MMA fighter vs. A chimpanzee , who would win
 

chimps maul peoples faces off, but its always people that aren't fighting back. they go in the fetal position while the monkey rages on them.

chimps are stronger in some ways. actually most ways. but no way can a monkey bench press more than a body builder so iono


what if a trained MMA fighter went maniac psycho on a monkey , using grappling and striking skills



what would be the outcome

chimp

/thread

Im a trained mma fighter. Id say strength vs skill & strength. Granted i heard those things are really strong. So ima go with mma fighter on this one

incorrect.

what if the chimp was wearing a muzzle?

chimp all day

cake, close thread

5 mma fighters

1 chimp

chimp wins

ALL FUCKING DAY

honestly i dont know if 30 could do it

can you even hurt a chimpanzee with human blows?

maybe 10 humans with machetes

mustachio has redeemed himself with that one pic. ive been trying to hate on you because you are an entity rather than a real person. but as a fellow human who has googled shaved chimpanzees/bald chimps you are now my homie

<3

Chimp wins. Dumb question.

sure chimps are impervious to anything a human can dish out


fucking bullshit


a Mike Tyson in his prime upper cut would put one to sleep

As long as that chimp ain't named evander holyfield

Srs chimps don't fight like humans so imma training against humans is useless. Do you have any idea how flexible a chimp is? An arm bar ain't gonna do shit lmao let alone that chimps fight other fuckin chimps...a chimp punch with their strength is a lot harder than a human punch. They're use to getting hit hard an use to mauling....any human would get mutilated in 2 seconds

he would get his fingers eaten off

then his genitals

a more proper question would be, if a chimpanzee was restrained and tied so it couldnt move, and mike tyson unleashed a hook of doom, would it knock the chimp out

that is something that im not sure of. i don't understand a chimps anatomy like that

but there skulls are thicker, and they have smaller brains

human faces aren't meant to be hit with force

chimpanzees fight eachother, and they pound eachother as well as grab/claw/bite

so they are kind of genetically engineered to take blows from other chimps

i think it would take a helluva lot to knock out a chimp

MMA fighter, because humans ought to be smart 'nuf to bring a gun to a chimp fight.

No human, idc how well trained they are would have the strength to lock in a submission on a chimp. Only hope would be to catch it with a punch, but they're chimps so they'll just evade you and rip your arm off and beat you with it.

Another factor not mentioned is the sheer aggression of the chimp when it goes into a combative state.

Even the best MMA fighter is still human, with human thoughts like doubt, anxiety, and stress. Peak MMA fighters may be able to suppress and avoid those thoughts/feelings better than anyone else but they're still there, in some form. As opposed to the chimp who is just going off pure instinct.

The chimp has no notion of fair. It's going to attack you and rip body parts off. With its face. We're domesticated animals. One moment of hesitation by the fighter is one more than the chimp will have.

Factor in strength and flexibility.

It's a wrap.

We are a pathetically weak species physically, our brains are the only thing keeping us on top of the food chain.

speak for your own species nigga

im out here doing stupid weight

Friend, rethink your thought.

You shall be our leader when the chimp wars begin.

We will need men like you.

MMA fighters aren't trained for life and death situations, yet their situational prowess gives them an advantage. In life and death, I'm sure there's lots of factors that enable us to perform. Adrenalin rushes aren't really useless. Regardless, I'd fucking destroy a chimp. Yes, they go off instinct, but a chimp, other than it's flexibility, doesn't have these cat-like reflexes. The only thing that I see is the pain factor, even if I fully fleded punched a chimp in the face head-on, chances are my fist would be cut to fucking oblivion. They have some crazy jaws/teeth. Same with any other animal really. Like even fighting a dog or something, punching it while it's in a combative position means you're gonna cut your hands up pretty bad. Not that I murk fucka dogs in my spare time, but it's common sense. Give me some hand wraps and I'll body a chimp for you. Hit him with some lightning straight rights, motherfucker will submit to my human body. Then I'd fuck it

im just getting hype as fuck thinking of all the species of animals i could mutilate with my bare hands if they challenged me

chimps aint one tho.

that would literally be my nightmare. that or a bear, unless the bear gets your neck. wolves would also be terrible

big cats are my dream tho. i want to be taken unaware by a tiger when i'm like 63

bite my skull clean off my spine in one swift motion. no fuckin around

a chimp literally understands THUMBS AND HANDS

IT EATS THEM SO YOU CANT GRAB IT

DWELL ON THAT.

THEY ALSO FAVOR GENITALIA

SO WHILE YOUR FINGERLESS AND HAVE A GAPING OOZING HOLE, THERE ARE ALIEN MAN HANDS GRABBING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WHILE A DEMON HEADED BEAST IS JUST TAKING YOUR FLESH OFF

im good on that death. fuck a chimp.

You better hope the chimp doesn't get to touch you tho, once he gets a grip of you even with just one hand, it's a wrap.

