i've come to the conclusion i am not happy.
 

it is baffling. there is nothing i really want to do if that makes sense?

like nothing sounds like a good idea, other than things that i could only do if i had hundreds of millions.

but yea where do you guys find your happiness. i have all the matierial possessions i could want honestly. like i have to find ways to spend my money because there is nothing i really want. like the other night i was looking at ways to customize the looks of my drum machine. why? because who knows i have nothing else to purchase.

but word i just feel like i live waiting for shit, and when it comes its old, and then im in that endless search to find something else i want to wait for, only for it to come and be left unfulfilled

i'm guessing thats life tho? pretty wack.

like i'm to the point where i almost enjoy going to work, because it takes me from the monotony of trying to decide what to do to fill my time. its weird.

i think i need new friends maybe. like i use to shake these feelings by getting drunk with the homies and then getting topped by a fat broad in a mcdonalds parking lot, but its like i'm getting smarter while all my friends get more dumb, and hanging out is wack, and going through the trouble of talking to all the fat bitches i've SPURNED is too much work anymore so i would rather just beat off.

life.

i guess i could get a girl and have kids, but that sounds like the worst idea possible being as i'm to selfish to treat a girl right let alone treat a girl right and raise humans

basically just a long post of nothingness representitive of my monotonous life that means nothing.

there will be no marble busts made of da god. WHATS THE POINT OF LIVING

I came to this conclusion on you about 20 threads ago, I truly hope you find it tho. Chances are it will be in the simplest thing. My happiness is in success and sharing it with people I love. Could be something big or something as simple as a donut. I really just stop and smell the roses every day.

But tbh I found some of your OP disingenous because there is no way u have everything u want. No one does.

sounds like you have depression bro

get some zoloft

but I find happiness from my fiancee and family/friends tbh

maybe start up a new hobby?

Get new friends or get a girl

ALSO TO ELABORATE on the hundreds of millions thing

i would basically just want that money to purchase women, drugs, and places to enjoy the women and drugs. and i would travel to places and shit.

but uh-oh, you can purchase women and drugs now, well of course i can, and have, but the women are bottom tier, as are the drugs.

i want to purchase instagram models. like 40 of them. buy out a warehouse, and cover the warehouse in mattresses everywhere, and basically pay them to run from me while i chase them like a lion hunting gazelle, where i will seperate one from the pack, hit her like ray lewis and forcefully enter her with a viagra dick with no pretense or preparation.


the sad part is i'm trying to think of other stuff and can't. i guess i'd buy cars? but i don't really give a shit about cars.

i'd buy a ton of records too, but they would just collect dust as beatmaking bores me again.

hmm. im going to think on other stuff i would like to do.

OH YEA. i'd buy a football team. but that would require billions not hundreds of millions. so i guess thats out of the question. even tho i will never have hundreds of millions either so whats the point in DAYDREAMING AT ALL

i just want a pile of blow and south american women who don't speak american that are built perfect and only exist to empty my balls of sperm

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, OBAMA?

okay now it sounds like you need to get laid

Lol man u just need to be more social. U seen wat happened to muff. Get out more. Find new friends u share common interests aside from booze blow an blunts. Find a bitch that will care about u an do stuff for u. U trynna buy shit u don't need cuz u bored an lonely.

Also....U paid for sex? LOL....elab?

Dude, I thought I said this before but you're a classic case of depression if I've ever seen it. Not in the "oh you're just sad right now," kind of way. But in the text book clinical way.

I suffer from the same condition however, instead of taking brain pills for depression, I force myself out into social situations and go with the flow, even though my brain is like "fuck this, let's go back to our room and drink like we always do."



My god honest suggestion to you is to create new habits, new routines, that ultimately end up being new stimulating experiences.


This is coming from a guy who labeled himself as "Badweather." Quit making excuses and actively make a change. You're more powerful and resourceful than you think.

spend money on traveling. experiencing new places and new things will give you a new lease on life, and you'll always have something to look forward to. women/drugs/booze are fleetingly fun, but travel sticks with you.

Uh-oh doesn't have everything he wants. He doesn't want anything. When you don't believe what you want is possible, you have to separate yourself from your desires to stay sane. Uh-oh, unfortunately, has succeeded in this. Now he doesn't want what he cannot have. And what he has, he's had for quite some time now.

So he doesn't want things and feels empty.

It's like being complacent without the smugness.

