pulls off a manageable upset, he could get to a contender match, but we’ll see.
Season Prediction: Fun times

Blue Bayou
When I think of prolific pic battlers, Blue Bayou really isn’t the first person to come to mind. I expect that to change this season. The only thing that keeps him off that list is his body of work. He’s an immaculate battler and writer with an accomplishment list that goes above and beyond HOF criteria but there’s a glaring lack of pic achievements. Regardless, he’s deadly in roasts and in the occasional pic battle. He’s generally capable of churning out loads of quality bars unprompted, so I expect to see him in contender/champ matches quickly.
Season Prediction: Weekly champ

I Got Shine
aka Silver, aka Delicious Girl. You know her, you love her, she’s the most human thing about Netcees sometimes, and you mongrels had better be nice to her. I sweartagawd. Don’t ruin her. Silver has the motivation for sure. She’s dropping OMs at a solid pace, so I think she’ll be able to handle the workload of a text league. She’s had some zingers and memorable bars in the past that worked on humor alone (like telling Blue that he has no dick) and this is a league where humor goes a long way. We’ll see just how far it goes here.
Season Prediction: Top 10 most memorable battles

Seth
Da Brayn Lord is nearing the end of the Summer Classic and I’m amazed he’s interested in battling at all. It’s a drain on the soul for sure. I’m hoping he takes that energy and channels it into wanting to destroy every single one of the pussy divas that all text battlers are and…. Sorry, week 6 Sharp showed up a little early. Seth’s a great battler on occasion. He’s funny with creative angles, but he’s also a liability to show up to any battle. He’s good for a hot 12 if he has the time and motivation, but those are two considerable ifs. I’m hoping conditions allow for more battling because he could easily be in a champ match.
Season Prediction: Contender Match+

Zelph
Zelph’s a pretty prolific troll when it comes down to it. He did pretty well with gunbars until he joined a twitter league full of black people who thought he said ‘nigga’ a little too much... They weren't necessarily wrong. Zelph’s kind of developed into a one trick dark horse, in that he does a good job of bringing a URL style gunplay to text, but beyond that he hasn’t quite found the heavy personals you need to make a statement in a pic battle. I’m hoping he avoids the pitfall of just… dissing in general instead of dissing the pic because that never goes well. If he can start to focus on creative takes on his opponent and the ammo they give him, his mean wording could help him out. Gonna have to see how he does.
Season Prediction: Contender Match

Username
The reason you have a pic league. Blame Username. I haven’t seen a whole lot out of User, but god damn is he a funny battler. Funny usually means excelling in pic battles, so that bodes well. The biggest weakness I can see affecting User is that he hasn’t battled too much with this crowd so he might not have a sense of what is and isn’t played. He’s not going to fall into the usual pitfalls of ‘haha you’re fat’ but specific traits that we’ve seen used a lot won’t register as ‘played’ for someone like User. With his creative angles and funny style, I’m sure he’ll make any adjustments needed and quickly.
Season Prediction: Champ Match

Zuch
Of the recent UPN merger, Zuch is probably the one to turn the most heads. While the majority of the crowd was known to some extent, people saw Zuch’s name and just assumed it was another Zelph alias. Since then, Zuch’s made a name for himself in the Summer Classic with impressive showings. I’ve seen very little out of the guy ever, but he’s got the same potential issue as User - specific angles that we’ve seen done to death won’t be ‘played’ to him. So if he can get past that, he’s already shown he can hang with our best. This might be my least education season prediction, so I expect to be proven wrong here, if anywhere.
Season Prediction: Contender Match+

Adverse
Our man-on-the-come-up of late, Adverse has taken his spotlight by the horns and shows no signs of slowing down. He’s a multi-faceted writer - with good showings in NBL and NWL - with a desire to make audios. In my opinion, a texcee who does something with either music or battle rap while developing their style will end up with more natural sounding bars. You don’t really know a line is stretched until you try saying it out loud. That’s a roundabout way of saying I expect Adverse to improve over the course of this season and his flow will help him stand out. The question is, will it be enough to hang with this stacked roster?
Season Prediction: Contender Match

