he bathes in a cauldron and doesn't know witch shampoo to buy so he refuses to shower

Is writing a book about enrique iglasias fighting dragons with battle rap verses

he's a landlord's worst nightmare

Samuel the Insomniac

He was there when the "you kicked my dog" scene occurred. At the time, he was trying to turn a mailbox into a gloryhole, unsuccessfully.

is studying for the standardized PEDOPHILE test and wants to score high enough for regionals

i see you vulg

writes anime fan fiction.

last coup he staged was Bye Bye Birdie

burnt the bridge to Terabithia but has wished for a sequel on every falling star since '07

is what you get if you lock an Asian rat, Joey from N'Sync and Jose Cuervo in a room together for 700 years

gets visibly irritated when his chingy cd skips in his dodge neon

Nacho Pipsqueak

He provides discount rates for racoon smuggling around the world. His call sign for telecommunications is 'Ziggy'

He thought the north pole was a measuring stick. Either way, he is attracted to sticks.

smells like ciggarettes and malt liqour.

mom begs him to go to church as hes walking out the house

can recite the fairly odd parents theme song word for word.

once stalked Carson Daly at a flea market. His explanation was that 'MTV really inspired him to lead a better life'

lmaaooo

says "Sorry" after robbing the gas station for honey buns and 99 cent arizona tea.

smokes mexican brick weed

calls it kush

Chico parakeet + Haley Joel Osment + undeniable femininity =

His drivers license is a black card with the word SLYTHERIN on it

awkwardly plays his myspace music for friends at partys... gets no reaction.

Draco Altoid and the Sorcerer's Stoned

has 3 babymommas.

Unfortunately, his body definition isn't found anywhere in the dictionary

This dude thought "wax on, wax off" was a youtube documentary about skin cancer

When dude says "not a problem" it sounds like 'Nautica' so people are always coming up to him for fashion advice.

is the Patron Saint of Date Rape
lives alone in his three bedroom apartment but still smokes his 1 hitter in the linen closet

He has a connect in Czechoslavakia who allows him to draw anal surgery procedures with his grandpa's old etch-a-sketch

He looks like Eyedea got into zyklon b.

Google search history includes, David Blane magic revealed and how to fuck a mermaid

Is a cashier ... ordered custom shirts with his employee name stitched in platinum yarn...

he sold PJK all of his Southpole shirts

once held Dustin Hoffman in the palm of his hand

then he woke up covered in leeches

Holds repressed feelings of childhood angst from the trix bunny never getting his cereal

he walks Count Dracula's dog on the weekends

lost a testicle in a freak knock knock joke accident
his spirit animal is a pigeon with cerebral palsy
if you can get him to crip walk and hock a lugie, a portal to Lego Island II- the Brickster Returns appears in his secret cellar shrine to Sage Francis

he collects Xena the Warrior action figurines and hates the smell of rubbing alchohol

By his first birthday, he was already writing in a diary

at age 6, he finished his first suicide note

Cuts out his skid stains, staples them into the shape of his favorite neopet, and uses it as an air freshener to mask the scent of sorrow and regret in the windowless room where he brings the students with the lowest test score at the special needs school he volunteers at in exchange for the crushed ice cubes he enjoys best in his diet doctor pepper

Was a chem-bio major for 3 years, spent the whole time trying to develop a chemical formula for flubber

Fantasizes about justin bieber laying in a giant campbells soup can full of broken egg shells covered in 10000 of his own eyelashes