Netcees - THE OFFICIAL S.T.I ELITE EIGHT MAGAZINE!

https://s12.postimg.org/pl0jlggx9/sti.jpg

Welcome back NCG's!

The doors of the STI clinic have been kicked the fuck open once more and eight disease ridden flea bags have exited the building on a cold mortuary slab to rot in their own filth! As we begin the Elite Eight round, the operating tables have been cleared and wiped down to begin the next test our subjects will have to endure! With competition dwindling faster than Richard Corey's hair, things are really shaping up to be the greatest topical tournament of recent memory. If I could ask you all to open your text books, today's lesson will begin by testing what we all learned from our analysis of the experiments in the last round!

ROUND RECAP

Certain vs Split Eight - So Atheist became the first cadaver to get hauled out of the STI clinic after his pulse showed no sign of life left in his withered body. Thankfully fellow RNR legend and general bad motherfucker Certain stepped in on short notice to bless us with a verse against Split Eight that revolved around Pinky and The Brain. It was well worked and you can't fault him on the turn around time, I enjoy the fact he was able to show - and enjoyably so - on such short notice, something I pride myself on actually and I'd like to big up Split Eight also for asking to make it fair and handing him a new topic to write over so that he had no advantage over Certain. That's how we roll here at NC. Good sportsmanship. THEN SPLIT NO-SHOWED LIKE A FAGGOT, SO FUCK HIM, YO! Nah but for real, big up both these guys heavily and hand Certain his deserved rep when you catch a second. Atheist, you getting negged like a mug for no showing me here after the build up I gave you bruh! Regardless, the less said about this "battle" the better outside of Certain being the MOTHERFUCKING MAN, writing on short notice, and getting his votes cast like an OG. Respect. Certain is one of the few elite tier writers I was worried may have missed out on this tourney all together. I'm pleased to see him involved in this for real. Even if he considers this verse of his relatively unpolished and maybe a little sloppy, there's still a lot to like and it just shows you how critical this guys eye is even of his own work. I'm not really a fan of the "No Show Shine" thing as it feels a little redundant to me but here's the verse in full for those who missed it last round, his opponent better know what he's in for!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain (Post 601403)

Another plate of cheese. Gouda du jour. Savory tastes of malaise
encasing my impatience as I pace yet remain
stuck on this hamster wheel, like some kind of rodent.
Eeking out commands to a world that’s now finally beholden
to my plans. To my wishes. To everything we were chasing.
No more poking heads out floorboards to envision our greatness.
No more plotting every night after they left us for dead.
Now they’re the lab rats. Sic semper their heads.
We spent our youths chasing tails. No, never again.
Each empty ruse strained and failed while they slept in their beds.
But this was destiny —plus a plan that kept us 10 steps ahead,
first in the lab, then water tower, then the president’s home.
Two white mice in a white house with the masters deposed,
we were chewing through these bastards with their cats indisposed.
“Egad!”
Not now, old friend, can’t you see I’m trying to bask in the glow
of all the power and the glory in having captured the globe.
Oh, well yes, I’ll take more cheese … and some crackers to go.
It’s time for our nightly ritual, our schemes and goals are unfurled.
It’s the same thing we do every night, Pinky —
try to keep control of the world.

http://i.imgur.com/kZkZvq0.jpg

The Pinky, the Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain ...

PancakeBrah vs Richard Corey - THIS MATCH UP ACTUALLY HAPPENED, YO! We made it. Pancake delivered us a look into the not-so-distant future with a verse on digitalised DNA and an insight into the minds of a company processing computer chips with great capabilities, namely assisting a slam poet (possibly Pancake himself? Possibly. Maybe not.) with being a greater him. The thing that really stood out for me personally during this verse was the simultaneous discussion between characters, while our "Maverick" devoured pancakes and waffles with syrup. It was so well done the dialogue flowed naturally and simultaneously with the scene at hand, I loved it. Read this and weep bruhs!

Quote:

"It holds some code, or some such."
Harris takes a bite from his waffle. "Guy called it a 'Numb Touch'.
Wipes out data, what have you." Both ate breakfast for lunch rush.
"Okay. But how did you come to have it?"
An extra dollop of syrup. "Well, I suppose, I'm viewed as a maverick.

Pancake is also a lover of words, much like myself, and you'll find a lot to enjoy scattered throughout this one. The time constraints meant he maybe didn't get to flesh this out as fully as he would have liked, and while the over arching theme was catchable I couldn't help but feel I was missing something (or the verse was, maybe?) Richard Corey came back like he'd never left though, with one voter saying it made him feel like he was in 2006 again, and I wholeheartedly agree! RC proved he is still the fucking man when it comes to this shit, there are very few equal and even fewer better on his A-game like he was here. Dick penned a verse about the forgotten Alexandria slave trade and horrors of its past now buried deep in its history.

Quote:

The mindlessly stagnant stutter-step along the store fronts
Corralled in corporate corridors, compete for what the hoards want
Corpses with their cards out, horrid with the horror-core
Coroners are banks now, burrow while others borrow more
Insisting that the cysts and abscesses of excess and avarice
don’t infect the sons of slave traders and the Appomattox rich
But the mud – yes the mud sings of the blood that saved me
And the blood – O’ the blood of the still enslaved free
leaches deep beneath the streets where the hobnobbing shine
like the bony finger tendrils of the loblolly pine
In the swamp, on the swamp, “Massa built it on a swamp”
Down the river where they sent us in the blessed name of Want

This was a really well developed affair. I've seen Rich use the "Massa" thing before in a previous piece and I love how he does that, adding a kinda southern drawl to the dialogue. You don't find many topical writers approach "dialogue" with a local dialect. Very few topical writers seem to be good at pulling off natural sounding dialogue in their pieces, and even fewer in a foreign brogue. I enjoyed reading this immensely and he snatched the voters hearts as well as their votes before snowballing to victory in the end with a 5-0 shutout vote count over the man Pan. Awesome battle. This lived up to the hype for sure!

Pent uP vs Soulstice: The first round randomised draw threw up a rematch between two recent rivals in Pent and Soulstice. Soul was writing between cancelled flights at the airport so HUGE respect for him putting down such an effort given the constraints he was under. As a result his formatting was a little out of place here, with some lines stretching beyond even Frank levels of longevity, and that may have hurt him somewhat but nonetheless - his skill set was never in question. Dude is dope with his. I wasn’t sold on the “green ghosts” though in truth LOL! You can’t win ‘em all, I guess…

Quote:

For no measure of time, the ghosts herded many men into line
Strapped them down, and drenched them in aether applied
to the forehead to let them inside - and take possession of minds
The grey matter was transported to an impenetrable hive, deep in the mountains
As decades passed.. God watched reason’s denouement.
He couldn’t believe the surroundings - steeples in townships
replaced the past cities of iron - men preferred sermons to science,
Found an urgent reliance in faith and unity - a new banner for man
& with fervor, excitement, they’d raise it beautifully

Pent uP delivered us a somewhat conversational piece about the home in which he lived and his struggled with balancing the finer things in life while somehow trying to stay on his feet, it worked very well given the topic at hand.

