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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Take a deep breath (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=140655)

HollaFrontOG 08-30-2019 10:56 PM

Take a deep breath
 
I dont care if it takes the whole weekend or maybe the four seasons
But I'm back for the thrown, and I ain't playin man with this zone defense
So imma break your soul..squeezin, til there ain't no mo' breathin
Take ur moms gun...and put 'her piece' in ur mouth and stop your canker sore healin
There ain't novices, but listen up scout, just know you cant honor this
I'll flip em the bird, I pinky swear, but on the other hand, I break promises
Tryin to say I'm a breath of fresh air then call me trash under your breath
But in the same breath u can't even take my breath away with some of your text
So take a breather and save your breath if wanna keep your ounce of respect
Choke you with no breathing room, literally catch your breath while im breathing down your neck

Witty 08-31-2019 03:51 AM

This was dope.

HollaFrontOG 09-01-2019 10:12 AM

Thanks. Appreciate the feed.

Exis 09-02-2019 03:19 AM

Thought the first 4 bars were raw fam, the other lines are just nice bro...Kudos.

HollaFrontOG 09-04-2019 09:37 PM

Thanks, appreciate it

Pharaohs Army 09-09-2019 02:22 AM

8 mentions of breath or breathing in the last four lines kind of ruined what you had started

HollaFrontOG 09-10-2019 09:52 PM

Thanks. But it was a jab at someone who tried to call my work trash but then say I'm a breath of fresh air here...so it was based off facts...not just some random stuff I came up with...but thanks anyway

Witty 09-11-2019 08:54 AM

Name names.

HollaFrontOG 09-11-2019 10:35 AM

It's in one of my other pieces I dropped. I guess I can go look for the quote later

CopyPat 09-14-2019 10:56 AM

I mean nothing wrong with this but was a little boring to me. Obviously this was a battle type verse which isn't my cup of tea but I just didn't find it very inventive. Rhyming wise it was solid, no hiccups, read smooth. Breathing stuff at the end felt forced. Potential here for sure, stay up

Pakistani Hand Cannon 09-15-2019 06:08 PM

i thought this was weak tbh...
Quote:

So imma break your soul..squeezin, til there ain't no mo' breathin
Take ur moms gun...and put 'her piece' in ur mouth and stop your canker sore healin
like really? soul squeezing till there aint no mo breathing? that sounds good to you?

Quote:

There ain't novices, but listen up scout, just know you cant honor this
I'll flip em the bird, I pinky swear, but on the other hand, I break promises
i did genuinely like this line though. so word.


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