SYSTEMATIC
 

its bb da bb. I'm bb da bb lol!! :))

It's paragraphical nonsense, problematic at best.
Rewrote a lucid science atlas with sabbatical text, and
replaced the end with amusing plot synopsis.
A liar at crest like, yeah i'll go through the cosmos
"mutant cockroach attacks that left the Mayans extinct"
A chariot ain't a chariot with the heads of giants ahead
See my time isn't time, it's just a parallel linear quotient
coinciding with lineal solstice, riding around in a carousel
through the fairytale of theorems in motion
See, dimensional physics is step you've never envisioned
it's a leg up on ethical physics. time travel is a limited specialty
imagine alien schemes, an assembly of spirits on lines A-to-B
on a similar spectrum waving beamed retinal visions of entropy
imagine a momma whale on a quantum scale where the ocean ends
now dream; subatomic leap, of ergonomic scheme where we co-exist
ah-ha!, i don't know what i said, but i said it with pride
that describes 99% of the lives that ever existed, said in a rhyme
don't mention the spread, i spent most of my time in hell with a pen
can't say i'm the greatest; 'havent proved to yourself im the best"
like what the fucks that mean, compare linen to velvet decorum
"YOU HAVE TO WRITE A BOOK, HEMINGWAY WOULDVE NEVER SPENT TIME ON A FORUM"
golden pistol and bullets, enamored quietly with the red that i bleed
shot me down romantically. decided orange wasnt the color you dreamed
this is macabre art, so much grit in my teeth, ive leveled the two
dents & crease made the whistling tune that much clever to flute
porcupine percussion, pinprick vinyl songs are culture
made backbone to society. that's when his spinal column ruptured
lines i oughta've mustered, for myself and the lives i ought'a touch
sucker to sticking around. staring at the stickers of car trunks bumpers
awestruck, cluster of dead-ends and living on edge
offed myself to shel silversteins where the sidewalk ends
my minds all vexed. aint complacent, just feel a volatile burning
never would kill myself, mossberg growing moss, i call it my tropical arming

True true

Haha....rippin arms off jk juz a bb got me


Yessiiiiir

Crazy.

lol dope

@Certain change title to SYSTEMATIC

damn bruh

hemingway line was like dexlabb and NYC combined into a single accusatory stab at motivation.

shel silverstein was fantastic. the author that is. not really the line..

the satire is strong with this one. waxing hard here bb. not your best but still its good to see you posting around these parts.

thanks

damn dude, thats straight up talent.

Greatness

Thats straight up talent, I said it twice.

Bb this with was beautiful

closer had me like

my nigga

This was seriously some of the most beautiful shit I have read. Coming from me, that probably doesn't mean shit to you... but I think you've got "genius" written all over you.

My first impression of you was quite the opposite, but now I see... praise the Baby.

I could read this shit over and over again... I wonder how much time you spent on it?
@BIG FUCKA BABY

20 minutes give or take

This is dope

Da BB be non-stop trippin on salvia (see image).

https://38.media.tumblr.com/f2923ebe...u2cno1_500.jpg

This was excellent and educational. I particularly enjoyed this lines
"See my time isn't time, it's just a parallel linear quotient
coinciding with lineal solstice, riding around in a carousel
through the fairytale of theorems in motion
See, dimensional physics is step you've never envisioned
it's a leg up on ethical physics. time travel is a limited specialty
imagine alien schemes, an assembly of spirits on lines A-to-B
on a similar spectrum waving beamed retinal visions of entropy"

The essence of this lines are encompassed by a a type of warp speed imagery that is travelling in the mental axis of one's mind. Since one of the tags state a DBZ connotation I will therefore state that it also resembled the world of the death where the spirits are awaiting in line to be sentenced by King Yama. Their forms being amorphous and ethereal.
On another note, you tend to jump around a lot with many comparative assertions. Formulaic wise this connotes ambiguity. But not so much of an ambiguity that one needs to put on their detective lens to solve the mystery. Considering the last few lines I would venture to say this was a rendition of a suicide note, but the writer never committed the atrocious act, and so it's more of a reflection/ journaling of the angst when such contemplation takes hold.

A bit more straightforwardness would serve this piece well, as well as more interconnection of the thematic factors at play. Because although they point to a theme they do not fully depict the bigger picture. These nuances that I point to are in no way a nitpicking to try to exemplify a detriment, but rather simply notions that came forth as I read and analyzed the text.

A coming together of all the role playing elements that are happening in the main stage of the writing will suffice to culminate a truly outstanding piece. A scrupulous focusing on the merging of it all will prevent the reader from iatrogenic metaphorical poisoning when ingesting the medicine imbued in the literary world you've crafted.

Thank you.