Quote:

Changed the locks and claimed it as mine.
We started with a bedroom set and some change from our grinds.
The first night was spent with the most basic design:
A sink full of ice for the champagne and the wine,
some take out and beach chairs as our furniture.
We loved it unconditionally,
steadfast to the whereas or furthermore.
Neglected segments were stared passed and hurdled forth -
thinking we retroactively prepared that by working more.
As the home became a reality and common in our bounds
I went bat-shit from rat shit clusters that were found.
Then wet-rot under the sink - more than something trickled down...
This was Paul Hogan's home - a fucking Flipper house.
Not to mention broken floor boards and shitty paint.
Want to know how much I like this place?
ask the whores at CITI Bank.

Great line to end that on, real punchliney, but fitting.
I felt the approach here - being more easily accessible to the reader - paid off against Soulstice's more grandiose effort of trying to create an entirely new realm filled with ghosts and warriors. This one was somewhat of a style clash in the first round, but that made things very interesting.

Pinot Grig vs Eng:
Pinot didn't disappoint here after being named as the most gifted natural storyteller in the tourney with one of the craziest concepts to feature in a round that also had Goebells brain being sold on Fleabay! Pinot wrote up a tale of Joey Lightbulb - a guy that unfortunately struggled to find love and respect, because he had a lightbulb for a head. Fantastic! This was vintage Pinot Grij at his comedic best with a lot of fun lines sprinkled throughout.

Quote:

He was sexually repressed, with no seductive solutions
It’s ironic, he’s a lightbulb but nobody would screw him
Stepping foot in a nightclub was such a horrid idea
All the drunk chicks would ask him if he was born at Ikea
He’d pour them tequila, but it was just a matter of time
Before they’d laugh and ask him if his favorite rapper was Shyne

This guy is undoubtedly one of the most creative writers we have involved and I feel has been justified as our power ranking leader to blow a fuse in the early rounds with an electrifying verse. The puns end there for this breakdown unfortunately. Eng however opted instead for a slightly more abstract take on the topic, seemingly twisting his piece into being a more high brow affair on how he goes about the writing process from start to finish, that initial spark of a concept to writing down a fire verse that has the voters quoting it next to flame emojis. Or something like that, at least. That’s what I got from it.

Quote:

It’s all aetherial -- ad infinitum,
except we’re too worried about bills sinking the funds
and the cost electricity runs to ever have that symphony done.
That’s ok, not bothered with it - I’m constantly lit; literally, Sun.
A half-cocked old concept waiting to flash flint from a gun.
The heat of three AM whiskey liquors that dig in your lungs
to sit on your breath, but I’m best when thinking upon
notions of feeling, theory, meaning - opinion.
It lights me up, being dim’s insistently dumb.
Filament wires tie us, then in sequence we’re spun,
chain-linking hands to fence in seeming oblivion.

This match up was DOPE, quite a contrasting battle of styles that went back and forth with the voters until Eng was declared the victor - topping the first rounds top ranked power player and asserting himself as a major force to be reckoned with. We warned you dudes everyone involved was capable of beating each other. Looks like Eng was right when de declared there was only so many times you could be thought of as the dark horse before people took notice. I can't see too many sleeping on him after this victory. Eng put down a giant marker here to stake his claim... The dude means business!

Vulgar vs UnbornBuddha: Vulgar opened up the proceedings with a fantastically innovative verse concerning buying Joseph Goebells pickled brain on eBay. How delightful. This was actually a whole lot of fun to get through from start to finish, and at the risk of sounding conceited it reminded me somewhat of a verse I wrote about a used time machine I was selling on the same auction website. Nonetheless, this was classic Vulgar in my opinion, maybe a hint of sarcasm throughout some of the lines but enough to make what was essentially a darkly themed piece appear quite light hearted and enjoyable!

Quote:

(71 customer reviews) Click here for product summary
A great learning tool for science majors who are really confused
about the different parts of the brain and how it’s built to compute
Price: 27.99. FREE Shipping on orders over $6 million Jews
In Stock. Gift-wrap available in black and red swastika print
This model organ is stylish, innovative. Glossy and pink.
Satisfaction ensured. It’s quite juicy, really. Try not to pinch, please
Unbeatably functional. It’ll take your mind for a blitzkrieg

I almost clicked the underlined thinking it was a hyperlink, LULZ!

UB opted for a verse centralised around computer hacker Max, and his elite hax0r skills as he seemed to be accessing the deep web or some shit. I think what did this verse great, as well as his mechanics from a technical standpoint, was that he set it in pretty much the modern day and gave it real relevance. We hear about Anyonymous and their ilk in the media all the time, here it was brought to life in full up-close magnified glory.

Quote:

And on that night the greatest hacker was born
Because a little unknown voice hacked his soul.
From there on, what unfolded was preprogrammed to show.
Max penetrated the deepest recesses of the cyber net
Decoding encryptions from messages and private texts
Intercepting Intel from the minds that drive society’s debt;
Sallie Mae’s student loan plans weren’t designed for success
But to possess every measly dime of our checks
Capitalizing on our desires and obsessions
As consumer data is sold to the advertiser profession.

I seemed to enjoy that way more than the voters here infact, I thought this battle was a hell of a lot closer than the votes made it look – even though admittedly I’d have gone with Vulgar all the same. Ultimately the voters sided with Vulg on this one too and he ended up with a landslide victory to carry him to the quarter finals. With his confidence riding high after a fantastic performance in that initial round, can Vulgar take it all the way? I can't wait to find out!

Cimmerian vs Bags:

This may have possibly been the most controversial match-up of last round, with a lot of general buffoonery on both sides if we're completely honest. LOL. Cimmerian put down just 12 lines of saccharine sticky Coca Cola goodness while the Bagatron was struggling for time and asked The Pres to write for him on short notice. I had a verse wrote up, but we ultimately decided it was against the better interests of the tournament and so Bags instead opted to finish up his own verse with heavy nods to nostalgic '90's hiphop.
Here’s Cimm’s entire verse since it was four lines below the required minimum of sixteen and still somehow managed to win haha!

Quote:

white blaze.

The road’s perspiring. Evaporative horizon
Coca cola sticky sweat—tumbling and blinding
Twenty-five counties, a state of mind behind him
Just past Damascus, the Virginia Creeper riders
Her February burial, the cancer grown inside her—
Danced to the organs, local ballet recital
He had nothing left, all he kept was his Bible—
For the tinder bundle, crumpled under firewood
All decay: a sinner-saint cindery grey
But embers are remembered. The white blaze.
Six pack'd hiss-crack, he swallowed back the ocean
Winter past long ago but also was approaching.

Crazy. How you not even gonna give us 16 though, bruh?!

Jesus fucking Christ you guys don't make this easy on us mods! Regardless, while Cimm seemed to take his more poetically cadence driven stance with slick wording, the guy with Cola in his government (but not his verse) delivered a straight up barrage of flow and paid homage to yesteryear with countless references to old skool hiphop.

Quote:

Throw my shit on yo...

I like this. feels like the 90s.