Exis
Exis has been dealing with canine dick jokes for over a year at this point and the clowning hasn’t seemed to let up. He’s only really had the passive discussion threads to fight back, but this pic league presents a whole other dynamic. He’s up against people who have developed their craft for years, decades in some cases, and he doesn’t quite have the punchline mechanics down just yet. I still expect to see a little heat from the guy. He’s been dealing with near relentless jokes for a long while and can finally take the fight to his aggressor’s faces. You know what they say about a cornered animal… no, not that Exis finally caught it.
Season Prediction: Sign out after battling everyone he’s beefed with

Barcotic
Man. Mannnnn. I like Barc. I fuck with his style when he’s on. He keeps his bars short and sweet and can say a lot with a little. Sometimes he says way too much though. And then someone he doesn’t like votes against him. Then it’s not a battle, it’s a Barcotic battle. I’m sincerely hoping we have none of those, but all I can think of with this dude is the passive aggressive tags and the aggressive aggressive bitching in chat threads. If he can get through a season without getting caught up in the bullshit, he could easily be a playoff contender. He’s got the drive. He just needs to stay on the fucking road.
Season prediction: Sharp furrows his brow after someone votes against Barc.

Bomb Bard
AKA Killing Spree for those who don’t know, Bomb Bard doesn’t disappoint with his pics. He’ll be fun to watch and his motivation issues of old seem to be all but gone. If anything, he seems to struggle with generating generic concepts/flips but that won’t be an issue for him here. He can absolutely be funny and personal. I think not having pic battled for a minute will be a huge plus for Spree. Expecting him to come out of the gates hungry and keep that energy up for a while. Question is, can he go all season? I have a good feeling about ‘Fuck Yes’.
Season Prediction: Contender Match+

Neighbor
We sometimes take Neigh’s flow for granted, but he’s one of, if not the best Swag and Flow writers we have. He’s an experienced battler that always makes his bars read smoothly and as evidenced in that weird battle with Kungfugrip (rip) he can pick apart someone’s face in an hour… and you all are only getting older and uglier. If he keeps with it, you’re looking at a very likely season champ right here. He does have a habit of just.. disappearing, but I anticipate covid keeping that from happening. If Neigh is motivated, he’ll be equal parts funny and deadly. Definitely one to watch.
Season Prediction: Blue, in a moment of weakness, gets semi hard after looking at one of his pics.

Mac
Smack, who is this incredibly caucasian man??? I don’t know Mac at all. I had to look at his last few battles and I see that he has the mechanics of a bar down. He’s got some issues that I could see holding him back, based on 1 pic battle. The big ones are his delivery is a punchline of ‘something something something…. Punch!’. He’s gotta change up the delivery here or it gets too stale. The other thing is incomplete wordplays - like, he’ll find an angle, but the flip is nonexistent beyond a ‘...like this thing in the background!’. If he can fix that, he’ll do well.
Season Prediction: Improvement

Resin
Resin might be the meanest human being in text. Not necessarily the meanest bars or wording (but he's got to be in those conversations too), I mean just outright mean-spirited when he starts to type. I mean, god damn. It’s one thing to be competitive enough to be fine with hurting feelings for a win, but I get the impression Resin actively wants you to feel worse about yourself if you battle him. I’ve never seen him pic battle, but this is the guy I’m probably most excited to see in this preview mag. The last Resin verse I read was an utter annihilation of BodySnatcher’s style… Lama help anyone unfortunate enough to have their pic in his sights.
Season Prediction: Champ Match

Uh-oh
Those of you who don’t already know are probably a little surprised to see da gawd here. But for those of you in the know, you know. Uhohdagawd is your favorite rapper’s ghostwriter’s favorite ghostwriter. He finds every bar he reads on this site to be too stretched and he’s right pretty damn often. As far as I can tell he’s only here to pic battle Bags, so I don’t know if he’ll stick around. Treasure him while you can, you ingrates.
Season Prediction: ALL CAPS

Hush
I feel like I’ve written this exact profile too many times in the last 5+ years. Check the HOF and keep an eye on his motivation. He can beat anyone if he wants to put in the work and has the drive, but if he can keep it going all season is another factor entirely. Accomplishments/champs mean nothing to the guy. His record is ‘who cares’. He’s starting the season with a grudge match so I expect him to show up, but beyond that, his motivation is going to be the biggest factor in his season/playoff showing. If he’s having fun, the league could be his.
Season Prediction: Contender+, but sky’s the limit if he wants to win.

