Quote:
I'm headed to quitting this searching for a soul journey.. cold turkey
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The wording here is really poor. How does one search for a soul journey? A soul journey, in theory, would itself be a search. Also, the -ing verb followed by a gerund is frowned upon because it's not succinct. This phrasing would have worked at least a little better: "I'm headed toward quitting this soul journey cold turkey." But even so, I'm not sure what this means beyond the rhyme. And the rhyme is pretty simple.
Quote:
Pure angel dust, making fucks hang it up... That Clyde Frazier touch.. Home jersey.
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These phrases don't work together. "Pure angel dust" wouldn't make "fucks hang it up." And that has nothing to do with "That Clyde Frazier touch." Furthermore, Walt Frazier wasn't known for his touch as much as his defense and playmaking.
Quote:
Madison square.. I'm strapping my gear when them savages near
penmanship equivalent to the wrath of a bear.. Turn your marriage to a crappy affair.
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Again, the connection between phrases is almost entirely missing. There were four phrases here, each which could have worked, but they didn't feel part of anything. This is directionless.
Quote:
Code name ISIS.. Barbaric acts of violence to ya main homies
Faggots is scared.. Have you gasping for air like Nick Berg and James Foley.
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Do decapitated people gasp for air? I don't get the impression that's the case. Also, Nick Berg wasn't killed by ISIS because ISIS didn't exist.
Quote:
Slashing knives slash crackin spines.. pain is what you'll agonize
We was led here to spread fear like HAMAS an Hesbalah in Palastine.
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Hamas has been in Palestine for decades, but the second line would have worked well if you hadn't used the Hamas reference and instead only went with the Hezbollah reference. I think you're out of your depth here in terms of having a thorough understanding of what you're writing about, though.
Quote:
No respect.. the way we treat conservatives, my peeps be murderous
So learn ya spot, or we'll turn your block to the streets of Ferguson.
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You'll turn my block into a site of police brutality and neighborhood protests? I guess that makes at least a little sense. But it doesn't connect with the idea of murdering conservatives that you led with in the setup.
Quote:
cold turkey on whole wheat, it makes me so thirsty
then i drink a ginger ale and slide up in your hoe dirty
mac 11, 12 gauge, counting to chrome 30
mass murders. eating hamburgers with the whole clergy
write like Leonidas. 3 hunna my flow Xerxes
your main lady giving me top, see....no turvy
to the point when we meet up in public she grows flirty
put that pussy in a figure-4 lock, with no mercy.........
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Good verse, easily the best of this collaboration.
Quote:
i'm a cannibal with samoan strength, when these hands go astray...
my fingers start stampeding bars, scheming up egregious thoughts
bleeding, i'll feed a sea of sharks a beating heart then hannibal a brain
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I think you went a little too long between "hands go astray" and "hannibal a brain," but this was an interesting rhyme scheme to try out.
Quote:
i got the stamina of bane, beating PETA cops down to animal remains
..camel toes cant brandish cans campbell own or trample on my name
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You avoided making sense here.
Quote:
i'm slinging shots of cancer clones, famine broke, the anecdotes get ate
i hand sell co...but wait, it's ben stiller in a chinchilla, damaged poker face
zoolander mode with my own brand of coke, bout to handsome dope away
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The wordplay didnt' work here. You're pushing too aggressively on rhymes. Making sense should be the first priority.
Quote:
it gets realer, i kill killers who kill killers and you killed killa is the big picture
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I see what you tried to do here. It didn't work.
Quote:
call the man with the brigade, hammers and grenades with the pin missing
ima be the ghost; holding toast and posted with the phantom at the wake
my wind shifting, im in this space on this cloud, raining on the annual parade
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You finished well, mostly because your thoughts connected better.