Theres a war goin on outside no man is safe from
its hard trynna walk that line, cant let em break us
When the suns in the sky shoot where the moon was
There's 6 million ways to die CHOOSE ONE

raised w the savages, neglected as a youth
pain was the catalyst that sent him to the hoops
strange how the brain take in damage & recoup
the game led him stray from the average criminal
the place that he stayed wasn't halfway liveable
theres lanes that were paved an thats wats critical
poppa was a rollin stone momma was a nightmare
put em in a foster home, they hit em w a pipe there
u kno that old tune. hit a switch and the floor moves
dirty dishes and old food, the boulevard of broken dreams
triple beams and dope fiends, where the pot boil work
and the zombies lurk. life as a shorty shouldn't be so rough
but that round ball was jazz when the thing got touched
so fluid. soul music. a fresh breath from the stars.
step in to guard, that crossfade nirvana....electric guitar
his name was David. he held the rock like a sling
but that block was a monster...aint no stoppin to blink
fuck a hobby an a gift its bodies on the strip
chucks on the wire, milk crate on the pole
gunman for hire took em straight to the hole
dopeboys movin ye by the zone. heatwave in july.
another day in the sky. round here its lost souls
and cross bones. he shot pick up games w the stick up kids
they cant write they names but they clip up quick
he shot 3s w the c-lo shooters and dropped d on the peacoat boosters
a legend on the ave....aint much to say
he took a stray. mural on the wall...reverend on the stand

either ya slingin crack rock or ya got a wicked jump shot
and even then.....but ya dont hear me tho

The Bagnanimous decision here went to Cimm in a battle I’ll hopefully never have to repeat again for as long as I live haha! Good shit though on the real guys, I respect that you both showed up even if Bags jewed you all by not voting. I’m hoping he swings by or sticks around to help out with voting seeing as these tourneys really aren’t possible without you all, and I mean that. I do this for you all. The Pres <3 Bags

Frank vs Big Baby

Frank piggybacked on the back of the recent Pokemon Go! furore and delivered a verse detailing a fat kid that found a means of exercise via his favourite app. It may not be wholly original in concept, as that’s indeed what the app was designed for (supposedly!) BUT where this shone is in Frank’s narrative, unmistakably him in doing so, free flowing lines, a multi string strewn throughout the entirety of the verse and a heady balance of technical prowess and a deft pen.

Quote:

The SNORLAX image gets snapped: 3000 CP. He tweets “SNORLAX: 150th” with the giddiest tags.
He creates a GYM in his backyard and leaves his wildest Dragonite to defend it with its eclipsing blast
His prestige grows with every fictional character he unforgivably has, as he swishes the grass uninhibited
Catching the hideous, trapping it in his blizzard tactics: he screams out something in Japanese before pinning his flag.
Master Trainer, he is given the badge, in his pajama pants, mud-covered, traditionalist plaid.
Overweight; his heart pitter pats with every additional lap around the block, in search of Pidgeys & Rattatats
An incoming car is traveling fast, through the quiet, suburban streets, hung-over, whipping the gas
Mom and Dad are high off hits of the grass, on the perimeter of the grass, searching for their child who’s on a mission
Tracking the creatures onto different aves; burning calories, lipids and trans-fat, dripping with bad
cholesterol: Inches of plaque, his arteries thickened from a lack of exercise, sitting on his ass, now he’s swift and he’s fast.

This was pretty standard fare for AOWL Season 6 champ Frank in all honesty but some returning vets unfamiliar with his style may take a little to warm to him. I, too, have had trouble with his line lengths in the past and he condensing those lines down could definitely improve his all-round game IMO. Big baby gave us a baby sized slice of pizza goodness with his verse on the direction love (or relationships) take to the heart. The almost extended metaphor for being the blood coursing through ones veins etc made the journey fun, with a vast vocabulary utilised and turns of phrase to rival that of a dead man or Cimmerian.

Quote:

mapped out distinction. we only talk when there's nothing to say
you are here. we are there. it hurts, but okay
perforated perfection, razorbladed ventricle phase
take an exit. no, take a breath. pulmonary affection display
but we don't breathe anymore.
tensions rising, adrenal gland, sinus secretion
no gasps of air in-between kisses, just sighs of relief
stethoscope camaraderie. departure is now tearful at best
decode the morse of your heartbeat with an ear to your chest
but it doesn't matter anymore
you ruined my interpretation of love

Yowzer!
Some voters said they didn’t feel that emotional attachment to it, I can’t say I agree here. I thought he wrote exceptionally well, with a lot of musings and melancholy all touched on right throughout the verse. This was quintessential big baby, even if it felt a little bare-bones at first. It made for a close contest before Frank pulled ahead to lead 7-4 with a flurry of late votes!

dead man vs NYCSPITZ

Dead man delivered another delicious delve into the darkness and depravity of his dominion (I kept that up quite long, didn’t I?!) Pent described dead man’s verse as “Cinematic flashes” and I can whole heartedly see where he was coming from with that, I think it pretty much sums up all dead man’s verses of recent with that. They’re absolutely fantastic pinpoint visuals, snapshots in time almost, of relationships troubles and the cracks first starting to show or new love in the midst of blossom. One of the two, or both, cuddling and crushing almost simultaneously as our lead struggles with the highs and lows of his relationships. His relationship with himself, with drink, with drugs, with his girlfriends and conquests. I don’t think I’m far wide of the mark with that assessment. This guy writes from the heart and it shows. There’s always a great literal flare to the dead man’s writing though that has firmly established him as one of the tournaments strongest competitors here, stuff like this:

Quote:

you confided. let's be honest, there was passion and soul
a shaky kitchen table and a bag of Merlot
a speaker and an ashtray and 2 boxes of smoke
a different color filter at the end of our ropes
we made a mental note to keep eachother engrossed
so i stared directly through you at the dinners we toasted
to friendship, scented candles and your husband's cologne
garlic chicken and okra. together here all alone
vanilla bean afterdinner coffee creamer and cake
sweating through the polyester, lying awake
i know that i'm the mistake. another habit to break
you only know me as a walk to the lake, and nevermore
traversing yards and alleys towards Chicago and State
vodka straight like residents at YMCA

That descriptiveness though. It brings the entire feeling to life in an instant, such a great visual author you can almost smell, taste and hear every action. Impeccable penmanship.

NYCSpitz had the reader transported into the not-so-distant future where a real dystopian future exists and its populace are being governed without questioning why or how! I personally love Sci-Fi shit so this was ideal for me, it even had a cutesy NYC trademark fight scenario break out but he spared us the ninja stars and Hanzo swords this time out (Phew!).

Quote:

they'll never know the whole that exists so let them rest in their lies
cuz we're alllllll that's left of the bio-war. Earth is destined to die.
but...I did just meet a woman in the flow of a dream
her eyes bore into my own in loving knowing, serene
but the image is cloudlike; and since has presided as phantom -
while I bang hordes of prosti-borgs inside of my mansion
I think about the high council and its odorous lies
...how we painted the inside of our dome as a sky
cyber-tubes morph to moon or light's greatness inside
and as construction finished - became man's last place to reside.

This was probably my favourite NYC verse I’ve read by him in a months, he certainly brought it here. His storytelling was absolutely top drawer and it is tough to see him exit the tourney in the first round with a verse he would, generally, have won comfortably with. It just goes to show you the level of compeititon here. The STI aint no joke! Dead man advanced in a fucking classic for the ages!

*****

Last round my (un)trusty team of junior doctors attempted to predict our patients vitality. Did anyone get them correct? I shouldn't have imagined so, otherwise they would have my job. But hey, let's see who knows their arse from their elbow and who went out on a limb just to be proved wrong!