Bags
I honestly don’t know if Bags knows about the league right now. He’s a funny battler who goes for the jugular with pics, but I think he’s only here socially. He kind of said he’s battling Uh-Oh, so we’ll see how it goes.
Season Prediction: wtf I never signed up for this sharp stupid scrawny faggit fuck u

Destroyer
No one provides better pics than Des, but he still wins most of his pic battles. That statement alone is a huge testament to his skill. Des will give you all the ammo in the world but still give you a run for your money and I expect great things out of him. He's hilarious and knows how to work a pic. Des is a generally good battler, he has been a force to be reckoned with in stipulation style matches (gimmicks, pics, etc). With 8 weeks of it and a potential playoff, Des is a smart bet to go all the way.
Season Prediction: Champ Match

Wanderer
True to his name, Wanderer pops in and out of Netcees text leagues, but he’s always in our heart. Good, funny writer, but every time I read his verse I find myself thinking that he’s juuuust on the cusp of his own style. I’ve honestly never seen the guy pic battle, but I’m looking forward to it. He needs to get his wording down to hang here. His delivery could be a lot meaner than it is and with your opponent’s pic right in front you, you can’t afford too many light punches.
Season Prediction: Improvement

FGR
I was thinking about putting in a segment about who I want to see in this league. Then FGR signed in, and I realized I was just hoping to headhunt him. I’m not saying I could start a rap battle league in Philly and stick FGR on the main card… but… it’s not the worst idea. He’s got a great flow to his writing. His video battle shows he has a great presence and a pic battle is probably the text form that relies the most on it. I’ve never actually seen him pic battle before, but he strikes me as the kind of person who thrives on having someone to diss. I’m excited to see what FGR does against quality competition.
Season Prediction: Contender Match+

Orc
Fuck, I'm an idiot to forget about one of NC's pic greats, Orc. I've written so many profiles about him in the last few years. Almost all of you know what it is when you see you have Orc this week. Almost everyone here knows when the see his name in a battle, there's going to be at least one fire verse. Orc is an absolute maniac with a style that has been (understandably) stolen again and again... when I started text, you would literally be told to be more like him and that advice doesn't just happen. Orc's a beast when it comes to personal angles. That, combined with his wording and creative approaches, makes him an absolute fiend when he's at his best. If he's motivated enough, he's got another favorite to champ this season,
Season Prediction: Champ Match

[Previews]

The way matches work (and will work all season): Unless two people explicitly say they want to battle (like Hush and Exis) I’m going to randomly pair everyone with the same or similar record using a site like this: https://www.randomlists.com/team-generator. The only times I won’t will be if the two have battled recently (so you’re not stuck battling the same person 4 times this season).

UserName vs Zelph
Zelph’s first pic battle that I’ve seen is a hell of a start. From what I can tell, battling User may just be a trial by fire. The guy is deadly funny, creative, and has a look that just screams ‘played angles’: fat, reddish hair, nerdy looking, etc. Zelph will need to get creative against User, but User may have a similar challenge. We’ve been seeing fucked up lip jokes for a good long while. User hasn’t been around. He may wind up running into the pitfall of played out angles and he wouldn’t know until it’s too late. From what I’ve seen, User is just better at creative angles so he’s got the clear advantage. Zelph needs to get out of the box here, and while I could be proven wrong, I don’t expect him to go far enough.
User: 75/25
Zelph complains about the ammo in User’s pic if he loses: 50/50

Bomb Bard vs Barcotic
Hate to say it, but the story here is going to be how Barc acts in a new league. The amount of drama that surrounds the man is becoming more interesting than any battles, which I don’t want to see here. These guys are both good with pic battles. They both miss the same way: a huge stretch or confusing wordplay based on a word/thing no one knows. There’s a distinct chance that the first vote does more for the battle outcome than any bar so I know better than to make an honest prediction. I’m just glad it’s Spree, who’s one of the more levelheaded people in text.
Barcotic I guess: 60/40
Spree wins by DQ: 60/40

Resin M-I-C vs Seth
Potential battle of the week. Potential battle of the season. Blue describes Seth the best, in my opinion, “good for an amazing verse twice a year”. He may wind up battling Summer Classic Burnout more than he battles Resin, and you can’t afford any extra difficulty against Resin M-I-C. He’s one of the best I’ve seen to go at someone with creative and mean personals and I have never seen the guy pic battle. He’s not one for half measures, so if Seth isn’t feeling it, his uphill battle becomes a mountain climb. My gut says a rested, refreshed, and hungry Resin, but that's barely an indication of how this can go.
Resin: 55/45
Someone wins in a blowout so Sharp looks really wrong: 99/1

