So oddly suitable
 

I been stuck up in the sunken place,
screaming out these sockets
tryna speak from down up under pain.
Lungs are flooded. Suffocate on suffering.
Such a fucking waste. Blood is bubbling.
Busted mains buckle under numbness weight.
Hold me down. Punch my face.
Something. Nothing’s what we say.
From butterflies in stomachs
to butterfly knives and flummoxed.
The flutters. To hiding what we’re loved’for.
The messiness. The stresses we’ve assessed
would upset our wedding dress kiss.
The hallow vows. Our cotton mouths
wet the vetted guest list with second guesses sweat drips.

Ahh...I know you think I'm a hindrance to the board & what I say means nothin' but fuck, this is some raw shit man...kudos

Butterflies in stomachs to butterfly knifes.

I love imagery like this

beauty.

I been stuck up in the sunken place, screaming out these sockets tryna speak from down up under pain. Lungs are flooded. Suffocate on suffering. Such a fucking waste. Blood is bubbling.

beginning is what draws me in time after time. twists of language you have honed over the years still lying dormant. its great.

i still have your fucking metaphive archive link on deck somewhere. idk i think so at least.

thanks

Dual sabers unfolding as Duel Fates is EXPLODING
from souped basses. This Luke, Lia and Yoda
uploaded in,to Matrix's codex. Flu, AIDS and Ebola.
That dude racing a youth Vader. The smooth sailing Sebulba.
Mutated Corona. Poo taste in your doughnuts.
Greg LOUganis in pools. Pasted to sofas.
Lady's done thrown up. You'll be bantha fodder.
Lambs to slaughter. You AND your daughter.
Whole family offered to alters.
Detectives wrestling the antlers off her.
The cloven hoofed Carcosa cook with an open book of spells.
Overlooking the Overlook Hotel from a cozy nook in hell.
Bookend nails impale Jehovah's wooden fell.
No motive. Crooked smiles under covered/hooded veils.
Arose from soot and scaled that sullen looking well.

Sadistic cult members turned prolific religious serial killers type of vibe. Creepy. Graphic content. Smoothly written. Dope stuff.

I can feel it in my chest. Some illness I've possessed.
Wilderness in fret, but really still in bed.
I breathe deep. 'Sweet dreams' filling in the rest.
Story books. Worried looks. Revealed but not confessed.
Hide the hypochondriac right inside an honest laugh.
Fight or flight. A polygraph signed, 'I lied, but prob'ly passed.'
The fluid's building. Pooling in my lungs.
I breast stroke through denial. Soon I can unplug.
Puddles of mucus. Fever free. So subtle. They're clueless.
Lovely illusions. A pandemic of pandering.
An entire life lived through a family
I never meant. Now examine me.
A phantom seen through lenses and vantaging
that'll miss what was written. A sampling.
Just a memory vanishing. Even if I could channel things
from some distant, remnant, semblance, I'd ramble. Leave
so much to interpretation. Plus, absurd to say it.
'My dad died of COVID' stained across his future.
A statistic for the cynics. Just data on computers.
If you ever see all that I wrote I hope you'll read it all right.
I'm sipping coffee in this coffin. Caffiending for life.
I loved you every minute. Every fraction of time.
I'll love you tomorrow if I get one after I've died.

This Wuhan soup's got miso batty.
Noodling ramen. Nah. Ramadan. This seems so savage.
Macho men with contraband. A bistro patty.
Arrested in a restaurant of free folks gathering.
Introverts giggle with the cheat code. Happily
camping out at home with the TiVo spasming.
Neo. Deebo. Is this a sequel Happening?
I ponder as I ride my bike down streets. Closed captioning.

I like the rhymes here. I realize they continue but I liked this section the most. For what it's worth I thought it looked/read better in paragraph format so you maybe shouldn't have changed it. But that's just my opinion

Dull killing it in here

The Wuhan soup got me so batty!!!

Penis big as Peter Griffin. Your stiffy's meters. I got a griffin's peter.

Sweet and sharp man. Lots of strong vocab and interesting imagery used here. You conveyed inner turmoil. The image I got was a guy muttering to himself in a dark room. Rhyme scheme was straightforward but appropriate for the tone of the piece. You should look into joining the GWL man. I see some great potential here.

Short and dope af. Got the message across with less is more at its core intertwined with good flow and rhymescheme. Heartfelt and honest. Good shit for sure.