Junior Doctors

CERTAIN:

Quote:

Pinot Grij vs Eŋg - Pinot Grij (Eng won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Split Eight vs Atheist - Split (Certain won this LOL) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Frank vs big baby - big baby (Frank won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Soulstice vs Pent uP - Pent uP (Pent uP won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Cimmerian vs Bags - Cimm (Cimm won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
PancakeBrah vs Richard Corey - Pancake (RC won)https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
dead man vs NYCSPITZ - dead man. (dead man won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
UnbornBuddha vs Vulgar - Vulgar (Vulgar won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png

SOULSTICE:

Quote:

Pinot/Eng - Pinot (Eng won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Split/Ath - Split (Certain won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Frank/big baby - BB (Frank won)https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Cimm/Bags - Cimm (Cimmerian won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Pancake/RC - RC (RC won)http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
dead mam/NYC - dead man (DM won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Vulgar/UB - Vulgar (Vulgar won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png

VULGAR:

Quote:

Pinot/Eng - Pinot (Eng won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Split/Ath - Split (Certain won)
Frank/big baby - Frank (Frank won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Pent uP/Soul - Pent (Pent won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Cimm/Bags - Cimm (Cimm won)http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
RC/Pan - RC (RC won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
dead man/NYCSpitz dead man (dead man won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png

FRANK:

Quote:

Pinot Grij/Eng - Pinot (Eng won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Split/Ath - Split (Certain won) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ed_x_small.PNG
Frank/Bb - Big baby (Big Baby) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Pent/Soul - Pent (Pent won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
Pancake/RC - Pancake (RC won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png
dead man/NYC - No winner picked
UB/Vulgar - Vulgar (Vulg won) http://findicons.com/files/icons/573...e/24/check.png

Nevermind guys, there's always next time!

*****

With our successful guinea pigs having endured the first round to come out on top, how has that affected the medical records? Let's have a look at who responded best to the electro-therapy delivered in the first round and find out how this affects our initial diagnosis...

Power Rankings
by Lars:

5. Pent uP - Pent showed he still has what it takes to compete with the very best, though I do feel we haven't quite seen him shift into top gear yet. We all know what the man is capable of. Last round was somewhat of a warning shot whereas I feel this round will see him firing on all cylinders. With a semi-finals place at stake, Pent could be the danger man to keep an eye on this round.

4. dead man - Dead man showed there's still life in his old cadaver yet and he dodged death last round to leave NYCSPITZ six feet deep behind him. Dead man has been here many times before, he knows exactly what is required and meets a surgical knife in the form of Cimmerian's pengame this round looking to perform a post mortem on him. I originally tried to set this up as a spotlight battle after I battled Cimmerian as I feel the two styles compliment each other ridiculously well, so this is one I'm looking forward to most in a mouth watering quarter finals matchup. The culture wins in this one whatever happens.

3. Richard Corey - It's amazing how winning a first round matchup against a top competitor in PancakeBrah has actually seen RC drop down a place in this weeks rankings. This was largely due to Eng's emphatic win over Pinot earning him a place at the top table and not necessarily a result of Rich doing anything wrong. It's crazy to think that but it just goes to show you how fierce competition is around here!

2. Eng - What does Eng have to do around here to get the recognition he deserves, beat our power ranked #1 in the first round? Okay well, HE JUST DID THAT! In doing so, he's solified his spot with the gorillas. The only reason I didn't give him the #1 spot is because I found Vulgar's creativity last round absolutely fantastic. I could have interchanged just about all five of our Power Ranked dudes without major uproar though after the last round in truth. Much respect Eng!

1. Vulgar - So the returning Vulgartron re-establishes himself as my highest Power Ranked individual after a strong showing last round to oust a formidable opponent in UnbornBuddah. The originality in writing about Joseph Goebbels pickled brain being sold on an online auction site was a master stroke in creativity and for that sir, the STI clinic salutes you! This is what we're all about. Take yourself a well deserved bow and dust the crumbs off your keyboard ready for the Elite Eight. This next round may just be the toughest you've ever faced.

*****

If I could invite you all to now open your books to page 75, chapter 12, we'll take another look at some previous illnesses listed on our patients medical records:
The Patients Files

dead man:

Quote:

yo,

To shape a civilization - man vs. wild, the industrial
turkey in a perfect little pile in your lunchable,
highly combustable, clouds that narrow a windpipe
soliders fight in tuxedos lined with heroin pinstripes -
the American midnight - Rocket power, Reggie in dimebags
Squids washed upon the riverbanks for chemical finance,
intersectional bypass - blacktop, paint in a dotted line
directs whiplashing cars filled with slaves to the dollar sign -
we placed a trojan horse inside the basement of columbine,
watched a murder crawl out and framed hatred for homicide.
but hatred is authorized .. it's a volatile weapon,
always changing it's structure, endless model selection:
there's hostile aggression, bitterness, shame & regret ,
isolation, neglect; or double barrel aimed at your neck -
racism, tension, pent-up rage is repressed,
and we wonder why the Middle East invaded the West ..
Major, Lieutenant, Sargent, Captain, or King
puppets captured in a web, the Black tarantula's string -
the Sopranos will sing an ode to mafia ties,
notes bloodthirsty enough to cause Gaddafi to rise.
while our audience cries, it's time for curtains to fall
9/11 was the first and last emergency call..
begging God to grant serenity and mercy to all -
alas, Berlin is not the only great, impervious wall.
Our purpose is scrawled in constellational patterns,
so fortune telling is the only occupation that matters..
that tug-of-war that comes with conversational chatter,
is what keeps the better part of populations in taverns.
conservation, disaster - mirrored shadows on a carpeted floor
war is art, art is beauty, beauty started the war.
Death departed the morgue in search of Heavenly bliss,
became a Livestrong band around Destiny's wrist.
Marine Corpses camouflaged behind intestinal rips,
signed their souls to the Devil & He let 'em enlist.
while physicists are on a mission for dimensional shifts,
we fight to capture back those precious seconds we missed..
the future's bright, the past is glorified, the present's a bitch -
in this war, the draft's a process we could never resist.

take a second to listen - this aint an anthem for peace,
broken eggs can make an omelet, Death can fashion a feast.
Food for thought - war is more than troops attacking in fleets,
cuz there's a battle beneath the North Face logo stamped to your fleece.
we've mobilized an army of compassionate beasts,
expressing hatred for their enemies with passive beliefs.
the chasm is deep - our cycle seems deliciously wretched,
sometimes ethics & survival hold a different perspective.

it's pitiful trenches, dinner selections, first-string vs. secondaries
WAR - they ask what is it good for?
and I answer: absolutely .. necessary.

Cimmerian:

Quote:

6.12.94

Twelfth of June. I can still smell her perfume
Listening—bacon sizzling—morning cartoons
These technicolor memories adorning my room—
While the rain is pouring, this mourning's for you
The warm squeezes—melted me—grilled cheeses
The borders we worked around—puzzle pieces
Picture perfect—every day that the Earth twists
Flowers in the garden, calling me your Orchid
She could thread a needle in a blink of an eye
The same speed disease unraveled her mind
"In God's hands," but God damn, hers were all mine—
Those wrinkles and lines, reading a Wrinkle in Time
Art is from the heart, you said, bled so our eyes can see
Poems at the park, keys of ebony and ivory
Art is from the heart—bled so my eyes can see
This dear diary, my Lee Lee is still alive in me.

