just fuckin around
 

Hear the words of a poet.. the darkest writer..
Spit a verse at its coldest, spark the lighter..
The mark of a fighter, when i carve the mic up..
I start a fire when i breathe flames.. charred you right up..
Now you cant stop the brightest when i start to light up..
The shows over.. Im cold and so sober..
you know dozers flow is so potent
Hold the whole toke in, cope with no choking.
Im not ready to stop writin, developing..
Hit the booth, sick..with a mic and hellish grin..
On point like a tooth pick, life im dwellin in
has been rough so i fight like an elephant,
Till death..so true but my types irrelevant.
Hold up..Dont you wait, i know im folding...
To a soldiers fate..
so heavy..that my shoulders could break..
But dont you worry im in a frozen state...

See you in season 3

probably not, tbh. Too much life shit going on right now. I might come around for season 3. Ill see whats up

The mark of a fighter, when i carve the mic up..
I start a fire when i breathe flames.. charred you right up..

haha damn. Props on the short drop. was this a keystyle? would love to see some real jaw dropping shit

It was something i was playin around with for an audio. Thx for the feedback.

pretty dope flow to it, similar style as i like to use, but hey i record to so there is that

you the dude from FiendWorld or BeatsRhymesLife or LetsBeef?

Dope shit bro, i know we suppose to get a collab on but i been super busy. Ill try to get something to you this week. Enjoyed this though.

Pretty cool...not a massive fan of you endin' three lines in a row with 'up', I fucks with it tho...thanks for the feed.

thanks lars. No i aint any of those dudes

hey buddy long time no see.

ur style is interesting to me. i just feel like u could do SOOO much more with it, i think i've told u that before even.

i can tell by ur spits and ur feed that u like to flow, u like to scheme and get shit smooth. i also understand u always write to make ur shit fit to beats

the problem i have is that ur content is generally really boring. hold the whole toke in, dope wrote, know theres no chokin, posts is so potent... spark the mic up charred it right up, start a fire breathing flames etc etc etc.
it really is the most boring old shit . but u CAN take this same old idea and still make it dope by wording it more intensely. like heres some dull boy excerpts :

Fucking monster of written rhymage, rotten, a Gremlin diving in aqua. Spitting fiery dollops. Try dripping dry of this lava when it sticks and binds. I'm splitting sides, no kidding, get ripped in five by the wattage I fit inside of these octaves. The sickest, grimiest, hocking meningitis and toxic shit I type in an office.

. Mouthful of ink, brain-clouds on the brink of spilling, drowning in think. The villain, vowing to keep filling vowels with steam, thousand degree illin', howitzer heat. Grimace, scowling, in deep feelings, astounding with speech

. I'm dope with potent scripts, and flow with smoking spit. My notes corrode and rip opposing foes to bits. A clone of Roman myths. Too cocky for modest praise. The proxy when God's detained. I copied bubonic plague from Johnny Numonic's brain, cropped it to solid state and dropped it upon this page



He's basically saying the same shit as u but the WAY he's doing it 100 times more original. not to mention the scheming is dope as fuck.

I think that u can scheme like this. u just haven't pushed urself, u stay comfy with the easy shit ur used to

obviously i have a problem with writing about this kinda shit alot too but i feel like with me i at least try to scheme the motherfuck out of it, and thats what makes it interesting. i just find ur stuff WAY too simple all the time. To me if ur style is going to be simple then u really really better have a super original or deep message. If ur gonna rap about how ill u are then show us while u do it

First bar showed some potential

Hear the words of a poet.. the darkest writer..
Spit a verse at its coldest, spark the lighter.

the dual schemes/rhyming the whole bar woulda been dope if u kept it going, but u reverted right back to the simple shit on the next one and didn't go back to it. know what i mean?

anyways i know u obviously didn’t spend a ton of time on this. So this feed is more of a comment on ur style in general, rather than this particular piece.
haha sorry to be a little harsh but i think u need to hear it if u truly wanna get better. Also i know ur not a fuckin loser and won’t be a bitch about it, so i really am just trying to help and i wanna see u really rip something, and then once u get the handle on the text shit then convert them to audio and it would be sick. Again i wouldn’t even say all this unless i actually thought u COULD do it. glad ur still around bro, i’ll look for ur next one to see where your at.

Thank you for that. That is some of the best feedback ive gotten here. Youre spot on with that too i might add. I didnt put too much time, as the thread title suggests, i was messin aroind with this as it was an audio collab that fell through. I always write to have my shit flow proper to beats. Because my main focus of writing is creating music. I take your advice to heart, and ill definitely keep what you said in mind and continue trying to push myself to write better. Thanks again brah