I don't see a way out...
 

I know it's cliche... Looking for help online. Most of you have been pretty rough to me over the years. But i just don't see a way out of this. I've tried medication again recently. But with me borrowing thousands of dollars from family to get into this apartment. Now I've lost it within 3 months. I know i did it to myself.

But i miss my son every day. I still have dreams where his mother and i are still together. Then i wake up and its just a system shock every day. I told myself that if i relaxed a couple weeks after getting fired in November that i could find work and still make rent. Then December goes by and i went through the holidays telling family i was still working and not to worry. Then i got served in January to evict and borrowed money from the Mormon church to make it till the end of the month. I only needed 500 before yesterday. I could have done that 2 months ago easy.

Then at the last minute yesterday i just let it happen.

I was living with my brother before this place. He's an asshole. I swear I'd rather die than be homeless or go back there.

But to talk to my other brothers about coming to stay with them after borrowing all this money to get in, that's almost as bad as living with an abusive drunk.

I'd just as soon rather not wake up. I probably have till Monday. I'm going to church tomorrow to let it all go. I'm going to finally tell the truth after months of hiding.

I know what you're all going to say. It's the easy way out. I'd be a terrible person to do that to my family and especially my son. It's some bitch shit. I know.

But I'm telling you man... Most of us kind of grew up together. You probably know a lot more about me than you should.

I can't continue like this. I've tried to "man up". I've tried to grab myself by my bootstraps and pull myself out of this 100 times. Every... Fucking... Time.... I fall on my face. And there's no one else to blame.

Medication couldn't fix me. Hospitalization couldn't fix me. Counselling couldn't fix me. Hell... Having a kid couldn't fix me. I couldn't fix myself. Falling in love couldn't fix me. I tried church again too. I've prayed. I've cried. I've smashed shit. I've written about it. Its always the same.

I always end up here.

I'm done.

I don’t really see the predicament.

Are you in pain? What kind, and what’s causing it?

If you just want to vent then feel free. I’ll ask questions until you’re blue in the face.

Sounds like you need a genuine support system.

your life is yours to take
But what a huge waste of existence, which is truly all we have to hold on to. No matter who you are.
And love. You could have all of your money problems gone and still be miserable and alone
But love keeps those bones warm, even when you’re old
You love your son
To me, that’s enough.

We tried telling you working a dead end job that a high school kid work wasn’t going to be enough. Like I can’t accept the fact people live like this. You control your life and destiny, make the change needed to better your life and future.

Try and surround yourself in a more positive environment rather then always being so fucking negative, dude.

Your bullshit is just a revolving cycle because YOU are the problem here, no one else, YOU! And if you don’t look in the mirror and accept that you’ll never move forward with life. You’ll just keep holding on to being a loser idiot which will eat away at you till you drop dead.

Bro... Did you read my post? I know it's me. Lol

That's the problem.

So you’re homeless. That don’t impress me much.

So you lost your kid, but have you got enough?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s relatively shite,

but that won’t keep you cold in the middle of the night.



Srsly tho. You’re alive. Are you allowed to see your child? Take solace in being able to be there for him/her. If that’s all you can cling to in your shitty life then it’s enough. Someday it will matter, probably. Find some pride in yourself in the simplest of ways and let that build.

you still smoking weed?

i mean i've already told you my way out. or how i got out of my dark hole. i think part of your problem is you have a support system in the family and the church. my family are broke piles of shit like me, only now my sister has made something of herself though but you get what im saying. all my friends were pieces of shit. there was no couches to crash on. it was either eat a bullet or embrace my misery which i did. got a job i hated making shit money. embraced how shitty it was because i knew 40 hours in hell made going back to an empty apartment in the hood seem like paradise. but embracing that job and learning that trade led me to be able to dig myself out.

it took years. years of unbearable misery. you gotta embrace that.

my main source of depression now is just a lack of purpose. you have a purpose.

but honestly when you do this time and time again and i post the same shit time and time again i'm not sure what you actually want from it. i can only tell you what worked for me.

so if you're still unwilling to do that, im being dead serious when i say clean yourself up, get as fly as possible, and find the ugliest fattest bitch you can on tinder or okcupid or whatever dating app or site you can, and treat her like a fucking goddess. let her build you up.

the same way there are incel lonely dudes who cant get women to touch them, there are women out there like that too who will support you.

but no matter what you choose to do, there is no relaxing anymore. you can't chill out.
oh its saturday? you don't have a job. go fucking rob somebody. beat a homeless man with a pipe and steal his change. do something. the more you dwell on doing nothing, the more nothing you will do.

This thread is so lime.

Nah... I haven't smoked in months.

Change your environment. Only advice I can give you. You need change. Be that change and eliminate what’s holding you back.

You thought having a kid would help things?

Are you even trying to get a job? Confused on the details here.

Legit checked the post date twice to make sure immo hadn't bumped another thread from 2013 lol

Get fucked finny lol

I don't want to seem like an asshole but you need to talk to people in real life, there isn't much any of us can do for you. I hope you find some happiness.

Finny don't do that my nigga.. my brother committed sucide in 08 and I stil have dreams aabout him every day

don't do it, I had dream that I thought I was so witty and good and make money off my music and then I grew up...


its not that bad and I bed you're in a better place than I am... i'll post my number and talk to you don't do any dumb shit

989-506-5139


thats my real phone number and talk to me if you want to

no ones called me yet.. nigga its no problem... will you be the next dope rapper that makes money.... just realize you'll be like me.. sell dope and work a regularl job.. its not that bad

nobody called me and I put my number out.... everyone love you finny

He’s already dead Ouch. It’s too late.

he's my boy and my brother killed himself... call my number I should delete that no one called me....


but I really do love finny.... he makes some good music... but lets get real to actually make a life livig off it... nah...