If you *want* to want things, you have to expose yourself to new ideas and possibilities. You have to allow yourself to pursue what you want.

this nigga dr dog is on to something

If bags pretends he never paid for sex in this thread it's gonna literally kill me
But @uh-oh
U can buy Instagram models on back page for like 80 bucks

Cmon my nigga I can bring u out this dark place

you should move tbh

sounds like you just live in a depressing place, and from what I've observed your family just brings you down/you don't really enjoy them

move somewhere with more activity and shit man

U have pretty words but I don't think u lived enough yet u handsome brown grasshopper

LOL came close in bmore a few years back....but NAH never did

We don't even have hoes walking round where I live.....I could prolly head down to harrisburg an get one tho....dat shit scurry to me tho. Besides I just got clean std test. Can't risk it yoo.

maybe not

I've been in a few couple ruts like this

one time I dragged my depressed sweatpants wearing ass to my friends cabin in NH for a 2 day party thing. met this girl who was super into me, kept hitting me up to hang out & I kinda snapped out of it because I had something to do all of a sudden

when I changed colleges, didnt find a crew i meshed with for two semesters. all of a sudden I started doing all the shit I missed out on because it was like I had that extra nudge to go do it

idk. something about involving yourself in other peoples lives makes you more involved in your own

it's a hack not a solution

That was highly insightful.

I've recently been warming up to the idea that I have what's known as clinical depression, but it's a lot more organic and individualized than I ever realized before having it. I suppose there are likely key elements that attribute to a person becoming clinically depressed, and what you just lined out is likely one of them.

I think a lot of it boils down to hopelessness, or emptiness, if you'd rather put it that way. Life seems dull. I often think about how it's this stubbornness attribute that keeps me 'depressed'. I want life to be something my theories on life dont agree with. When I was younger I saw flaws and wanted to fix them. As I got older I began to accept things for the way they are. The logical answer if you don't like the world, but see no way of fixing it is to stop caring about it, but the apathy also makes me unhappy. Like uh-oh, I seem to expect too much from life.

word hush, backpage da god

the problem as knuck has pointed out, is i live in a shit place. i dig it tho. ohio da god. but yea the backpage isn't too promising here. i've got 2 off there. the first was great. she was from out of town and was a professional. it was 160 for an hour and she came to the crib. her body was ridiculous in her bikini. when she took her top off her tits gave up and it was depressing. the ass was fat tho. since im being honest i might as well mention that she licked my butthole, got me hard, and we fucked with a condom, when i was halfway there she took it off and blew me like an insane person, i nutted in her mouth and she swallowed and throated me until i pushed her off.

it was great.

the second one i bought was different then the one in the pics. she blew me with a condom on, i barely stayed hard, we didnt fuck and when i came it was a pathetic drizzle. the chick didnt want to do it, she was grilling me as to why i'm paying for pussy, and basically shamed me saying all her clients were old divorced men and shit.

but as for getting laid in general its not like i HAVE to pay for pussy, its the whole me not liking the guilt that comes with hurting peoples feelings. i'm not paying to have sex, i'm paying for them TO LEAVE afterwards.

most of my issues stem from just not liking other humans enough to want to hang around them, let alone some chick

also most the girls out here are pure white women who either listen to some form of pancakebrah music or pop/country music. all their interests don't interest me. etc.

This is what Ive generally done through-out my life. It's as if I don't care about myself as an individual. Happiness only real when shared.

I've never paid for vagina. Wouldn't enjoy it. I'd end up wanting to ask them about their lives and shit. GAAAAAAY.

you're in the wrong place if you're looking for happy, well-adjusted people.

word diode

if i'm examining the going ons in my life at the moment that led to this really tho where im at now, its all on my pops.

he had a job but recently quit, he sold his truck to pay off fines from having his license suspended and to reinstate it and shit along with getting an sr22 like i had to do, and he's supposed to be getting a new piece of shit car and a job, so i can get out of here without feeling guilty

but it looks like i'm gonna have to be a piece of shit honestly because each day going by is a day where his money gets lower, and its gonna get to the point where he doesnt have enough and i'm gonna have to beat the fuck out of him because i'm not man enough to actually talk to him about this shit, i'd rather let it fester in my mind and drive me insane until i reach a breaking point

so basically instead of finding nonsense to spend money on i'm just gonna put some money back and move and let him figure it out. i'll feel really bad when he gets evicted, but if he's anything like me he's not gonna do anything until he is forced to.

Split is on-point here. uh-oh, I believe you to be a smart, talented, interesting person based off the glimpses I've had of your online persona. comes down to my boy Einstein: you can't solve problems with the same thinking that caused them in the first place (paraphrased). Change it up. come out to Korea and I'll show you a good time ;)

That there's depression, my friend.

Hope u work thru it & find happiness.

I'll pray for u.

How u kno those hookers don't got the hiv tho? Jesus christ uh oh...u r the truest dirt on this site....I had my doubts...but this confirms it....tho safe money says strik banged a few prostitutes in his day also...lmao

Real talk I've never had to pay for pussy, ever.