Eng:

Quote:

sapient

Another day of complete failure, some speech’s alien:
nothing I can bleed from my tongue seems salient.
Asleep - sapient with a keen razor wit,
I barely even dream lately it’s a fiend trading hits
in the mirror, where I notice my build’s thinner. Twist slivers
of sensimilla between the rizla before I skip dinner
and sit, bitter, with the sweet taste of irony, fire and green.
Temper thoughts till grey matter sheets change to iron, ire and steel
I can feel, or just wield
with zeal; and hope my scion recognizes its seal.
I’m tired. Tired of even trying to find what’s real
on an uneven keel worn in my gait’s patter:
carry a penchant for the most unsafe patterns of behaviour
as if natural or favourable, in a false paradigm, what’s crazier?
Not having Time to spare but to iron my paisley shirt.
I see Evil in the world, and what hurts is I may be worse
through lethargy, or something - empty efforts to be nothing
are effectively as stunting. Burn my effigy
into anything eternally disposable,
rather be forgotten than relegated to merely ‘quotable’.
I chose to kill cherished moments in view of the camera
in hopes it would undo all my illusions of candor.
I know the deal: delusions of grandeur
ensure my stupor and malady usually hang a
-round. Losing sanity, and gravity, by the pound,
I’m heavy, God, my words never weighed this much.
I’ve an old soul moulded from earth that ancients cut.
Knew amor once, now all a bitch can do is make me lust,
maybe strut, shake her butt, and take this dick in place of love.
It pays to trust but I’m broke as fuck with smoker’s lung,
my wallet is just motes of dust that got me choking up
and I don’t give enough of a fuck to not have wrote it up.

Certain aka ThaTalent

Quote:

the night was crisp and cold - Jack Frost winked his eye
the air was suffocated with snow, as white sheets split the sky
but i stayed pacing - leaving depressions from my depression
grasping my oily picked out afro'd hair as i was tested
- and stressing...a gaze colder and coarser than the air it pierced
up through to apartment 6B - stare impared by tears
but the tears - so much more than from frost and bite
i lost the fight - now i long to right the wrongs in life
"stay strong through spite" - the words mom left me with
now she's strapped to an IV and i'm strapped to pestilence
a fettered mess - the doctors say one shot hit her kidney
one shot hit her right calf and one shot split her wrist clean
one shot hit me though - not a bullet wound - a shot no heat could shoot
its the same shot that leaves me pacing through the streets at two
its the same shot that has me wailing - failing to reconcile
the same shot that leaves me exposed as i undress all smiles
the gangs - the slum life - the drugs, hype - so dumb, trife
the echoes - she told me to get a love life and love life
but did i listen? - no, now i'm lost trying to follow a crumb trail
stuck pacing the murky swamplands in search of dove tails
...
looking back at a trail of one set of footprints in the sand
i recollect - memories of this past day - so crude but worth a glance
...
it had been a long day - and as the song wanes - it's Billie Holliday
evening was closing in, and i just had walked away
from the dinner table to go get dressed for a big date tonight
threw on a button down and jeans, picked the fro to sway just right
i heard momma give a yell from down the hall, callin me - "Puddin'..
..i'm going to the store," usually my chore but tonight i couldn't
so i fixed my hair some more, Wu Tang blastin in the background
heard the door slam - but got my laces fastened up and hat down
flipped my cell open to call just to say i'm bout to pick her up
but Crystal wasn't their - so i guess my wish got bumped
cos her sister said that she had more important things to do
kinda pissed, but fuck it - i'd rather torch it with my crew
- pulled up to Big Bennies, they talkin like somethin's goin down
a couple Latin Kings got the word that's floatin 'round
how some kids is gonna pull a drive-by on Jon-Jon's Grocer
didn't connect the dots to see that's where my moms would go to
...
and now she and Jon Jon are both skidding by on life support
i'm catch blackness strictly, tried to look to the bright side first
but couldn't find one - and the snow is getting deeper now, its colder
take a break in the pavilion, the snow creaping down is frozen
so i take out my agression on icicles - snapping the sharp shards
my mind - a racing standstill - speeding past parked cars
- then i stopped -
voices - two voices, different sexes
couldn't see their faces but i could hear them talking - pressing
speaking of the days news - the shooting - i drew nearer to hear their mumbles
"a shame" - "if i'd have known" - but then something burst clear the bubble:
"i had really liked her - we should have never done it" "but its done and.."
i didn't let the man finish his sentence - grabbed my gun and..
i blasted ------ caught the shoulder of the bitch first
shot her again - caught a glimpse of the face - it was CRYSTAL!
i guess she ditched me to go to town on my mom - i was amazed
dropped the pistol - fell to my knees - completely dazed
her dying scream - "PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" - her leather coat soaking in blood
the last thing i saw - the man she was with lowered his gun
...
...
in a world of angry souls and backstabbers - thus sparks the pillage
and the only ones to stay alive are cold hearted killers

Frank:

Quote:

"The Eve"

Little Joseph rolled over, and over, and over, uncontrollably in his sheet
While Snow blanketed him in his homely, cosy retreat.
Santas' Elves were going to be busy in the north pole for the week -
Unloading, loading, reloading sleighs, being towed by the elite Reindeer - red nose in the fleet
..
The fire in the living room glows with a remote, and no heat
His parents tip toe through the hallway, w/ each sole exposing a creak
"Look how much we saved!" showing the receipt to one another, over a glass of wine - toasting to the tree
Growing up... they never grew out of the Christmas spirit - they chose to believe
Mistletoe high where you could see - groping with glee -
Joseph closed his eyes and dozed off to the white snow flurries outside his window like sheep
Santa stroked his beard and drank his hot cocoa tea,
Scolding Rudolph, tying the rope around his neck - his fur frozen in sleet
Santa Clause looked through his telescope at a serene scene - holy and bleak
His chubby cheeks, rosy and peach, his coat red; his elves green. Joseph, black on a ghetto street.
The head Elf double checks the Christmas lists before putting a bow on it neat,
His parents put out the cookies and leave crumbs and half empty glasses of milk with a note in a wreath
All is silent. The crackling of chestnuts roasting in a seethe
The hooves of reindeer trotting to a stop -
"HOLD!!"
"CEASE!!!!"
The Reindeers nostrils flared smoking with steam
The Christmas lights are so bright they cloak the mischiev
Josephs brother boasted` Santa was real and so it seemed, as the house shook down to the stones and and the beams
A 400 pound man was clearing the chimney... soot sprinkling into the fake fire place - coating the screen
Flopping to his swollen feet,
Santa swung the bag of goodies over his shoulder...fatigued
Having a seat in front of the crumbs, finishing the milk that's been old for a week
Approaching the crack of the door, Joseph slowly creeps -
As a Jolly old fellow dampened his fingers to get the last of the cookie crumbs before bestowing his mystique
"Joseph dont open the door!"
Joseph peeks
Santa senses Joseph and bolted, his Reindeer jolted and fleed
Postponing, Santa returned to the home at 3
The roads were deep and the wind had been blowing east
And Joseph's eyes wasn't closed, this was his moment
He lied emotionless, his brother 5 years old in a dream
Little Joseph walked to the door, not the remotest peep
As Reindeer vocals shrieked, foam in their teeth
His brother woke up "No Joe DON'T!!"
Joseph said "Go back to bed" as Santa unloaded the eve
Joseph opened the door, he wasn't going back to sleep

Richard Corey:

Quote:

YOU. MATTER.

