| Objective |
02-04-2014 08:59 PM |
Sorry for not leading up to my expectations @ tag. I will not dissapoint:
The first time I heard about Flappy Birds I thought it was just a fad. A sore hype to further dumb down the fast food society I find myself trapped in. And I was right. Yet it got to me like a beautiful hooker trying to earn her next fix on my desperate needs, and I fell right into its trap with my head first. Not an ounce of care of what misfortunes it might lead to, nothing else seemed to be more right at this very moment. If only I had known what I got myself into.
I should have listened to my inner self whispering into my ear that I should let go. ''There's other games out there!'', it said, ''don't listen to Fig and the rest, they're all fools''. It kept repeating it like a mantra. Knowing this was true I still couldn't resist the urge to download the app to the smartphone I got for christmas. I couldn't disregard the fact that the sprites has a certain sex appeal either.
The moment I entered the Google Play store I sensed a certain unrest from within. My soul had already started to take its fair share of blows, and it hadn't even been installed yet. A distant feeling of joy captivated my body as the program was ready to run, but it wasn't going to last. I had finally managed to get a hold of a free copy of Flappy Birds.
Not a single video on youtube of people raging over the game and crushing their phones could prepare me for what I was about to experience. The nostalgic background with Super Mario mixed with Copter-gameplay and slight hints of Angry Birds decorated my screen. I didn't hesitate to push the button saying ''play'' as it flashed infront of me as my arrogant self was hooked on the thought; ''it can't be that hard... I've played through Super Meat Boy and almost got through the third level on Battletoads as a kid.'' The second my bird started moving around I knew I was made for this. I could do this.
''0''. I couldn't even get through the first pipes. The fucking ''0'' was mocking the shit out of me. ''I'M NOT A LOSER!!'', I scream as my fellow travelers on the train I find myself in look at me with a certain disgust. I could tell by their stares they did not believe my statement for a second. But this wasn't about them. It was about me, a bird, and pipes of different measures. And a forum with respected Flappy Birders that I want to look at me as their equal.
''4''. And that's after 10 tries. I could not believe the horrible controls and the birds obvious lack of knowing how to function properly. It was as if the air was filled with invisible miniature trampolines and the trollface.jpg was lurking at every corner of the screen. I wouldn't be surprised if it was him that developed the game itself to begin with. But I would not give in to pressure. I fooled myself to think that all it takes is getting used to it.
''6''. After ten minutes I can see slight hints of progression, yet it's almost 100 points away from where everyone elses high score is at. I could not believe that all my years of NES gaming and other hard games should lead up to the point where I didn't seem to have any knowledge of any game at all. Was the hours spent on Super Mario 1, Batman and Turtles for NES in vain?
No, I decided to not let it get to me. After 30 more minutes I managed to get my score to 14. But that's as far as it gets. I was back to where I started. Several attempts with results ending in anything between 0 and 7 was leading to my inevitable doom.
''I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT!'', I yelled from the top of my lungs. I could barely make out the words that a younger couple whispered, ''he's got to be playing Flappy Birds''. My anger and frustration wouldn't stop. It kept building like a tumors timelapse. As security was entering the train car I was in I managed to open the window and crawl out before they got to me. I lost my shoe on the way out as they tried to get a hold of me, but it was too late.
I yelled to the sky; ''14..? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!'' and crushed my phone as if that was the reason to my obvious fails at playing a game designed to torture people. 10 minutes later of spiraling into the abyss of insanity I could hear the sounds of a train closing in. I knew what had to do be done. My mind was destroyed and there was no going back after playing this game.
Even though my body was hurt from the fall I managed to get myself back on the train tracks. As the train started to howl at me to move it did nothing but qualify for the last sounds I'd ever hear as my entire body bursted at the impact of the train.
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