Dad tips
 

So, a few of you know I'm practically a step dad to a four year old lil white jawn.


Only lived with them for about 3 months, so my bag of tricks to inspire obedience is limited. Went camping this weekend, and figured out the "Dad voice," is most effective when I'm actually upset. She was throwing a fit and crying/howling in the tent, until I got to the end of my patience and asserted "(kid's name) you're NOT the only one in this tent! And all of us need sleep!" I said this as I was climbing out of the tent because I was so pissed about how ridiculous she was being. But, as soon as I said it...the crying stopped and it stayed quiet.

Tonight, I figured out the "Dad eye." Mom was talking to me and the kid comes in and interrupts with "mommy, mommy, mommy..."
So, my girl is like "when I'm talking to Phillipe it's rude to interrupt." The kid starts to retort "but I just need..." And mom is like "I. Am. Talking. To. Phillipe." Again the kid is like "but..." So I looked over at her with this semi intense "you're about to piss me off," look and I calmly but sternly said to the kid "it can wait." I let the stare linger for about another second, and her mouth closed. I look back at mom and she continues yammering on about sme shit I'm not interested in.


Anyway...the reason for this thread is to possibly get some more tips and tricks for dealing with toddlers.

Punishment with positive reinforcement.

care to elaborate?

This technique doesn't really have any punishment per say, and is geared towards a preteen - teenager. So maybe Im using the wrong terminology.. okay so.

*assumes the kids name is jake*

Jake! I asked you to clean your room over an hour ago! C'mon man, I don't want to have to tell you again. I know you know how to clean up, you can do it."

Or any variation of that.

You're showing assertion with the "don't make me have to tell you again" but also giving encouragement right afterwards with "I know you know how to clean up, you can do it."

Also, explain the reasoning behind you telling them "No!" Or "don't touch that/put that down!" When they ask "why" try not to say "because I said so"

Instead, explain the reasoning behind the correction. If it will hurt them/get them in trouble/harm others etc..

They are bound to defy you over again because the defiance comes from a place of ignorance.sharing knowledge of the world at a young age is key.

She's too young to reason with, honestly. She's too driven by her impulses and primitive "I want," part of the brain. As soon as she can answer a question without the reason "because I want it," I'll try reasoning with her.


Talked to her til I was blue in the face, and got nowhere. But, then she touched a hot stove and never did it again. I'm currently trying to figure out a way to teach her in a way that appeals to the "fire burn," part of her brain. But when she's older I'm definitely down to reason with her.


She's a difficult child. Sometimes she responds to talking, but it's short lived. There were a couple mornings she was being a shit and mom was trying to talk in her "grumpy voice," to get the kid to do what she was supposed to do to get ready for day care. Kid wasn't responding, so I just went in picked her up in my arms and was like "let's try to make this easy for mommy, ok?" She nodded, and we got her hair and teeth brushed while mom could cool off

I dunno why, but counting to 3 seemed to work well for my daughters at around that age. Its like, you say; "Go tidy up" "But I don't want to" "Go tidy up" "But its not all my mess" "I've asked you to tidy up" "But that's not fair" "Tidy up!" "But..."

And then you go, "1..." and then suddenly there's a realization on their face like "Ok, I know this, we've done this before! Somethings gonna happen at 3, and I don't know what it is but I do know that I probably won't like it. This is the end-game."

"2..." and then they're like, "Ok I'm running out of time here! Really running out of time here. Gotta make a decision quick because I daren't let it get to 3 - I don't know whats gonna happen, but I can't let it happen..."

And then when you begin to open your mouth to say 3 they just fly straight to do it, because they still haven't fully made up their mind at this point but they're too scared to see what is coming after 3 so they're forced into making their decision once it hits that last possible point, and they know they're out of time so they panic, and ultimately the fear of the certain but unknown action after 3 is the most powerful emotion at that final point.

The key is to allow enough time between each number for them to quickly formulate thoughts about what is about to go down, but not long enough for them to go back and forth between their options, to evaluate them fully, weight them up and remember that actually most punishments aren't really that bad.

You're welcome.

I appreciate it. Mom does a count down from 5 but does nothing at the end of it. So the kid doesn't respect when Mom does it...so, I haven't tried it yet. Maybe it'll be different if I do though. Thanks for the tip. Anyone else got some gems?

You playing step dad to a white kid for room & board? I hate this nigga.

