| theMuzzl3 |
09-30-2014 03:04 AM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by BROKE LESNAR
(Post 410587)
Now, Muzzl3.
Your set up was awesome. They have been getting better and better. "Tomb registered minutes ago" was you vaguely setting up your concept. "his heart still beating in the womb" was you elaborating on the concept and supporting it with a subtle misdirected description, which is good.
"I assume there's no limits to the room; time for netcees to give the broom" wasted EVERYTHING you built upon in the setup. It had nothing to do with the concept you initially set in the opener. This line should have been used to deliver the punchline you were subtly hinting towards, instead you disregarded all the hard work you put into the concept. Don't assume anything. "no limits to the room" - are you referring to how many ppl are allowed in the hospital room during childbirth? If so, I get it. But this doesn't belong here. You aren't assuming ANYTHING when you're dissing somebody (of course you are). You know for a FACT Tomb is new to NC. You know for a FACT he is still green. Having limits in a room does nothing to progress your concept and NC giving him the broom is as light as a punch as you can get. You might as well have given him a 10 minute timeout on the couch while being hand-fed grapes and feathered by bratz dolls for being a pretentious faggot. Also, you didn't need to throw the "room" word in there to rhyme. It was unnecessary. You know what Muff talks ab with slant rhymes? Practice that.
It's either
blah blah rhyme, blah blah blah rhyme
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahbhbhblaaaah blaaaaah blah rhyme
or
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahbhbhblaaaah blah rhyme
blajajalajs hesitation, blalalalallakallalaahahahahaha rhyme
Don't put two rhymes the way you did in the second line (closer). It cripples whatever impact you were hoping for.
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Your words are helpful, but I tend to disagree with the blah rhyme blah part. Playing with words should be wordplay and it shouldn't be limited to some fixed structure… all though I do see your point and I will write lines according to those structures, more often.
"limits to the room" referred to limits of space within the womb (or in this case, limits to members taking up space on netcees). It was word play and metaphorical. I'm surprised no one got it. Giving him the broom would represent kicking him off of the site, or his mother giving birth to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camp Bell
(Post 410057)
ehh...
both of these were wack but had maa potential to be dope
muzzle, it was just boring, get the broom and do what?
whats the limits in the room, how does all that tie into him
being in the womb? you have to be more creative.
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I guess leaving shit open to interpretation is not so able to be done here…. giving someone the broom means giving them the boot. Limit to room refers to him being too big to be in the womb, or to fat to be on nettles.
In conclusion: I accept my loss without any hesitation, that votes were based on content without discrimination. I did have two lines in my head at one point that would have gone over well, but I was on the toilet with no pen & paper.
@ BROKE LESNAR @ Camp Bell |
