Don't have your dad get punched over a can of soup.
 

I did my little two step dance and let it go. There's something oddly sexual about the way Lebron hugs that guy.

Watching old sports players newly transitioning to analysts is hilarious.

I hate Steven A. Smith.

The Saints might win today (lol)

Bill Belichick is my hero. ITT: I tell you which NFL coach you are based on you're stupid.

I want to see a sketch show where Chris Berman and Tom Jackson act out scenes from various buddy movies.

Chris Carter's eyebrows.

#toomanyblackpeople

Is @Coup @big baby?

I think everyone is big baby now.

My cat shit blood this morning.

nb4AIDS

dallas this isn't going to end well

WHO ARE YOU TO USE MY REAL NAME?

My son picked me a clover. I chewed it up, spit it in his face, slapped him and told him something about it not having 4 leafs. Yeah, leafs.

Pancakebrah wants to be a leaf.

Ryan Leaf.

Giant qweef.

Compliant chief

Sam Elliot just relieved Morgan Freeman of his long running position of narrating my inner monolog. Zack Braff.

Violent peace.

Tyson Tweets. Vagina crease.

Silent Niece (idk)

I got invited to an antifracking protest...fuck do i know about fracking, nevermind the pros and cons?

Bison meat.

Protesting is funny. It's become like this neat little box that anyone opposing anything can jump inside of. Then the box is happy because they feel they're doing something. It's an appeasement. Those doing what's opposed can learn what they need to do to bend or adapt their practice and continue on. It takes half a decade or more to do anything legally. The legal system is a veil, like most things. Redesigned, but same in appearance as to look like something people respect.

You should go and get tazed, bro.

'we're eating tricks for kids' - my girl's daughter

Cannibalizing those kid killing tricks. Making the world safe.

Lightening speed.

Frightening weed.

Speaking of frightening weed...I'm gonna go just to see what cool drugs those hippy guys have.

Smiling dweebs.

You can't find hippies outside this fracking protest? Seems awkward. Hey, bud, this fracking is stressing me out. Got any LSD? Is this going to be like a lovely outdoors protest, or a stuffy hotel lobby protest where there's a slideshow?

Who's the ESPN sportscaster who is obviously drunk, and everyone's like "shut up" as he's chuckling himself into a stupor, and he tries to talk and everyone let's him finish the sentence then keeps going?

He's my fave

You have to be rhyming these types of schemes to write or speak inside this thing.

Diamond ring.

I don't know who you mean. Is he older? Charlie Steiner? He has a beard and glasses? Looks like a wrestlers manager? I haven't seen him in a while.

Life's a dream.

He always teamed with Linda Cohn. I hate the transformation Sportscenter has undergone. Linda Cohn used to look like you would think a female sports analyst would look. Now she's all dolled up like Vanna White or something. Sportscenter was like a sports version of Wayne's World, and they totally sold out to Rob Lowe. Fuck live Sportscenter, too. Bet the analysts loved that shit lol

He's old and black and kinda fat, shorter, might be NESN idk