LMFAO gone

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk

Sometimes you just gotta let them cry it out if its an unreasonable whine or tantrum. Definitely DEFINITELY do not bend and submit by rewarding these actions. THISBIS HOW YOU SPOIL A CHILD. Not good. It does make future times harder once they begin to mature, knowing that you will submit. A child will play on that. It sounds like your handling this the same way i would. So big ups for that bro.

Nope. Just in a relationship with her white mother. She comes with the packaged deal.

Kid is spoiled frfr. Mom doesn't reinforce her threats with action.



With all the Dad threads I thought I'd get more advice.

Its only so long fake dads can pretend

My wife is exactly the same. Now they're 6 and 9 they pay no attention to her. I am the voice of authority.

Ain't no dadsteppin?

Lol. You knowww

Dude, that has to come from mom

U don't want that "u're not my dad" response later on

Juss sayin

but i'm not her dad. when she's feeling sassy enough to say it, i'm gonna take her to the bathroom so we can look in the mirror, and i can sarcastically be like

"noooo way!!!! i'm not your dad!??!?!?!"


it's a fact, which i don't find offensive. but trust I'm not overstepping my boundaries.

Ok just saying broskie, that should be your woman's gig

Father advice can not be giving to someone who's trying to insert himself in to a the "father" role of a child who isn't biologically his, bro.

It's different.

Wtf? Nah fam. Not trying to be her father, just trying to get advice from fathers.

For the most part mom and the kid got their thing, but sometimes mom needs help. And if I'm gonna help I want to actually be helpful.

Do you help with the rent?

Yup

Phil you demon

Kid is scared in a tent

during the night in the middle of the woods in North Bumblefuck

with mom and strange scary black man when he just starts screaming at her sounding all types of evil.



she officially hates you

Lol, she told her Mom that I should be her Mom instead. Kid fucking loves me.

Wasn't trying to offend you. I was just saying...

A FATHER giving tips to ANOTHER FATHER is reasonable, from my perspective. And that's just stupid, as well because everyone has their own style as well as personality. I could probably get away with doing certain shit you wouldn't be able too as far as disciplining and such - why? Because we both have different personalities and approaches and I"m my childrens biological father. It's hard giving advice or "tips" - as you call it to someone whom is TRYING to insert himself in that "Father Role". You say you aren't? If that's accurate, why have I heard you make the "Step dad" comment? And don't take this the wrong way, just trying to understand your motive so I can try and give the best advice too help. Not that I would know ANYTHING about raising a girl, considering I have 3 boys so my advice would just basically be as I typed up on the youtube page. The generic bond/friendship route.

Aero ur cousin paying u rent yet or is he still wipe his deck w ur decorative couch pillows while u jerk off to star trek in ur room in a sheet of tears?

Step dad isn't dad though...

Step dad isn't dad though...

Two totally different animals

Depends on the person really. I know some "Step dads" who try and fill that "Fathers" shoe.

Just take it one day at a time. Listen and observe. Positive reinforcement is always good, especially with a 4 year old.

Thanks man.

Now onward to the fuuuuuuutuuuuuuuure

Hold up NIGGA. It's a girl? So what if you baby sit her by yourself? My dude you look like the bear in The Cleveland Show. How would you look in the mall of South Dakota holding a little white girl's hand while she licking ice cream? Try to get her to call you step dad now fam so it doesn't raise eyebrows in public.

Yes, she's a girl. I have babysat her by myself before. I guess i can look like an animated bear to some people. We're not in South Dakota. I wouldn't give her ice cream. She calls me Phillipe, and I'm ok with it.

Bullshit, I was raised by a 'step father' who more than fulfilled the role of father in my life.

Like I said, "I DEPENDS" fucker.

There's so many interracial baby momma/daddy's bro.

It's 2017, get with the times son.

He'd look more normal these days holding the hand of a little white girl then your Asian ass holding the hand of a little white girl.

Get over yourself.

Godam it amen.

@Chill Phil

Just be you man. The same kind person you would be to a fully grown person.
Show her your not afraid to engage here and she herself will give you the opportunities to act like a a father figure to her.

I'm my honest opinion your doing fine. The kids talks to you acknowledges you. Your in. Now just build that relationship up as much as you can.

The only you got going against you is that as a "stepdad" you have always work, never give up trying to be her father. That's the end goal right? So that she's you asa father?

Your doing fine Phil. Take her to the zoo, have one on one convos with her. Those are important. My kids always surprise me with the little things they remember.

Why can't we be cool? We could tag team diss people with our snazzy remarks. You're so busy going against me not realizing how powerful we could be supporting one another's disses.