WEEK 9 CHAMP MATCH: Clutbuck vs Bodey BODEY FORFEITS, OPEN FOR FEED
 

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/52/d9...ff053135dd.jpg


Aunt Flow has arrived — and she’s vying for blood.
It’s that time of the month where no matter how high you can jump,
it won’t quite be enough.
Deciding to run your loved one a warm soapy bath
is a war zone to navigate with hormones attached.
If you thought showing that you cared was a suitable move
How stupid were you for forgetting “You don’t usually do,”?
Using the new bath bombs could result in fireworks
so trust you might get burnt unless you run it by her first.
She’s been put on high alert to spot your mistakes
and constant complaints of, god forbid, wanting a break!
Better watch what you say, ‘cause she’ll cut you to shreds
with 100% accuracy in deconstructing attempts
to mumble obscenities under your breath.
I wouldn’t attempt it,
to be honest.
A cheap pop within earshot of her eavesdropping could lead on into real problems.
Keep conscious of accepting your wrong.
You’ll lose your voice tryna prove a point; and never get it across with your head bitten off.
Once red hits the cloth, it’s like a rag to a bull
but with the most angry compulsion imaginable!
You’re cast in a full-blown Period Drama so don’t act off script
If there’s a thin line between love and hate, it’s a tampon string.
In fact conflict is where she always excels
with an ear to the ground to hear every sound as you walk on eggshells.
Be sure to tread well and truly clear of her path
stealing the blanket could wake both your wife, and her fearsome wrath.
Bed-haired deathstare piercing your back with every movement
as destitute as the black leather pouffe she never uses.
The full-length thats looming isn’t sat right
positioned at ninety degrees so its mirror glass finds you always in a bad light.
Here’s a bit of advice:
If you’re at odds, don’t get even.
She’ll roll over leaving you the cold shoulder treatment, even though she’s heated.
Their whole demeanour can change in the blink of an eye
one minute she’s tired of arguing, the next she’s hitting the highest pitch of her life!
You’ll see a different side to the woman you married
once blood hits the pantyliner, her stomach is cramped and she’s suffering acne.
You’ll look as unhappy as her when the monthly cycle ends
and bid a rushed goodbye again to your uninvited guest.
The cupboards might be empty and you’ll sleep on the couch
when she is around which leaves me no doubt two’s company...
but three is a crowd.

Period.




Ciao!

Check

@Clutbuck I’m posting tomorrow

Open for feed!

Feed it is. Damn man. Nothing like being on the receiving end of a woman at that time of the month. Your use of wordplay really stood out in this one. Such as:

Using the new bath bombs could result in fireworks

You’ll lose your voice tryna prove a point; and never get it across with your head bitten off.

You’re cast in a full-blown Period Drama so don’t act off script
If there’s a thin line between love and hate, it’s a tampon string.

If you’re at odds, don’t get even.
She’ll roll over leaving you the cold shoulder treatment, even though she’s heated.


Hilarious shit motivated by real pain. Guess that's the curse of comedy. You brought strong vocab and mixed it in with the rhyme scheme that flowed well but wasn't encumbered by too many compound rhymes. Great use of metaphors sprinkled throughout as well. The sign off was as appropriate as it could get. A couple of overstretched lines here and there but that was a minor niggle in what was overall a great drop. It's a shame this went to a no show, but in any case, congrats champ!

Lars that was really good, you pulled it off swimmingly. Longer lines than usual which harkens back to your earlier Baron Mynd days, i think i remember you used the centered text format? Nice work with the puns. The rhyming, like your chicken verse a few weeks ago, was very skilled.

"A cheap pop within earshot of her eavesdropping could lead on into real problems.
Keep conscious of accepting your wrong.
You’ll lose your voice tryna prove a point; and never get it across with your head bitten off."

That was suave!

This was well done. Good work, would've been tough to 'beat'. I wonder how you would fare in terms of writing non-rhyming short stories. It might be a good change of pace to do it on the side, where it's more about the story and less about the rhyme/flare/flips... just my thought. I know you take pride in this medium.

Take care and thx for read

a top-notch showing Lars, this verse was definitely championship caliber.

I thought it was a really clever take on the pic, it is not where my mind went at all so it was nice to see such a different approach. You also pulled it off extremely well.

Stylistically, I've always been a fan of your approach to writing. The sarcastic, punny, borderline corny witticisms really appeal to me as a writer, as I also enjoy that particular style.

In terms of flow, you write multi's effortlessly and they rarely-if-ever feel like your word choices were forced to fit the rhyme. Many people (myself included) sometimes end up with awkward turns of phrase in order to make the rhyme work. You never really seem to fall into that trap.

In addition, you carry 5-7 syllable multis for four lines (sometimes more) with a naturalness that is what I wish more writers would strive for. I know multi's aren't everything, but at a high-level of writing, they are very important imo.

You also have this ability to take your multi, after four or so lines, and continue that multi at the beginning of the next line as you transition to a different multi. A couple examples...

Aunt Flow has arrived — and she’s vying for blood.
It’s that time of the month where no matter how high you can jump,
it won’t quite be enough.
Deciding to run your loved one a warm soapy bath
is a war zone to navigate with hormones attached.

the 'deciding to run' makes the transition from one multi rhyme to another seamless.

You’re cast in a full-blown Period Drama so don’t act off script
If there’s a thin line between love and hate, it’s a tampon string.
In fact conflict is where she always excels


this was the one rhyme where the multi felt a little off to me, act off script/tampon string is a bit of an off-rhyme, though I know that with your accent it probably works better. Plus, having the "in fact conflict" at the beginning of the next line helps overall with the structure and even to my north american reading makes it go more smooth.

Lots of good little wordplays and flips, such as "rags to a bull" and the "bath bomb/fireworks" flip. Also this couplet was nice

If you’re at odds, don’t get even.
She’ll roll over leaving you the cold shoulder treatment, even though she’s heated.

the odd/even and cold shoulder/heated dichotomies were used to good effect. the fact that you had

don't get even/roll over leaving/cold shoulder treatment/though she's heated

as a multi in two lines... inners and multis incestuously intertwined. dopeness.

Overall, this would have been a tough verse to beat, and as I said in my predictions in the mag, you have "solidified your spot in the pantheon of topical gods" lol.

Thanks for the read, it's got me motivated to try and write better next week.

Respect fellas.

I didn’t see anyone note it yet either but this was more of a topical, I didn’t even tell a story this week. Switched it up on you all once again.

Mr. Unpredictable.

I’d like my Guerrilla Writing League (x2) accomp adding to this account also plz when you’re ready mods

clutbuck you definitely have some experience dealing with the monthly visitors you really killed it with this one the topic you chose was awesome great writing definitely one of the best pieces in the season