It'll just rip you apart.

http://www.slate.com/articles/health...himpanzee.html

Stupid question....my answer is obvious....captain obvious to thread

Wolf is probably something I wouldnt fuck with. Obviously bear >. In the north here, us yankees have seen Grizzlies legit move garbage CANS, like the BIG MOTHERFUCKING ONES, in one fell swoop. That's fucking POWER dude, I can do that if i FUCKING PLANTED MY FUCKING FEET AND GOT A HERNIA, MAYBE, but these dudes just play around with it. That's how strong a fuckign BEAR IS. FUCKA STRONG. Lions are also GIFUCKINGGANTIC. I saw a tiger once and it was like 10 FEET LONG EASILY, like it was insane how FUCKING BIG it was i was like I couldn't beat that shit? But tigers are BITCHES, they're not humbled. Not like wolves. Wolves and dogs, humbled ones, AINT STAND DOWN TO SHIT. Me and my REDNECK buddies used to use hounds to hunt fuckign MOUNTAIN LIONS and these 5 hounds cornered a MOUNTAIN LION and fucking didnt even flinch when that bitch fucking hissed and pounced at them, that lion was SCARED AS FUCK didnt do SHIT then we motherfucking body bagged the fuck outta that lion. Grizzlies are BITCH asses too. Dogs/wolves >any animal. They have no fear. Thats the only reason I wouldnt confront one. Put a fucking wolf against a chimp and that chimp would get fucking bodied, it would put up a good fight, but then start to wear down and get fucking annihilated. Also wolves have this ungodly stamina, along with hyena. Have heard stories that wolves that track down elk for like 15 miles nonstop running, like these motherfuckers JACKed at 35-40mph lightwork and they keep that pace for about 10 miles in fucking WAIST high snow. Nothings bringing down a fucking wolf, unless a lion grows some fucking balls and goes to war with it, other than that, nah. And fuck chimps, they got motherfucking bodied by silverbacks all day. now that's who ID FIGHT. They aint even that big, tbh. and honestly chimps have HUGE ass balls, you'd just kick them there and theyd be out, chimps dont really kick forward as their legs dont let them do it at the force we do, fucking id fucking soccer messi kick the FUCK OUT OF A chimps face then hit him wit the one two then bite down into his fucking nut sack and EAT IT i dont care if hes eating my leg ill fucking eat his balls like an animal, all while im hitting him with some ungodly hooks to the body. fucking MRUK that chimp, flail his FUCKING BODY AROUND TILL HIS FAMILY SEES IT THEN EAT HIS BALLS INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND FUCK HIS WIFE INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND HAVE LITTLE CHIMP BABIES AND FUCK THEM TOO. FUCK THIS THREAD

I will not let this go unnoticed.

Haven't had a new dirt person in a long while.

but nah seriously, all combative fighting, however instinctual, isn't as instinctual at it is progressive, strength doesn't mean MUCH. 1 on 1 without the use of teeth I think a savvy and strong human, no weapons, scientifically our gray matter is different, and muscle fibers are used differently. Our nervous system > a chimps. We also have far greater stamina. If you have sufficient defence, and you have greater stamina than your opponent, then it really just relies on who gets tired first. Secondly, since our nervous systems are that much more advanced, we also have a sysematic neural defence when it comes to obtaining damage. We heal/regenerate faster than chimps do aswell. They have greater bursts of strength in a small threshold, but don't possess as much quantitative direct muscle movement than we do. You don't see a systematic, strategic breakdown and chimp scruffles. They don't know how to duck and dodge nor how to evade. Their flexibility is really farce, as they just rely on strong bursts of strength. A chimp writing his name would have the worst muscle cramps because they arent trained to do this. They rely on larger, systematic breakdown in movement rather than smaller, developed and more strategic, in the way we do it. Honestly, I'm about to buy a chimp so I can fucking beat it the fuck up.

bro im sure he has the Affliction Starter Kit (Deluxe Edition) that comes with the technicolor bjj gi and ufc gloves signed by Dana White's fourth cousin

black belt 4th dan given to him Dale Gracie, the long lost Gracie who lives down the block

has had 5 professional fights. 0-4-1. all fights a draw due to lack of attendance

certified belt holder in the featherweight e-brag division

diode s sexy big muscles fight a chimp plz @Diode

you sound really convincing for someone who would get fucked up by a chimp my nigga

Blackcake, it is time.

Sherdog beckons.

Pick a /f#. All of them can be yours.

set it up with the chimp 16 due tomorrow

No because we all just know @TYSON will ignore me and go back to snapchatting 8 year olds :(

i dont think i could body a wolf for real

i can BODYBAG ANY DOG THO

probably. i dunno theres some big fucking vicious dogs

but the average dog is getting drowned in a bucket all day.

the difference is to fight a dog you have to get bit. you have to allow it, YOU have to engage it. shove your arm as far back in its molar type teeth. with there mouth occupied its body bag central. youll get a nasty puncture or two, and there will be cuts and bruising. but the dog can be broken.

a wolf will break your fucking arm tho. they break MOOSE FEMURS

ON THE RUN

a wolf would kill me. i don't know how to do it. with a dog you can break there entire throat in your hands. you can body slam them etc. i cant see handling a real deal big gray wolf tho

Wolves do not like to engage alone tho.

There will almost always be 6 other ones waiting to finish you while you're distracted.