Lol

You have a son. It's not about you anymore. Life has its ups and downs for everyone but the key is to be GRATEFUL for what you do have. You're alive, you have your mind, your child and the ability to generate income.

Some people wish they had your problems. Imagine that. You've got to start by being grateful. Also realize EVERYONE has their shit.

You will be fine. You will work hard and you will overcome any setbacks.

sleep it off my dude, im not completely happy where i'm at either... and I have a daughter... just don't kill yaself man like I said my brother did it... and he was a better ball player than I was, had better looking girl than I had.. and then BOOM.. just don't do it

a lot more people care about you than you think

i've thought about suicide.. only a few people in this world actually would care, my daughter, my ex... my dad and my mom who I haven't seen in years.... and I feel sorry to say fuck all of them I don't even care...... but if you kill yourself its a bad thing, more people love you than you know

and if its a big deal about money, let me know I'll give you $500 just because I like you and have known you forever... i'll paypal you $500 right now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLuJSzs-3lE


and infinity I love you man, and if you need some money I got you... max of 500$... I know 500$ can't get you very far but if you for real need it i'll send it to you man

This guy ^ is having a psychological melt down over Finny.

Both on suicide watch.

Showing the nigga some consideration is having a psychological meltdown?

You dunce shut your hoe ass up.

Anyway...


This.

Gratitude. Be thankful for the little shit. There's regular shit we have that we take for granted...its hard to see sometimes, true enough...but it is there. Requires a shift in perspective & not a woe is me attitude. Focus more on appreciating what you do have rather than what you dont.

Also the dark times aint shit but an opportunity to learn. If you constantly take the view of being a victim you aint gonna learn shit. Its all lessons.

& On the note of suicide. Nigga...the one thing we all got coming to us is death. Slow the fuck down a second, dont be rushin. The struggle literally cant last forever. & In the meantime maybe there's some shit for you to learn, go through & grow through in this bitch.

Stop looking for shit outside to "fix" you nigga. & Look the fuck inwards and find out why you feel broken in the first place.

I appreciate the love y'all. I'm straight till Monday. That's when i figure out where the hammer gon fall.

pretty sure he’s on the verge of changing his environment

he got served an eviction notice and now has nowhere to sleep

That’s not the environment we are referring to, Lars
We’re talking about the mindset that he’s stuck in that keeps him going from employed to jobless, from sheltered to homeless. That’s the environment he’s stuck in. That of one who is always down on his luck. We’re not saying, “hey, walk from the rock to the tree, and you’ll be all better!” We’re saying, start with holding a job for 6 months, work on an apt then, maybe find a roommate first. We’re saying change the way you live and feel, not make a Brexit. I see where the confusion comes from. Just a heads up.

gUyS hEs LotErLoLy chaNgiNG hIS EnVirOnmeNT

That’s some top notch snark @cake

Fucks these nigga finny

When I’m feeling down I smoke real rocks,M

What’s good, bro?

Lol



Best wishes finnski

In case you need it, here's a toll free US hotline for people in distress: 1-800-273-8255

Not sure how serious you are but just in case: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is limited, eternity is endless. You will be missed by your family and especially your son that will grow up without a father, and may even start developing issues of his own. I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything, I know how it is to be where you're at right now but that's the reality of it. And I know you don't want to pass that on, and I know you want to be there for him if he should find himself in the same place when he's your age. If you can't live for yourself at the moment (cus this is temporary too), maybe you can find motivation to do it for him?

Housing, your relation with your son, debt to your brothers/family are all things that can be fixed. Also remember that it takes time to get out of the rut, about the same time it took for you to get to where you are now, sometimes shorter, or longer, life just sucks sometimes but the key here is that you'll get out of it.
It ain't all negative tho, it's not always going to be like this, and in a year or two (or shorter), when this has passed, your economy is back on track and the heartache regarding your sons mother has calmed down you will most likely look back on this with a completely different mindset. You just got to allow yourself time to get back on track. And stop being so hard on yourself bruh, you're only a human, humans makes mistakes and unforeseen shit happens like getting fired. The good thing is that all of these issues are things that can be dealt with and most people here on NC got your back on this shit if you need someone to talk to.

We fuck around a lot but when it comes down to it we got you. Plenty of people have offered to let you PM them, me included although I'm not around as much anymore. Just don't give up, keep fighting and you'll get there with the proper mindset and the right people to help you out.

A wise-man can learn from a fool.

Or you know...

Just hide behind a veil of sarcasm all the time.

That'll do it.

Nah homie, I don't know him close like that but I know he's been around on these forums as long if not longer than I have.

And I had a brother kill himself unlike this he never threatened or talked about it, it was just a shotgun to the head. 18 years old, just graduated high school, did it with a shotgun because you can't buy a handgun until ya 21. It was out of blue. It was over a girl, but if you kill yaself over a girl there is obviously something wrong with you, i've had my heart broke too and didn't shoot myself with a shotgun.

And so I take these things more seriously than many people without personal experience would. So eat a dick.

and Finny if you're still here and its a matter of you not making your rent or something, I will send you right now, i'm here.. a few hundred I know thats not a long term solution but, short term I will send it right now.