Top ILL Dragster Two vs Blue Bayou
Top is a complete unknown to me. I hear he can write. I know Blue can write. We’re generally aware that Blue can pump out 100 lines on a whim, so I look forward to seeing what he can do to a picture of another human being. This could be Top’s chance to make a statement. Keeping up with Blue Bayou would be an achievement by itself, but opening the season by beating one of the favorites to champ would be something else entirely. I still have to go with what I know, and I know Blue is one of the best to text battle, period.
Blue: 70/30
Top iLL is standing behind Blue right now: 60/40

Mac vs FGR
The battle of 3 letter names. Funny how the pairing worked out. I think their profiles say everything I need to about this matchup. Mac is still trying to get his bearings for battles in general while FGR has the edge with experience. They both get too statement-ish when they miss, but FGR’s misses are fewer and farther between. Mac could prove me wrong and make a splash in a new league, but week one isn’t a clean slate in every sense of the term.
FGR: 65/35
Someone just tried to think of a ‘clean slate’ wordplay: 60/40

Orc vs Adverse
The generation gap in effect. Adverse has his work cut out for him. The random drawing gave him one of the best pic battles to ever grace the site. To make matters worse, his mug hasn’t been dissed nearly as much as Orc’s. Orc has a relatively blank canvas to pick apart in Adverse, while Adverse is going to need some creative angles and near perfect wording. Looks like Orc was good enough to give him some ammo to work with, but will it be enough? I have to assume, ‘no’, but this could turn into a fire battle easily.
Orc: 75/25
Adverse is actually younger than you: 99/1

Bags vs Uh-Oh
To be perfectly honest, I don’t know if Bags knows this is happening. Uh-Oh signed in, Bags just kind of said he was down on discord, so this may get closed. I’m still expecting these two to bar out in all caps quickly. Bags is probably the better battler, but if he attempts to copy Uh-Oh’s style, it could even out the competition quickly.
Fun Read: 100/0
CAPS LOCK: 10000/0

Hush vs Exis
We have a grudge match, which I think text sorely needs more of. Even if the battle isn’t interesting, the narrative is, and this one is equally ‘interesting’ and ‘I could never attempt to explain it to anyone outside of text’. Exis has been on the receiving end of dog dick jokes for over a year but hasn’t battled much, meaning it isn’t too played out in the battle sphere. He’s got one of his more prolific antagonists in what I’m sure is his first pic battle ever and Hush might just be the least welcoming sight for a new battler. He’s about as good as they come and has a fresh face to diss with a built in angle that (I hope) hasn’t come up in text before Exis.
Hush: 99/1
Exis figures out how pic battles work by the end of the week: 50/50

Zuch vs Destroyer
We have two of the most interesting week 1 pics together and I’m expecting nothing but creative angles. These guys have given us a show before the first punches were thrown and their recent battles tell us we can expect some fire. This prediction boils down to going with what I know, and I know Des can rip a boring pic into smithereens. Zuch has his work cut out for him, but after a win over Orc in the SC, he seems more than capable of handling any competition here.
Destroyer: 60/40
That girl’s not wearing eye makeup: 50/50

Wanderer vs Neighbor
Wanderer’s punches leave something to be desired in reg battles. I don’t think I’ve seen him pic battle, but with the ammo right in front of him, it’s all about creative angles. If you can find a way to implement aspects of the pic creatively, a league like this is all yours. The problem for Wanderer is that I’m speculating whether or not he can do it. I know Neighbor can. Neighbor makes any physical feature a weakness and against a less experienced Wanderer, he’s certainly got the edge. Wanderer best chance to pull out a dub is keeping the line limit low. A few bangers in a short battle can sway things heavily.
Neighbor: 75/25
I'm tired of these joke predictions: 100/0

Inno vs I Got Shine
Be gentle.
Inno: 75/25
Inno feels worse about himself after writing: 50/50

[Outro]

You all know the drill. Show up for your battles and I’ll show up for the league. Next week, look for more mag segments (hopefully from someone more interesting than me). Wanna help with a future mag? Let me know in this thread or message me. I could absolutely use some additional voices. I’m looking forward to some funny and some fire. Make it dope. Peace.