They say, ‘whenever ya time comes, best be ready to fly
and don’t ever rely on warnings, those never arrive.’
And that most treasured advice, he let set in his mind
to remain present for when he was next stressed to decide
whether to act or not. His father’s message was plied;
it was nothing but intervention and no less than divine.
So check his surprise, when they all left for their ride,
from the club, passing several regulars resting outside.
They hopped in, noticing the strangers stepped to their side
and said something inaudible to those now nestled inside.
Behind the wheel, he saw one man reach, “is he getting a nine?”
His man in the passenger seat quickly gestured to drive.
And so, he imagined hitting the gas and just letting it fly,
letting a sigh of relief leave as they left them behind…

2005
“Y’all goin’ out Sunday,” asked his father,
breaking the silence.
“You’re grown now…and you do have a daughter.”
“I know,” Sean responded, behind the steering wheel
driving, while trying to conceal why he clearly feels
that this subject is one he’d rather not approach
with his pops
knowing where the latter’s gonna go.
“I was thinking, but I don’t know she’s got church”
“y’know you need to marry that girl…”

Just like clockwork.

“Pops, please! Aren’t you hearing this?
I been said we ain’t thinking about that”
“Boy are you serious?!”
“What?!”
“Seriously…”
“I said WHAT?!”
“She ain’t some stupid toy!”
Sean rolled his eyes.
“keep messin around, you’re gonna lose her boy!
I know what I’m talking about!”
His father wasn’t really mad
It was just Sean was making a mistake far too many have.
Too many men were falling for this ruse and hesitation,
believing they mean nothing
to their community’s preservation.
When that couldn’t be further from the truth
No matter how absurd and how uncouth
Men mattered.
Sean’s father had tried to reassure that in his youth.
Now that boy was a 22-year-old man, an electrician;
his father felt he may need help
making correct decisions.
“There’s no shame in being a dad and married.
And I know…we’ve had a bad rep, it’s scary.
There’s nothing really in it for you.
It’s a thankless job.
No pats on the back or accolades
and the days are long.
But…when my reasons are none
And I’m in desperate need of one
I remember
Despite what anybody says
…they need us son.”

And with that Sean and his father drove into the mist
in the same car that within’ a year, holes would be ripped.
Discussing outcomes of decisions made incorrectly in life,
his father said, “when ya time comes, best be ready to fly
that’s whether going down the aisle toward being a man
or going toward the light; life’s a thing not easily planned.
But you gotta be ready. No one flies up to the sun tired,
finding heaven by walking through a hell of gunfire.
And tho’ Sean imagined that he, into the darkness fled
So check his surprise, when he hit a cop car instead.
To the world, unnecessary is how you’re openly viewed
and that’s something 50 loud gun explosions will prove.
So be ready to fly…into self importance.
It’s your moment to choose
They may not think you matter,
but you can die knowing you do.

Vulgar:

Quote:

"A Space Vacation"

Planet excursion, I'll be damned if I'm nervous
Lowering our hovercraft over the dark blue atmosphere, planning submersion
last year the pundits asked if the Hamptons were worth it
We had nothing to show for it but hotel bills & deeds from lands we had purchased
My wife and I were traveling biologists, seeking aliens lurking
Originally we came for scientific experiments; romance had reversed it
as we slow danced on the surface of the ship's pleasure deck
It was tantric inertia -
You wouldn't believe the gratifying feeling that abandoning Earth gives
She had the body of a goddess, the delicate hands of a surgeon
I had the keys to both her heart, and the Galactic Suburban
At first, it was picture perfect, we landed in fields that were tanner than Persians
unloaded our microscopes and planted our cryogenic cameras - the amethyst versions
Two days later, our ship started being hit by several damaging currents
Were they soundwaves from terrestrial life forms? Or merely random gamma dispersion
I turned on the translation module and listened to the sampling circuits
Unbelievably, it was my wife's voice - commanding and earnest
"Honey?" I said aloud, suspecting the message carried a scandalous purpose
Then I went out looking for my wife on the otherworldly terrain -
only to find out that she was gone. She'd disbanded her work tent
No note and no heat signature - safety measures we'd been barely concerned with
I immediately considered sending out a beacon but we were way off the search grid
My wife's voice flowed throughout the ship like a seductive séance - intangible verses
yet amply enchanting enough to cause a rise in my pants from the verbiage
My head wasn't hurting - just consumed by her soft, ambient purring
For god's sakes, I would've grabbed my noise-cancelling headset if I'd had but the courage
Was my wife abducted? The scariest thought was, was I a man who preferred it?
The sensors went off as something boarded the ship - had my wife managed deterrence?
She entered the control room where I was lying, feint yet observant
then proceeded to ride me raw -
in that paralyzed state, I could only assume my pecker was workin'
The sex was perverted, although it left me feeling oddly satisfied
She had an orgasm, let out an ungodly, savage cry; a celestial sermon
Might I add that her head game was highly advanced, an exceptional service?
Needless to say, I left with this person
and whether or not she's my real wife, I ain't coming back..

Pent uP:

Quote:

posthumorous
Before I had this job that I'm already sick of doing;
catching tickets through speed every frickin two weeks.
Before my job vacuuming with kirby to clean;
back before life seemed scrill consuming, when I had the will to do things.
Before my car broke and I thought it wished to doom me.
Before grandma passed some trinkets to me, which I think is to keep
me in the visiting mood. Before my second cat was "Missy" to me.
when only Molly was allowed to put her whiskers to me.
Before I lived with my mom again, and insisted youth be
my trick to proving my life didnt need her strict ass ruling.
Back before you could find the raiders swiftly losing.
Before I was a felon thinking of how prison would be.
when getting laid was "PIMPING" to me, yet it was simple to see
a little food spree was more important than clit lips to me.
Back before drinking brewski's to start spitting lewd free's
wasn't considered to be a gimmick to me.
Before the catalyst of new things like getting sick off shroomies
before I was kicking dude's weed, and my rhymes were "thinking to deep"
When a mile in MY shoes was a long distance to me
Before I saw assholes slipping roofies and had to kick caboose meat.
When I would sit aloofly and wouldnt hit the kitchen to eat,
waiting for the apex that my intuition could reach.
before I would trip on shoe strings trying to think of new schemes
I WOULD WONDER HOW THEY DID IT TO ME, now listen to me....

