Netcees - Reserve Rumble: Incredible, Ouch, Sletch, Sinacog, Defiant

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- The Summer Classic X (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=293)

- - Reserve Rumble: Incredible, Ouch, Sletch, Sinacog, Defiant (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143426)

Reserve Rumble: Incredible, Ouch, Sletch, Sinacog, Defiant

https://i.ibb.co/tQ81f3f/scxlogo.png

Round One

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FIGHT!

DUE: Friday, the 5th of June @ 11:59 PM PST aka 3 am on the beast coast

THIS IS FOR A SPOT AS THE RESERVE

YOU ONLY ADVANCE IN THE TOURNEY BASED ON DOUBLE NO SHOWS IN THE MAIN EVENT CARD

IF THERE ARE TWO DOUBLE NO SHOWS, IT WILL BE RANKED BY VOTES

DROP 10 LINES NO MORE NO LESS AND ATTACK ANY AND ALL OPPONENTS

The rest you already know, I won't accept tom foolery and fuckery

@Sinacog
@Defiant
@sletch
@Incredible
@Ouch

Incredible, Ouch, Slect, Defiant -

I'm the deathly serpent; the breath of serpent; the deathliest dragon
We all know Ouch, and Slect are incredibly defiant; like a servant of God..
I'm the breath of serpents; I'm the breath of raptor; the deathly chapter
My bars will be evil; and I'm as sharp as a needle; I'm a deathly raptor..
I'm the serpent from the veliscoraptor period; revered as quench
I'm the sea of split; I'm apparent I'm good..'TAKE IT EASY KIDS'..
I'm the raptor from scissor; the raptor from lizard demon dimension
I'm the ascension; after this sharp sword; you'll need redemption..
I'm the character from scissor; I drank the elixir from a lizard..
I'm the equipped wisdom..I put all four nerds..into a eternal blizzard..

Fuck Sin, I’m tearin him open.
Headshot — give ‘Cog shells to his ear & he ain’t hearin the ocean.
Defiant’s losing streak defies fact & myth:
The scales’re always tipped in ya favor when you’re a 300lb. sack of shit.
Slecht’s a retard w/ a caregiver, NEVER close to a win.
Shout out to Rican sitter.. & he should do that before he ever posts here again.
Incredible’s dead — I’m wettin him on sight.
If we see him “put up 10,” he’ll have both hands in the air while beggin for his life.
Ouch never sees pussy.. I get wake up calls from bitches I’ve hit.
A drunk text for him involves loggin into NC at 6am w/ a sixer of Schlitz.

FEEL THE HEAT

Defiant a bigger no show artist than 'killing spree', hold up I'm about to go on one
A massive clip u d'wanna see, old tommy more off its rocker than coop in disc. forum
Vs. Sinacog? I'll skin a cog that's a cat-dog. Press that into your noggin
Votes ON GAWD? thats a problem I SWEAR I got this so wrapped up you'd think I was hoggin
I think it's crazy all these old cats came back shortly after Ouch arrived
Funny thing is they still got it, and you..? WAAAYY passed ur stride
Slecht wife could be used as a pasture ride, admit the bih sloppy
Country games hobby, her bobbing stand located in the back cut of the property
Who didn't I mention yet? Oh right this lame comeback kid DLB
Taken off? Nah jets will crumble ya whole lines just not good ok C.J. Mosley?

Quote:

Originally Posted by slecht (Post 775499)

Vote

Wavy

If you had just dropped a verse you be in the next round smh

I get the sense that no one is going to feed the Cypher battle... That ain't right

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incredible (Post 775290)

Defiant a bigger no show artist than 'killing spree', hold up I'm about to go on one
A massive clip u d'wanna see, old tommy more off its rocker than coop in disc. forum
this is an okay punch. The flip is basic, but passable with good wording. The wording here isn't great. If you're calling coop and uncle Tom with this - and I'm 90% you are - it's clever, but that idea gets lost in the execution. The setup itself, while out of the box, takes a long time to make a really basic killing Spree flip. Also, it is pretty long with clunky wording and gets kind of distracting. Imo, by making the connection of Defiant -> no-shows-> Spree-> basic killing flip it's almost jarring when the punch itself is so far from where the bar started.
Vs. Sinacog? I'll skin a cog that's a cat-dog. Press that into your noggin
Votes ON GAWD? thats a problem I SWEAR I got this so wrapped up you'd think I was hoggin
I like how you're trying to mock his style in the setup. I do not get the punchline at all, unless you're just saying you're hogging votes, in which case, it's not that great - lacks anything too clever on its own or some misdirection/wordplay to give it some extra oomph
I think it's crazy all these old cats came back shortly after Ouch arrived
Funny thing is they still got it, and you..? WAAAYY passed ur stride
I'm gonna nitpick because you're obviously getting the dub here. This is a decent personal angle that probably could've gotten more love. There's a lot more you could've done with 'stride' that could make this dope. Also in this setting, you could be writing a bar about 4 different people, so when you address Ouch in the third person in the setup and second person in the punch, it almost feels like the bar must be for someone else. You could avoid this by referring to Ouch as 'you' in the setup, totally acceptable in a five way battle

I mean:
Ouch, it's crazy these vets showed up after you arrived
(punchline)
Slecht wife could be used as a pasture ride, admit the bih sloppy
Country games hobby, her bobbing stand located in the back cut of the property
I'm only half sure I get this line so I'll hold off on feedback
Who didn't I mention yet? Oh right this lame comeback kid DLB
Taken off? Nah jets will crumble ya whole lines just not good ok C.J. Mosley?
I'm not sure what happened, but DLB (Steve Fox) isn't in this? Regardless, it's probably your best bar. The association of 'taken off' to jets isn't bad, but you didn't do much more than include it. The "just not good" connection is confusing. I had to google I and it's a five year old quote? If that's what you were going for, this probably would be better if more of the focus was on beating/breaking down lines

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enbombz (Post 775506)

If you had just dropped a verse you be in the next round smh

No one that was in this battle is going to the second round. There wasn't a double no show.

@Sharp dope feedback the hoggin line was supposed to be a tie in with "wrapped up" like people do to hogs. Lol And slecht line was a attempt at making her out to be a sloppy dick sucking whore. I know you didn't ask for an explanation but thanks for the feedback sir.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incredible (Post 775509)

Oh, that makes more sense wirh hogging. It's a cool idea now that I get it. And I figured that was the point of the Slecht bar - you Def got the point across - I was just saying I didn't know if I was missing something. Figured it was something like bobbing for apples with the flip, but I wasn't 100%