DEAD MAN: PLEASE
 

come home


say hello


drop your purse on the rug
at that time i was so certain of us. worldly combust
fuel metal jacket arson in love. carving his sculpture
chronic loss of composure. the thought that it's over
walking with my shoulders low in search. nothing novel.
I failed you to show you revival .. more or less
Orson Wells the futuristic. eucalyptus, bloom sickness
cue another new conviction. mood swing like superstition
superficial surface stain upon your existence
hungover jury noose addition. call in your witness
call me. just.. call me. listen. take no advice
fuck your taxes, kill your hobbies, marry your wife
awaken reciting passages i've dreamt in the night
i can't accept the fact i'm no exception in life
somebody else's problems don't exist. sho you right
nobody else is honest as we think. so we write
open microphone relational creating a kind
there's always soul to manifest. tapes to rewind
hate to rekindle, fences to climb. temptation to die
escort me safely inside. deadbolt dropping behind
lockjaw talking in circles. formerly known as color me purple
satin suit spotlight smoking right through rehearsal
I am loss. Jack's referral to a better release
her conditioner still scenting my sheets. please come home.





deadman

awaken reciting passages i've dreamt in the night
i can't accept the fact i'm no exception in life
somebody else's problems don't exist. sho you right
nobody else is honest as we think. so we write
open microphone relational creating a kind
there's always soul to manifest. tapes to rewind

this was my favorite section. before that it seemed like you just started writing and fell into assonance and phrases that were fun and playful for you. after that it felt a little shoehorned to me tbh. this was more of an exercise to flush through ideas than a fully realized effort to me, which is mostly how I write rhymes these days so I'm not judging.

I am loss. Jack's referral to a better release
her conditioner still scenting my sheets. please come home.

when I got to this point, I said wow. Of course the technical proficiency of your pieces does not need repeating. What I really want you to know is that I enjoyed this, and I also want to know who hurt you? Or how do you allow the pain to muse you so well?

bb always reed dedmun driniking coffeee t real good love redding dead nun withckffee. u did not sux thx.

It seemed sporadic but on point. like something that you wanted to say for years, just marinating in your head, something you rehearsed regurgitating models and volumes of the one hong, the one sentiment you felt. Come back, please. Be in my life, but don't be my life so when you leave, it doesn't feel like death. Something like that. So many small, sharp shooting phrases you leave out that always makes reading something super interesting. I am probably the only one on here who doesn't read it to a beat, but more of like a story. Did not suck thx

Fuck your taxes, kill your hobby, marry your wife
Phewwwww. That shit slapped fuck outta me

This was awesome. ThankS DM

Damn thisnfood

Top tier stuff, best of the bunch on the first page.

You're good.

Yeah.^^

the end was too abrupt. so abrupt.

It's yours to continue @Split Eight

This was a very smooth read from the start.
The way you simply weave your pattern is very impressive.

Orson Wells the futuristic. eucalyptus, bloom sickness
cue another new conviction. mood swing like superstition
superficial surface stain upon your existence
hungover jury noose addition. call in your witness
call me. just.. call me. listen.

^^^^^
that whole section right there was very smooth
noose addition/eucalyptus that whole thing was great.
admirable work, I dont know what else to say that hasnt been said.