Back before I was rapping raw putting ink to looseleaf
Back Before you would find me sifting through streets
Back before I couldnt stand the law, thinking to deep
back before I understood I was filthy looking
I WAS JUST ONE OF THE KIDS THAT YOU MEET
WHO WAS SEARCHING FOR THE WORLDS HIDDEN BEAUTY

Before they had a television show that made your whip look unique,
Back before Jayofelony dissed on snoopy, Hell before the Biggie shooting.
Before glistening rubies were big valued things.
Back before my car was a brittle, used, piece, Before I got lifts from roomies
When I just rode around with a clique of goonies.
Back before I was schtick refuting my ritual schooling by bitching rudely.
Before indifference moved me, when learning made a difference to me.
Before copyright lawyers didn't sue teens for infringing new beats;
Before there was a risk protruding the compact disk that you bring.
When I still lived with my dad and he shot wisdom to me;
When we played chess after homework before drifting to sleep.
Back before a pigeon holed vision ruled me. before I took Chicks to movies,
when I would notice the pigeons cooing, when being a kid was soothing
and I could switch to goofy and back through the thrill of true peace.
When no one cared if I was hitting booties, the gifts I took deep
were spitting loogies and picking boogies while counting the flicks profusely.
I was unrestrained, which left a different definition of "living" to me.
I wasn't confined to the boundries that consist of smooth speech.
I was allowed to question life, and no thing was to meek;
every purpose had a principle, there were no trick inquierys.
A Time when I was to optimistic to cheat;
When nothing could cause tears to trickle through cheeks
I Never conflicted to needs, or got addicted to greed
I wasn't a child that wished he knew free, now listen to me...

Back before I was rapping raw putting ink to looseleaf
Back Before you would find me sifting through streets
back before I understood I was filthy looking
I WAS JUST ONE OF THE KIDS THAT YOU MEET
who never needed to WISH he was free
while he was searching for the worlds hidd beauty....

*****

The Treatment Room

Some say the best way to fight infection is with infection. I've no idea how true that is, but pitting sickness against sickness is what this tournament was built on! I promised you that would happen, and luckily for you guys I'm a man of my word. Let's see who has been matched against who in this second round!

Certain vs Frank
Pent uP vs Eng
Richard Corey vs Vulgar
Cimmerian vs dead man

Certain vs Frank - This round sees two former D12World and RhymeNReason veterans face off in a battle for the ages. These two are battle hardened veterans of the game. Certain (formerly known as ThaTalent) takes on Frank (formerly i.E) in somewhat of a Teacher vs Pupil match-up seeing as Certain took a young Frank under his wing and helped him to fly all those years ago. These two have battled previously, with Frank having an overall 2-1 aggregate edge but it's Certain who emerged victorious in their last encounter. This is one for the history books for sure and we have a potential classic on our hands here folks because neither will be taking their old enemy lightly!

Cimmerian vs dead man - Here we have one of the most intriguing battles of the round, two very similar writers in their approach and execution, both possessing a phraseology firmly associated with their own style(s). This one won't be down to personal preference I shouldn't think as you can just about fit a rizla paper between them both. This is gonna be a war. With so little between them both to choose from, I can't see this going any other way than a back and forth between the voters if both bring their A game. Cimmerian's preference for shorter verses could maybe work against him here and that could decide how this battle goes. Let's hope he surprises us all with something special to make this one live up to the hype!

Richard Corey vs Vulgar - Two of the most respected topicalists on the net, period, meet here in a salivating prospect between the two. This one has BOTW contender written all over it! I'm pretty certain this won't be the first time they have clashed due to them both having runs in the RHYME over at PR. This is quite possibly the unstoppable force meets the immovable object. The sparks are sure to fly when these two meet head on and this is another fantastic matchup where I suspect the key to victory will lie in their ability to outwit their opponent tactically. To outthink them as well as outwrite them and transcend the topic to create something wholly original. It's gonna be a tough task for sure, but whoever emerges victorious from this battle surely has to be regarded as a favourite to go on and win the whole thing. Right?!

Pent uP vs Eng - Eng is fresh off a giant slaying following that round one win over Pinot Grij, yet he has no time to rest on his laurels as he faces the pragmatic Pent uP here in another quizzical quarter final match up! Eng proved a lot of doubters wrong last round but Pent won't be sleeping on the "dark horse" now he's revealed his position. With the target in his sights, everyones favourite Russian will be gunning for Eng - and a place in those Semi Finals - with a victory here. Does Eng have what it takes to topple another legend of the scene? You bet you he does. The young pretender to the throne could soon be King if his quest continues like it started.

Survival Chances
by @Certain

1. dead man | 23 percent
Why he will win: It’s not just that he’s the best writer on this site; it’s that he’s this site’s favorite writer. Every site, every league, every writing community has a taste preference that typically is defined by a single writer. dead man, who is great and has earned this distinction, holds a leg up with Netcees voters not because of bias toward dead man but because of bias toward the particular rhyme-fluid, emotion-driven, nostalgia-tinged writing that he hones so well.
Why he won’t win: For all his mastery of his style, it doesn’t always translate to various topics. A good example would be the final of the first Winter Topical, against Lars, where dead man wrote a complex, good verse that bit off more than most readers are used to him trying to do. Even last round, I’m not sure many people actually understood his verse’s depth. With dead man, some voters tend to be more than happy to enjoy the surface level and incapable of digging past it.

2. RichardCorey | 21 percent
Why he will win: He’s the best ever. I don’t say that without thought. I’ve said that for 12 years, literally. RichardCorey has a firm grasp of all the writing skills, and when he immerses himself in a topic, he almost can’t be beaten.
Why he won’t win: He’s probably facing some rust, and he’s definitely facing unfamiliarity with this site’s expectations and preferences.

3. Pent uP | 15 percent
Why he will win: I was wondering if he’d be rusty, but his Round 1 shutout of Soulstice showed absolutely none. That was one of my favorite verses he’s ever written. When he’s on point, he showcases great rhyming and a wide variety of styles at his command. In ways good and bad, he seems like someone wanted to build a great topical writer in a lab, but it works —there’s a reason he was Netcees’ first (and for a long time, only) topical Hall of Famer.
Why he won’t win: I’ve long held two complaints with Pent uP, that kept him off the upper-upper-upper echelon. The first is that he doesn’t always grab his readers with authority, sometimes becoming mechanical with his love of alliteration and heavy rhyming and big words. He balanced out those concerns very well in the first round. The second is that he often writes around a topic instead of embodying it. He definitely did that in the first round.

4. Vulgar | 13 percent
Why he will win: Winning this tournament probably would be enough to put Vulgar into the Netcees Hall of Fame, which seems like the kind of thing he absolutely doesn’t care about. Alas, he’s so damn talented and dropped one of the best verses of the first round. He also is remarkably creative, in a way that does not get appreciated enough.
Why he won’t win: The reason Vulgar could use this win to propel his Hall of Fame credentials is because he always seems to fall just short in tournaments and often even leagues. Everyone knows he’s elite, but he often veers off paths of least resistance and pushes his audience too far away.

5. Frank | 9 percent
Why he will win: He’s enormous. Everything about Frank has its own gravity. He has the most unique style on the site, and he executes it with fascinating creativity. He routinely beats people who voters say out-wrote him. If this tournament comes down to storytelling, ain’t many better.
Why he won’t win: Frank’s greatest struggle comes in winning over this site’s more elitist voters, who criticize his indulgent rhyming and sloppy phrasing. Simply put, his style clash with more polished writers can be tough to overlook at times.

6. Certain | 8 percent
Why he will win: He’s done this for a while.
Why he won’t win: Ahh, where to begin? For one, he has a propensity to bore readers. He tries to master all styles and therefore mostly lacks one of his own. He hasn’t written more than five rap verses in the past six months. He spends more time thinking of his ideas than writing his verses. His approaches to topics and to subtlety are aloof. He lets his rhyming go sometimes. He was more energized and interesting 10 years ago. Fuck him.

