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-   -   GWL WK 2: Orrie vs Fraze (ORRIE WINS VIA NS) (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142550)

Objective 03-24-2020 04:57 AM

GWL WK 2: Orrie vs Fraze (ORRIE WINS VIA NS)
 
https://i.ibb.co/tXky91q/CBC664-C1-F...-CDDACB9-C.jpg
GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


GTL WK2: @orrie (0-0) vs @fraze (0-0)

30 lines max.
Check-in due Wednesday UK time. Verses due Friday. Votes due Sunday.

Topic:
https://i.imgur.com/KAznRr9.jpg

orrie 03-24-2020 08:01 PM

reporting..

orrie 03-27-2020 07:48 PM

"Cutflower expedites process.."

The paraphonic growls of timber
and chutes shrilling
aren’t enough to awaken me
amidst heart’s unwinding.
The timing is unusual;
as are the meetings that gather

folk and light
thistle and warning
acclimation and possession

They say a light guides you
if it’s beside you,
And we carry through villages
a surplus of temptation/comfort
Fairy spuds move laterally
between horse tracks
and calves, cracks create three
where there was one.

one case study: originality has ceded
from cedar shores adorned by creature lore.

We burn at night
so that the morning incense
mix the dust of cutflower
and history’s gone,

I walk like a bear-trap hidden
beneath the snow
with an innkeeper,
who keeps tally of bird feathers

and the reflection of light
allows me to see the hatchet he holds,
assuring me with each strike
generations will grow thin and old.

sral 03-27-2020 07:54 PM

LOL @orrie are you @Candy’s mom?

orrie 03-27-2020 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sraL (Post 762132)
LOL @orrie are you @Candy’s mom?

I wish.

Then I could finally confirm where this rash came from.

Clutbuck 03-30-2020 03:57 PM

I think you’re good. This isn’t the “style” I’m used to seeing here, it’s very different than what we’re familiar with, I think in terms of pure writing - your word choice, your descriptive imagery, your writers voice - you’re strong. I’m not so sure how well this more poetic tale would fare against some of our more technically proficient and rhyme scheme heavy writers, that would be a style clash for sure and could be interesting to see unfold, but you definitely have more in the tank than some of the current sign-ins and I’ll enjoy seeing you face them as you progress.

Well done.

Adverse 03-31-2020 09:53 AM

I hate to echo what Clut has already said but he has a strong point. Really like your tale stylistically but don't know if it would measure up well in a "battle" scenario against somebody whose story was a little more concrete and with a better bridged storyline. I enjoyed this piece as a standalone nonetheless so good work

Adverse 04-01-2020 07:25 PM

Orrie wins via NS


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