veritas
 

whenever i see someone from my past, after the interaction, be it good or bad i end up in a shame spiral of misery

how does one overcome having been a piece of shit?

most people who are pieces of shit aren't cognizant of it, its sort of a prerequisite. but i was, and am fully aware of what i was, so how does one come to grips with it

forgive yourself
move on
be better

my strategy is

forget about it
move on
be better

which works until your reminded of it.

the whole forgiveness thing is probably the correct route. i was a legit scumbag THO. and i have my credo's and rules to life, where i wouldn't forgive others for said misdeeds, so if i was to forgive my own actions it would be hypocritical. at the same time i've made amends, which is supposed to clear the conscience somewhat, but not really

in reality its mainly just scumbag violence and thievery, general loser debauchery. but fucking over people who thought they were my friends but werent type scenarios.

today i ran into a peripheral friend of a certain scenario where someone we both know was a victim of my youthful retardation. it was just a casual oh watsup dude hows shit going scenario nothing to do with anything but it brought it all back up and i was miserable afterward because i was confronted by old demons. like he had nothing to do with anything other than i knew him from when i was scum

oh well. tis life, eh

Stay the course

I get this.

Alcohol helps.

Until the next morning when you are extremely paranoid for no reason at all.

But yeah...you can't change the past my friend.

I live with the same shame and guilt as you. It may not ever go away, but you just have to be who you are now.

Love yourself bro.

The answer is tied to another question's answer, sir.

that being:

"How long does one need to be changed before people believe in the fact and treat him as such?"

the answer?

"As long as it takes."

the closer they were to you, or the more dirt you did to them, the longer it will take. It is also possible that they will never change their perceptions of you. You must wisely discern this.

The question now is, have you changed?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLprXKxbRiU

but nah of course i've changed. not mentally though. im still the same piece of shit i just don't put myself in position to be a piece of shit anymore.

also i want to say im not concerned with others perceptions of me, but i guess that is exactly it. this instance for example, in my head this person should see me as a piece of shit, but they don't. which complicates things because i'm a genuinely likable dude. which is stupid to say, but i feel like everyone wants to be my friend and i hate it. but anyways i think its alot of guilt in the sense that they shouldn't like me but they do. and then enlightenment. thanks doggie. i don't like myself so i don't get why others do.

boom

At first I was like ego. But then I see you had good insight in your conclusion. Dope. Lots of ways to go from here. Question: do you dislike yourself less the same or more now than then?

I need to know this before more discussion, Jim.

Imagine taking emotional counsel from online troll therapist.

Imagine coming up with a great idea, acting on that idea then watching it fall to crumbles round 1....can we all say Rebuttal Tourney???

Imagine coming up with a swag and flow verse so mediocre that have you bite good enough lines to pad it out, then sucking so hard at cheating that you're caught immediately.

Imagine trying to start a music career again again again then never going anywhere you stop and then 6 years later you think mmmhh maybe now is good....

No dude you're missing the joke

My post was something that you did

Right cause that was a different Sharp that made this thread....http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=134794

Imagine getting your gym shorts, tube socks and flip flops on driving to your local mall and waiting in the Macy's parking lot, smoking a pack of Newport 100s waiting for hours for a response from an online personality that has lead you to believe he's in your city....

same amount

its not a thorough dislike. i understand why people would like me. im gorgeous, charismatic, and remarkably intelligent. i just don't like anyone. myself included. i try to lead a life where no one expects anything of me ever. the problem is that people enjoy my personage, which in turn leads to expectations of wanting to enjoy the company of said personage. which in turn leads to guilt when i ghost them.

but all of that was besides the point of the thread.

Lol who is smoking newports?

And u really think I went to a Macy’s parking lot to meet you?

I think I said Nordstrom’s anyways smh

Where about that do I talk about the music career? Gigs are just side money dude. I still like making it, like my thread said, cause ART

Imagine being so bad with personals or reading comprehension that you need to overcompensate for it with your custom ms paint avy