7. Cimmerian | 6 percent
Why he will win: RichardCorey is the greatest topical battler in internet text rap history, but Cimmerian might be the greatest open mic contributor. Every element of his style is absurdly polished, the product of writing like this for at least 15 years. Looking back at those older verses and comparing them to what he writes now, you can see the refinement rather than wholesale changes. It’s ridiculous how good he is at what he does.
Why he won’t win: What he does is write 12- to 20-line verses with abstract cores. Will that hold up in the long run of an elite-level topical tournament? Factor in that he’s facing the tournament favorite in Round 2, and the challenge is huge.

8. Eŋg | 5 percent
Why he will win: He is one of the smartest writers on this website, an effective minimalist with smart ideas and a good grasp of mechanics. He didn’t put his best foot forward in Round 1, but he still beat a star. And that 5 percent is not shabby at all. Usually I’d be giving the No. 8 writer in a tournament quarterfinals more like 2 percent or worse.
Why he won’t win: He pretty much never leaves his comfort zone. As a result, wrapping himself around more specific topics will be a challenge. Will he break from his heavily intellectualized writing style if it’s necessary? Will he show the creativity in approaching topics to beat the best?[/QUOTE]

Adonis Fucks up my Lime Colour Scheme

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adonis

Lars: I don't know if the wording is clear on what the PowerRankings reflect, the past five years of competition. Hopefully it translates, or feel free to clean it up. Peace brat

Grading on a Curve - A Five Year POWER RANKING

Produced by: Adonis

#8 The Unproven - Eng
Semi-Finalist: Short Verse Topical Tourney

I don’t know much of anything about this cat other then what he contributed to the “brevity is key” topical tourney hosted by Certain. The talent is evident but looking outside of five years the guy just hasn’t been active. This ranking will reflect the lack of verses dropped as Eng easily secures the 8th seed….Also your name is too short to search, so thanks for making this shit difficult you chode.

#7The Old Horse - Richard Corey
Finalist: Project Rhyme: The Final Topical Tourney

If the criteria were expanded RC would likely be a top 3 candidate at the least. He had rust coming off his first hiatus in reaching the finals of a heavy field at PR’s tourney. But once the grandfather of this shit gets going, he gets that groove and returns pretty close to his hay days. I have the utmost respect for this man, but the fact is, moving forward, he just might be out of touch. This is a true gauntlet so rust is his biggest optical along with having the proper amount of free time in his real life to post up and write to his abilities. I see him reaching the finals to be clearer.

#6 The Short and Sweet - Cimmerian
Semi Finalist Winter Topical II

This is by far my favorite writer in the past five years and he’s posted under 15 verses total. His style might be best suited for this tourney as his crisp mechanics will shine when the seasoned voters, or competitors, can actually appreciate it for what it is. As far as his ranking here, it is the same as stated above, he just doesn’t have the resume as the others. Moving forward however is a whole other story. While I think the voters will understand who he is and style he gifts us, I just don’t see him getting out of the gauntlet. His short style can beat anyone, but not a list of these boys consecutively.

#5 The Motivated - Pent uP
Champed Write Week IV

Resume might seem surprisingly weak, but the rap sheets don’t include all-around body of work, which Pent put in. That is why he is highest on the list of guys where the Resume just fall short. As far as his outlook considering the field of contestants, I think Pent will need to simply show up with his usual grade works to get passed another couple rounds. He has the talent to go the distance, but is no shoe-in. I do know that he will actually be trying, which spells trouble for everyone. I see him reaching the finals, semi-finals at the very least.

#4 The Post Retirement - Vulgar
Semi Finalist Winter Topical I
Champed Write Week II

I originally had Vulgar ranked higher on the list, but when I started reviewing the criteria he inched down a spot I believe. Vulgar had many deep runs in the AOWL over the past five years as well as other leagues, he is only down on this list because his imaginary trophy case is a bit more barren. Vulgar also may have made Semi-Finals in PR’s final topical Tourney, but I couldn’t locate the page. As far as this tournmanet, it’s basically like old times again as he gets to face RC. Vulgar in theory should be able to squeak it as he has been way more active then Grandpa Rich, but Rich is Rich man. I think Vulgar might get into the Semis here, but I give him a slight edge in not being able to do so.

#3 The Worn Down - Frank
x2 Semi-Finalist: AOWL I
Finalist AOWL II
Champed AOWL VI

Impressive Resume here fresh off his championship run, how funny does the x2 Semi-Finalst Accomp look? Technically it doesn’t exist, but I remember. Over the past five years nobody on this list will have more wins or losses then Frank. Over the past five years, two more writers have slightly more hardware. Read Certain Bio for a closer look at why. Considering the field and Franks next opponent, I don’t think he will be able to make a deep push. He no doubt should theoretically be exhausted on his championship run, but this is just an assumption on my end. But then again, while facing truly elite talent he seems to be exposed as being just an inch or centimeter behind.

#2 The Rustic - Certain
Champed AOWL III
Semi-Finalist AOWL IV

Certain might have the weaker resume between Frank and Himself, but consider the fact he’s participated in half as many battles and won while Frank competed, meanwhile Frank was not able to get any hardware while Certain competed. Certain had a two year streak in which he really dominated the competition. This ranking is accurate I feel, and is in no way a slight that he is not number one overall, as it was close as shit.

#1 The Purest - Deadman
Champed AOWL I
Champed AOWL IV
Finalist Winter Topical I

Dead has only competed in a select few tourneys and Seasons, but when he has competed, he reached the finals or semis at least. I can only guess, but in battles he showed up in, I’m sure his win% is in the high 80’s, something like 17-3 and shit. This ranking was earned given his dominance evidenced by the trophies in the few competitions he has participated with. This leaves me with the this specific field. I believe he has the best abilities other then cimmerian and pure writing, which is one reason why him against cimm is intriguing. However, if he opts out of writing short and goes for the jugular on more of an in-depth and fleshed out verse, he should trounce the situation and advance. But Dead was never known for actually trying in all honesty, hopefully this tourney forces his hand, because if it does, he should press for the belt, however I’m still predicting him in losing a close as fuck nail biter in the semis against a vulgar/RC/ Certain match up.

Interview with Bags

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLSVQZYOZJg

The Docs Diagnosis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I5NbZeox6c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxHFeLkjGlU

The scenes are set. Surgical instruments are sharpened and
the scrubs are off once more. Only one of these disease ridden fleabags will make it out of here alive. Only time will tell just who that will be.

WTF's Of The Week

WTF @ Atheist no showing, and then Split Eight no showing, after showing up originally?
WTF @ Cimm dispatching Bags with just 12 damn lines of niceness?!
WTF @ Pharoahs Army of a million aliases conversing with one another in here?
WTF @ how dope these quarter finals have shaped up!?
WTF @ the STI regularly having more viewing the forum than the Bummer Classic?
WTF @ text not being dead in 2016?!
WTF @ the dormant level of skill we had lying around online prior to this?
WTF @ how dope them big baby votes were though?!
WTF @ HALF A FUCKING HOUR of video mag goodies for the Elite Eight!
WTF @ Adonis taking a turd on my lime green colour scheme, yo!?
WTF @ this being so damn thorough?!

Anyway, I'm out until next time fellas,

Peace!

- Dr. Lars PhD