Love
 

Love is a refugee camp, with unlocked doors, freely, all are granted entrance. Instead, in trance of the chaos beyond the bounds of this ambrosial refuge, there is a war against its impenetrable security. I fear I am alone within these walls. Please, come in with me. I hear you fighting, and pleading, and I commiserate, but in the residence of love, there is no contention, just, unconditional understanding. Within love, you can stand out, if you just open the door and blend in with me. I almost want to break free, because I can not bare to desert the world, within misery.

ha ha ha, this was comical to me. Not because inherently it has comedy in it, but the juxtaposition between love and misery, fighting and surrendering was evocative, in a way that evoked laughter. This is certainly different than most writing here, and I don't mean that in a good way or in a bad way, it's just different with no positive or negative implications attached to it.

The tone of this shows a very intuitive person, one who's in touch with their self. But, this connection has a crux, that sensitive individuals tend to know. Sensitivity brings out the ability to penetrate insight into things most cannot, due to being able to gaze into the mystery, into the subtlety. However, the double-edged sword is that the burning desire to understand this inner world means the creation of your own trap. Here, you display these trappings; love within misery, misery within love, never fully revealing your intention. Paradox is a great tool, but eventually you must allow the winds of your own non-conformity to settle for a moment to lead us, the reader, out the dungeon that you yourself guided us into. Now, while you can leave us trapped in there, that is only a tool that should only be used at particular junctions because it leaves a sense of disastication on the reader because the path never went anywhere, it just went kind of full circle, without probing the depths of what can potentially be.

You also have a very rich voice to your writing, it seems experienced. What you lack though is the ability to go outside of yourself and disregard these barriers you created, so you can add other dimensions to your writings; other things that will add more richness to your pieces. And this other syntactical devices that could help are things that add a more tangible feel to your work, similes and allegories that pertain to something outside of your own feelings. Perhaps, you sometimes you do muster this, but its an exception and every writer has tendencies they must be aware of so they can deconstruct themselves constantly. Tendencies that show in the tone, in the language, vocabulary, voice, setting, emotion, choice of images and etc.
"Ambrosial refuge" I like that, will probably add it to my list of phrases I keep in the back of brain.

Thanks.

Thank you. I have to completely agree with you on all points. Any suggestions? I tend to use passive voice a lot, which is common in women. Any suggestions from a mans perspective on how to escape passive voice? Suggestions in language, I can use to avoid these habits? @UnbornBuddha

This isn't a bad verse, next time make ya verse with more feelings, emotions, and expression.

Now finish her roro

Lmao

Lol. You all are adorable.