I always got a bit I can call for that... rarely do I have a drought, but I do get them every blue moon.

I'm not tryna sound conceited or whatever.. but I'm a good enough looking guy w/ GAME.

Never not once banged a hooker. lol

Lol well there u have it folks.

Uh oh nc dirt person #1

That shit cray....never even knew a person that paid for sex lol......even the stories u typed made me feel weird LOL. That's cool tho lol.

Go to a music festival. Take some high quality lsd. Make dope beats. Step out of your comfort zone. Go to Burning Man (I want to soon,looks nuts) .. but uh, what do I know? The right music tho, right evironment can do numbers..

That nigga a barbarian yo.

Perhaps, your feelings of emptiness are not of depression, but because your life is missing something. It could be something your heart yearns to be purged off, sometimes we feel emptiness because we're too saturated with some thoughts of who we are, habits, and so on. Thus, we feel emptiness because emotionally or even deeper in your mind's labyrinth you feel lost, so your body produces this feeling because it wants to feel more liberated.
Unhappiness does not always mean sadness, and it isn't always remedied by accumulating or finding another thing to do. But, that's all I will say of that. Hope you find your happiness.

here's what i've gathered from your posts (and feel free to correct me if i'm wrong):

you eat like shit, chain-smoke, are inactive, purposefully reclusive, and high during as much of your free time as possible.

for such an intelligent dude you seem to be living like another moron waiting to die. and you've convinced yourself this is the only appropriate mindset for whatever reason.

shocking that you'd develop such neurotic tendencies.

just know that you're doing everything you need to be doing in order to continue feeling shitty.

keep it up.

Deadman w/ the killshot.

Fuuck.

That shit made ME even wanna go outside & take a long walk & talk to ppl.

mindset. once you change it, even if it's done "artificially", will lead to a better outlook, and then you will want stuff, and want to Do stuff.
like reversin the perpetual cycle.

force yourself to watch your personal favorite comedy movies or TV shows. Not all day. Just for a bit. The kind of humor you like might inject some life into your veins.

if your mind won't "turn off" at night and you're just stewing on shit... TRY and tell your mind the truth. That it's pretty much just white noise, and in the morning you won't be "thinking like that". So try'n relax

and talk to your dad (diplomatically and rationally-- set the example for him of the "kind of talk" it will be...expect excuses or defensiveness. forgive him for it and remain calm.)

and probably nix some of the stuff that deadman alluded to. Takes about 30-40 days for your brain to clear. Tough but worth it.

these could also be "notes to self" maybe.

@dead man

i'm inactive in my personal life, 40-50 hours a week i'm busting ass tho, working a physical job,

we're all morons waiting to die. none of us will live forever
@Bags you can't get hiv from saliva bro wake up its 2015 lol. worst case scenario would probably be herpes, but i think, and i'm guessing lol, that the CARRIER has to be showing/in a flare up to pass it on? either way its been almost 2 years since then and i've never shown any symptoms for anything. chlyamidia and gonnorhea or whatever get killed with like antibiotics. std's aint shit yo

also the shit is a system bro. go to your local backpage, find an escort that looks good, google her number, then you will have review sites pop up where people review her on some yelp shit lol

but once again to re-iterate, your not PAYING FOR SEX, you're paying a human to LEAVE after you have sex. no sitting around cuddling. no talking about nonsense. no trying to think of a way to get her to leave, or thinking of a way to leave on your own etc. it removes the feelings of being shitty

and i mean what you go out to the bar, you bought clothes to be fresh, your buying drinks, you're buying gas for your car or paying for an uber, buying shit to eat etc, even one night stands cost you money. meanwhile you can throw 100 bucks at a chick who will never call you out of the blue trying to be your friend, she will blow you like a savage while you do whatever you want and when your finished they leave.

but yea i get it. the consensus seems to be you find happiness in hanging out with others and stuff. doing shit.

the main reason i stopped doing that was to be happy tho. GO FIGURE

I'm the complete opposite, like... I find happiness in other people's misfortune.

The Germans have a word for it, Schaudenfreude? @Sn00p @Muff am I correct?

If I find out my boy lost £300 at the casino last night, I'm on top of the world! I love that shit. I'll send a thousand free texts that instant.

I revel in it.

@MMLP for confirmation of my asshole status

Confirmed haha

Schadenfreude. But yeah, you're correct.

And wow, @uh-oh, that paying them to leave is a fucking clever thought. Sounds like someone would say in True Detective or smth. lol

Freudenschaude means the opposite too I think?

My German not as great as my American is

Take mushies and acid and listen to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMzWeZeKcKQ