last stocking stuffer was an IOU from his gym teacher for 'a proper upbringing'

This nigga's pillow is a grocery bag with socks in it

Wears water shoes & carrys a shiv with him when he goes to the movies

his ringtone is a mash-up of Hoobastank's "The Reason" and an assortment of EDM hit singles

Has recurring wet dreams involving a crossover of Pan's Labyrinth and Family Feud

Is Neighbor's neighbor, carlton dances to the irony

Nigga thinks a complete breakfast is orange Tang & pipe tobacco

Daydreams about walking into dead ends in hedgemazes

Got in severe trouble at summer camp when he didn't stop his 'bunk buddy' from flicking dingle berrys at the cabin counselor

Got arrested for squatting in Bag's moonshine shed & syphoning pool water

Has a lower back tattoo of the Grim Reaper holding a fishing pole instead of a sickle

Plays bingo with aunt nancy every tuesday afternoon using misty 120 butts as chips

Masterbates to the Cabela's catalogs he steals off his neighbor's porch

If his dignity could be measured a ballpark guess would be about 3 moles (the unit used for measuring molecules), it still far exceeds anything else this guy has to offer.

has had multiple family portraits done by a 3 fingered pollack in MS paint

The closest he ever came to having a halloween costume was dressing up as a king when his dad through an empty crown royal bottle at his head while screaming klingon obscenities

Nigga holds a record for most chicken taquitos eaten in a 24-hour period

87 Unleaded connoisseur

http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/i...230d8c77/l.jpg

literally looks like Apathy transmuted his testosterone into AIDS viruses

bastes his Thanksgiving turkey in clove cigarettes and luke warm Snapple

His imaginary friend is a cross between macho man randy savage and the paper clip assistant from microsoft word