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-   -   help me charge up my jerk-off crystal (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=60120)

anime_boners 03-19-2014 01:18 PM

help me charge up my jerk-off crystal
 
http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhan...9657216-42.jpg

I know I have my own thread for this stuff but this.. this is too strong not too have its own thread

Sick 03-19-2014 01:19 PM

Lmaooooooooooo0o0o

Frank Metts 03-19-2014 01:53 PM

Has to be a troll


Craigslist?

anime_boners 03-19-2014 01:54 PM

shrug

i got the screen shot off buzzfeed, but yeah it seems to have originated on cl

troll or no troll he is a god among ants

Frank Metts 03-19-2014 02:35 PM

Only real question is
Where does one aquire this crystal?

Do I have to leave the shire and battle the necromaner sauron to obtain the one crystal that will jerk us all

Batty 03-20-2014 09:05 AM

I always trust Reed's judgement. So it goes without saying that You did the right thing threading this.

anime_boners 03-20-2014 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frank Metts (Post 302313)
Only real question is
Where does one aquire this crystal?

Do I have to leave the shire and battle the necromaner sauron to obtain the one crystal that will jerk us all

I imagine if you defeat the CL ad poster in masturbatory combat, he must relinquish the crystal to you.*










*fun facts about this post

I spelled, "relinquish" right on my first try

spell check tells me, "masturbatory" is an actual word.

Frank Metts 03-20-2014 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anime_boners (Post 302909)
I imagine if you defeat the CL ad poster in masturbatory combat, he must relinquish the crystal to you.*










*fun facts about this post

I spelled, "relinquish" right on my first try

spell check tells me, "masturbatory" is an actual word.


What would this combat consist off? We talking speed demon... Distantce drop ... Overall consistently ... Dry of lubed for seperate events ... And who is the panel of judges... Howard stern ?

Is their a summer and winter event like the jack off Olympics?

anime_boners 03-20-2014 09:39 AM

Round 1 is Judged on overall load size and distance. Are you a fire hose or a squirt gun?

Round 2 is accuracy. Moving females face targets are set up from 2 feet back. How many accurate face shots can you make in 60 seconds?

Round 3 is speed. 2 nuts in. Testosterone levels lowered, and barely motivated, how fast can you finish?

Caveat: he is wearing the crystal and it is charged to full power.

Destroyer 03-20-2014 10:00 AM

guys, he's SEEN it glow.

Diode 03-20-2014 10:10 AM

@Sicc for details on vanquishing

Masaii 03-20-2014 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anime_boners (Post 302920)
Round 1 is Judged on overall load size and distance. Are you a fire hose or a squirt gun?

Round 2 is accuracy. Moving females face targets are set up from 2 feet back. How many accurate face shots can you make in 60 seconds?

Round 3 is speed. 2 nuts in. Testosterone levels lowered, and barely motivated, how fast can you finish?

Caveat: he is wearing the crystal and it is charged to full power.

Goooone.

/genre

Rawn MD 03-20-2014 10:15 AM

Reeds follow ups r even better than OP

lolz

Frank Metts 03-20-2014 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anime_boners (Post 302920)
Round 1 is Judged on overall load size and distance. Are you a fire hose or a squirt gun?

Round 2 is accuracy. Moving females face targets are set up from 2 feet back. How many accurate face shots can you make in 60 seconds?

Round 3 is speed. 2 nuts in. Testosterone levels lowered, and barely motivated, how fast can you finish?

Caveat: he is wearing the crystal and it is charged to full power.

Reed we need a tie breaker ...

How about nothing but a back stroke, with tooth picks holding up your eyelids staring at a picture of Phillip Seymour Hoffman in his boogie nights shorts while tea bagging a cup of hot tea ... No krumpets

veritas 03-20-2014 10:39 AM

Dude jacked Pamela Anderson's barb wire tat though.....seems legit.

Rawn MD 03-20-2014 10:39 AM

Frank is obv at the guys house atm...

Is i still glowing, or have u exhausted it's additive energy?

Batty 03-20-2014 11:26 AM

Dude's a noob if he ain't on that Fleshlight Russian Roulette.

Frank Metts 03-20-2014 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rawn MD (Post 302941)
Frank is obv at the guys house atm...

Is i still glowing, or have u exhausted it's additive energy?

Chrystal was fake ... It had a watch battery in it that lit up with movement ... This guy was bogus


Nice house though ...

Diode 03-20-2014 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frank Metts (Post 302965)
Chrystal was fake

Truer words were never spoken.

Rawn MD 03-20-2014 12:00 PM

Thas fucked...

on both counts.

anime_boners 03-20-2014 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frank Metts (Post 302965)
Chrystal was fake ... It had a watch battery in it that lit up with movement ... This guy was bogus


Nice house though ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diode (Post 302966)
Truer words were never spoken.

Well played gents.

Sicc 03-20-2014 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diode (Post 302932)
@Sicc for details on vanquishing

???

YDK 03-20-2014 12:36 PM

Thread of the year tbh
I've never heard the term bros used so casually during faggotry requests
wat happens if somebody shows up jerks it an shit doesn't glow? Do they get their nut back? Does dude try an play it off like "sorry bro I guess we should try again my confidence isn't peaked yet bro. Pull your dick back out bro let's see if my crystal sparkles."
srs I hope this is a troll or dgirl my get hurt

Batty 03-21-2014 02:10 PM

guys I am worried that this might be an actual real thing...




http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_NrFg_KC4Pj...95da764vn5.jpg



dead @ 25-70. This nigga is equal-opportunity as fuck

Diode 03-21-2014 02:13 PM

lemee get dat crab meat doe

Rawn MD 03-21-2014 02:18 PM

lol @kick te trainset, but don't break

and a pic of the trainset

anime_boners 03-21-2014 02:19 PM

GONE @ crab meat

Ghost1 03-21-2014 02:34 PM

Ayo

I had forgotten what a good thread looked like....

So.....the OP leaned me way over.....then batties post got me loling in the shitter at work....

Fuckin deaded@then we can kick the trains over an shit

Hahahaha.

Honorable lol to moving bitches facial targets post

Frank Metts 03-21-2014 04:39 PM

Why the second dude look like the first dudes father

anime_boners 03-21-2014 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frank Metts (Post 304117)
Why the second dude look like the first dudes father

LOOOOL

Ghost1 03-21-2014 05:40 PM

So far gone@frank

Neighbor 03-22-2014 08:47 AM

looooool

veritas 03-22-2014 09:09 AM

Dead at ya boi jacking pam andersons tattoo though.

veritas 03-22-2014 09:11 AM

Thanatos at the second dude throwing out the obligatory *no homo* clause.


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